No, I have a special job for Ibra, we can hire him in the National Turin Circus. 
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Classy bit over here (the official Inter.. i mean joke thread) (2 Viewers)
- Thread starter Martin
- Start date
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Police found a drunken man wandering around the streets wearing high heels,fishnet stockings,crotchless underwear and a Inter shirt. The Police removed the inter shirt to spare the mans family anymore embarassment! 
Bin Laden sent out a new TV message to prove he was still alive he says "Inter were CRAP! on Saturday night!"
Milanese Police have dismissed the tape saying
"This video could have been recorded anytime in the last 16 years!"
Milanese Police have dismissed the tape saying
"This video could have been recorded anytime in the last 16 years!"
No, I have a special job for Ibra, we can hire him in the National Turin Circus.
Wife
Wife: "I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for ten
dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars."
Husband: "How about the ones like mine?"
Wife: "Those they gave away free as novelty items."
Husband: "I had a dream too...I dreamt they were auctioning off vaginas. The
pretty ones went for a thousand dollars, and the little tight ones went for two
thousand."
Wife: "And how much for the ones like mine?" Husband: "That's where they held
the auction."
Wife: "I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for ten
dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars."
Husband: "How about the ones like mine?"
Wife: "Those they gave away free as novelty items."
Husband: "I had a dream too...I dreamt they were auctioning off vaginas. The
pretty ones went for a thousand dollars, and the little tight ones went for two
thousand."
Wife: "And how much for the ones like mine?" Husband: "That's where they held
the auction."
An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezing it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep. And no matter what we tried, we still couldn't get the jar open."
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezing it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep. And no matter what we tried, we still couldn't get the jar open."
A married man was visiting his mistress one day, when she requested that he
shave his beard. "Oh James," she pleaded, "I like your beard, but I would
really love to see your handsome, clean-shaven face."
James quickly replied, "My wife loves this beard, Jocelyn. I couldn't
possibly do it. She would kill me!"
"Oh, please?" Jocelyn asked again, in a sexy little voice.
"Oh really, I can't," he replied. "She loves it ... I just can't!"
But Joyelyn was seductively persistent, and he sighed and finally gave in.
That night, a worried James crawled into bed with his wife while she was
sleeping.
The wife woke up and sleepily felt his face. Suddenly she was wide awake and
sitting bolt upright in the bed. She said tersely,
"Jesus Christ, Michael! What the hell are you doing here? My husband will be
home any minute!"
shave his beard. "Oh James," she pleaded, "I like your beard, but I would
really love to see your handsome, clean-shaven face."
James quickly replied, "My wife loves this beard, Jocelyn. I couldn't
possibly do it. She would kill me!"
"Oh, please?" Jocelyn asked again, in a sexy little voice.
"Oh really, I can't," he replied. "She loves it ... I just can't!"
But Joyelyn was seductively persistent, and he sighed and finally gave in.
That night, a worried James crawled into bed with his wife while she was
sleeping.
The wife woke up and sleepily felt his face. Suddenly she was wide awake and
sitting bolt upright in the bed. She said tersely,
"Jesus Christ, Michael! What the hell are you doing here? My husband will be
home any minute!"
A kid goes into his mom’s room and finds her jumping vigorously on top of his
dad. He asks:
"What are you doing to dad, mom?"
She says:
"I'm helping him exercise to lose weight!"
"Oh mom, that is worthless you jump on top of him to make him skinnier and our
neighbor comes in everyday when you leave and blows him back up with her
mouth."
dad. He asks:
"What are you doing to dad, mom?"
She says:
"I'm helping him exercise to lose weight!"
"Oh mom, that is worthless you jump on top of him to make him skinnier and our
neighbor comes in everyday when you leave and blows him back up with her
mouth."
The daughter had not been to the house for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cussed her out: " Where have you been all this time, you ingrate! Why didn't you write us, not even a line to let us know how you were doing? Why didn't you call? You little tramp! Don't you know what you put your Mom through??!!" The girl, crying: "Sniff, sniff... Dad... I became a prostitute.. ."
"WHAT? Out of here, you shameless harlot, sinner, you're a disgrace to this family - I don't ever want to see you again!" "OK, Dad - as you wish. I just came back to give Mom this fur coat and title to a mansion, a savings account certificate of $5 million for my little brother, and for you, Daddy, this gold Rolex, the spanking new BMW that's parked outside and a lifetime membership to the Country Club... an invitation for you all to spend New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera , and ...
"Now what was it you said you had become?" Girl, crying again: Sniff, sniff "A prostitute Dad!”... Sniff, sniff. "Oh! Gee - you scared me half to death, girl! I thought you said "a Protestant". "Come here and give your old man a hug!"
"WHAT? Out of here, you shameless harlot, sinner, you're a disgrace to this family - I don't ever want to see you again!" "OK, Dad - as you wish. I just came back to give Mom this fur coat and title to a mansion, a savings account certificate of $5 million for my little brother, and for you, Daddy, this gold Rolex, the spanking new BMW that's parked outside and a lifetime membership to the Country Club... an invitation for you all to spend New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera , and ...
"Now what was it you said you had become?" Girl, crying again: Sniff, sniff "A prostitute Dad!”... Sniff, sniff. "Oh! Gee - you scared me half to death, girl! I thought you said "a Protestant". "Come here and give your old man a hug!"
Mom comes to visit her son Njoroge for dinner...who lives with a girl roommate Wambui... During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Njoroge's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Njoroge and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom’s thoughts, Njoroge volunteered, " I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Wambui and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Wambui came to Njoroge saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the maize flour.”You don't suppose she took it, do you? ““Well, I doubt it, but I’ll email her, just to be sure “So he sat down and wrote:
Dear Mother, I 'm not saying that you did take the maize flour from my house; I 'm not saying that you did not take the maize flour. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Njoroge.
Several days later, Njoroge received a reply from his Mother, which read: Dear Son, I 'm not saying that you do sleep with Wambui, and I'm not saying that you do not sleep with Wambui. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the maize flour under her pillow by now.
Love, Mum.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Njoroge and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom’s thoughts, Njoroge volunteered, " I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Wambui and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Wambui came to Njoroge saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the maize flour.”You don't suppose she took it, do you? ““Well, I doubt it, but I’ll email her, just to be sure “So he sat down and wrote:
Dear Mother, I 'm not saying that you did take the maize flour from my house; I 'm not saying that you did not take the maize flour. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Njoroge.
Several days later, Njoroge received a reply from his Mother, which read: Dear Son, I 'm not saying that you do sleep with Wambui, and I'm not saying that you do not sleep with Wambui. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the maize flour under her pillow by now.
Love, Mum.
The gift
========
Mark, a loving husband, was in trouble. He forgot his wedding an-
niversary and his wife was really ticked off at him. She told him,
"tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that
goes from 0 to 200 in under 6 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE."
The next morning, Mark got up really early before work. When his
wife woke up a couple of hours later, she looked out the window,
and sure enough, there was a small gift-wrapped box sitting in the
middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran
out to the driveway, and took the box into the house. She opened
it, and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Mark is not yet well enough to have visitors...
========
Mark, a loving husband, was in trouble. He forgot his wedding an-
niversary and his wife was really ticked off at him. She told him,
"tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that
goes from 0 to 200 in under 6 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE."
The next morning, Mark got up really early before work. When his
wife woke up a couple of hours later, she looked out the window,
and sure enough, there was a small gift-wrapped box sitting in the
middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran
out to the driveway, and took the box into the house. She opened
it, and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Mark is not yet well enough to have visitors...
A ship sank in high seas and the following people got stranded on a
beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere:
A. 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
B. 2 French men and 1 French woman
C. 2 German men and 1 German woman
D. 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
E. 2 Mexican men and 1 Mexican woman
F. 2 American men and 1 American woman
G. 2 Indian men and 1 Indian woman
H. 2 Saudi men and 1 Saudi woman
One month later, on various parts of the island,
the following was observed:
A. One Italian man killed the other Italian man
for the Italian woman.
B. The two French men and the French woman are living
happily together.
C. The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of
when they alternate with the German woman.
D. The two Greek men are sleeping together, and the
Greek woman is cooking & cleaning for them.
E. The two Mexican men are talking to all the other
men on the island trying to sell them the Mexican
woman.
F. The two American men are contemplating suicide. The American
woman is bitching about her body being her own, how
she can do everything that they can do.
G. The 2 Indian men are still waiting for someone to introduce them to the
Indian woman.
H. The 2 Saudi men are still searching for a piece of paper so they can
throw their phone-number at the Saudi woman !!!
beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere:
A. 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
B. 2 French men and 1 French woman
C. 2 German men and 1 German woman
D. 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
E. 2 Mexican men and 1 Mexican woman
F. 2 American men and 1 American woman
G. 2 Indian men and 1 Indian woman
H. 2 Saudi men and 1 Saudi woman
One month later, on various parts of the island,
the following was observed:
A. One Italian man killed the other Italian man
for the Italian woman.
B. The two French men and the French woman are living
happily together.
C. The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of
when they alternate with the German woman.
D. The two Greek men are sleeping together, and the
Greek woman is cooking & cleaning for them.
E. The two Mexican men are talking to all the other
men on the island trying to sell them the Mexican
woman.
F. The two American men are contemplating suicide. The American
woman is bitching about her body being her own, how
she can do everything that they can do.
G. The 2 Indian men are still waiting for someone to introduce them to the
Indian woman.
H. The 2 Saudi men are still searching for a piece of paper so they can
throw their phone-number at the Saudi woman !!!
Hassan Nasrallah decided to send someone to make the negotiations with Israel... After taking many opinions, he chose Haifa Wehbé.
After 3 days, Haifa came back to Lebanon Pregnant!!!
Hassan, upset, said :
" We sent you there to find a solution for the current situation... but not to sleep with the enemy"
Haifa replied with a smile:
"Israel refused all your proposals so I brought you a hostage"
After 3 days, Haifa came back to Lebanon Pregnant!!!
Hassan, upset, said :
" We sent you there to find a solution for the current situation... but not to sleep with the enemy"
Haifa replied with a smile:
"Israel refused all your proposals so I brought you a hostage"
