When the HUNTER says, Goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and always eats what he shoots. 
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Classy bit over here (the official Inter.. i mean joke thread) (4 Viewers)
- Thread starter Martin
- Start date
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An octapus walks into a bar and up to the barman, 'i bet you $50 that i can play any 3 instrument that you give me better than youve ever heard' upon hearing this the barman agrees to the bet and produces a guitar for the octapus to play - the octapus plays it better than jimi hendrix.
Impressed by his performance the barman directs the octapus over to a piano - the octapus plays it better than elton john.
The barman, fast running out of options manages to locate his final instrument, a set of bagpipes and passes it to the octapus, the barman waits and waits as the octapus fiddles with it, 'are you going to play it or not?' he says, to which the octapus replys 'play it? PLAY IT??!!! im going to shag it as soon as i can get its f***ing pyjamas off!!!'
Impressed by his performance the barman directs the octapus over to a piano - the octapus plays it better than elton john.
The barman, fast running out of options manages to locate his final instrument, a set of bagpipes and passes it to the octapus, the barman waits and waits as the octapus fiddles with it, 'are you going to play it or not?' he says, to which the octapus replys 'play it? PLAY IT??!!! im going to shag it as soon as i can get its f***ing pyjamas off!!!'
10 Rules of Indian Cinema
1) Two brothers separated in childhood will always grow up on different sides of the law. The law-breaker, however, will suddenly turn over a new leaf before the end, bash up the villain (who is the *real* bad guy), and be pardoned for all his sins before the last-scene family reunion. (This is possible only if he has a heroine - see rule 2 below).
2) if the number of heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess heroes/heroines will:
a) die
b) join the Red Cross and take off to Switzerland before the end of the movie.
3) If there are 2 heroes in a movie, they will fight each other savagely for at least 5 minutes (10 if they are brothers).
4) Any court scene will have the dialogue "Objection milord". If it is said by the hero, or his lawyer, it will be overruled. Else, it will be sustained.
5) The hero's sister will usually marry the hero's best friend (i.e. the second hero). Else, she will be raped by the villain within the 1st 30 minutes, and commit suicide.
6) In a chase, the hero will always overtake the villain, even on a bullock-cart, or on foot.
7) When the hero fires at the villain(s), he will never:
a) miss
b) run out of bullets. When the villain fires at the hero, he will always miss (unless the hero is required to die, as in rule 2).
8 ) Any fight sequence shall take place in the vicinity of a stack of:
a) pots
b) barrels
c) glass bottles, which will be smashed to pieces.
9) Any movie involving lost and found brothers will have a song sung by
a) the brothers
b) their blind mother (but of course, she has to be blind in order to regain her sight in the climax)
c) the family dog/cat.
10) Police inspectors (when not played by the hero) come in two categories:
a) Scrupulously honest, probably the hero's father - killed by the villain before the titles.
b) Honest, but always chasing the anti-hero (as in Rule 1). Usually, this inspector's daughter is in love with the anti-hero.
c) The corrupt inspector, (usually the real villain's sidekick) unceremoniously knocked about by the hero(s) in the climax.
1) Two brothers separated in childhood will always grow up on different sides of the law. The law-breaker, however, will suddenly turn over a new leaf before the end, bash up the villain (who is the *real* bad guy), and be pardoned for all his sins before the last-scene family reunion. (This is possible only if he has a heroine - see rule 2 below).
2) if the number of heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess heroes/heroines will:
a) die
b) join the Red Cross and take off to Switzerland before the end of the movie.
3) If there are 2 heroes in a movie, they will fight each other savagely for at least 5 minutes (10 if they are brothers).
4) Any court scene will have the dialogue "Objection milord". If it is said by the hero, or his lawyer, it will be overruled. Else, it will be sustained.
5) The hero's sister will usually marry the hero's best friend (i.e. the second hero). Else, she will be raped by the villain within the 1st 30 minutes, and commit suicide.
6) In a chase, the hero will always overtake the villain, even on a bullock-cart, or on foot.
7) When the hero fires at the villain(s), he will never:
a) miss
b) run out of bullets. When the villain fires at the hero, he will always miss (unless the hero is required to die, as in rule 2).
8 ) Any fight sequence shall take place in the vicinity of a stack of:
a) pots
b) barrels
c) glass bottles, which will be smashed to pieces.
9) Any movie involving lost and found brothers will have a song sung by
a) the brothers
b) their blind mother (but of course, she has to be blind in order to regain her sight in the climax)
c) the family dog/cat.
10) Police inspectors (when not played by the hero) come in two categories:
a) Scrupulously honest, probably the hero's father - killed by the villain before the titles.
b) Honest, but always chasing the anti-hero (as in Rule 1). Usually, this inspector's daughter is in love with the anti-hero.
c) The corrupt inspector, (usually the real villain's sidekick) unceremoniously knocked about by the hero(s) in the climax.
College Sweaters
Three women at the doctors office. The first one goes in to see the doctor. When the doctor goes to examine her he notices a big "Y" on her chest.
The doctor asks, "Why do you have a big "Y" on your chest?"
She replies, "Well, my boyfriend went to Yale and when we make love he likes to wear his college sweater."
The doctor nods and continues on with the next patient. When he examines her he notices a big "H" on her chest.
Agian, the doctor asks, "How did you get a big "H" on your chest?" The woman replys "My husband went to Harvard and when we make love he likes to wear his college sweater."
The doctors just nods his head and continues on with the last patient. As he examines her he notices once again that this woman also has a letter on her chest. A large "M".
He says, "Dont tell me, your boyfriend went to Michigan?"
"No ... " replies the patient. "But my girlfriend went to Wisconsin"
Three women at the doctors office. The first one goes in to see the doctor. When the doctor goes to examine her he notices a big "Y" on her chest.
The doctor asks, "Why do you have a big "Y" on your chest?"
She replies, "Well, my boyfriend went to Yale and when we make love he likes to wear his college sweater."
The doctor nods and continues on with the next patient. When he examines her he notices a big "H" on her chest.
Agian, the doctor asks, "How did you get a big "H" on your chest?" The woman replys "My husband went to Harvard and when we make love he likes to wear his college sweater."
The doctors just nods his head and continues on with the last patient. As he examines her he notices once again that this woman also has a letter on her chest. A large "M".
He says, "Dont tell me, your boyfriend went to Michigan?"
"No ... " replies the patient. "But my girlfriend went to Wisconsin"
I guess I could put this here; 2 errors on Inter's new jerseys 
http://www.skylife.it/html/skylife/sport/video_sport.html?video=2
P.S - The video only lasts for one day, so hurry up and watch it!
http://www.skylife.it/html/skylife/sport/video_sport.html?video=2
P.S - The video only lasts for one day, so hurry up and watch it!
