Classy bit over here (the official Inter.. i mean joke thread) (32 Viewers)

[ReBeL]

Rearranging the Letters


DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

 

Buy on AliExpress.com

[juvefan10]

man comes to a doctor complaining that his penis would only rise if it's in water.
Doctor get's suprised and tells him to go to bathroom next doors to get into water, so he will come and see wat's the real problem.
when doctor goes into bathroom he sees naked man lying in water with his risen penis
MAN: see DOC, in water it works, but when i get outa here it won't stand up
Doc: even here, in water, it's aint working, it's just FLOATING!!!

 

[Chxta]

Q: What three things are common between the sun and woman's underwear?

A: Both are hot, both look better while going down and both Disappear at night.



Q: Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?



A: Because they are tired of using their own.



Q: What's common between men and video?



A: Both go backward...forward...backward...forward...backward....forward...

stop and eject.





Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?

A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5-7 days and if it doesn't come means you are in big trouble.







Q: What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction?



A: A teabag.







7 qualities to be a perfect wife:



Beautiful,

Responsible

Energetic

Adorable

Sweet

Truthful and

Self-Organized.

In short, she must have good B.R.E.A.S.T.S







Q: What is the similarity between men and rats?

A: Both keep searching for new HOLES.







Q: What's the difference between biology and sociology?

A: When the baby looks like his dad, then it is biology. When the baby looks like the neighbour, then it is sociology.







Doctor: You look so weak & exhausted. Are you having 3 meals a day as I have advised?

Lady: Doctor, I thought you had said 3 males a day.







Q: Girl friend & boy friend go for a movie. In the dark, a mosquito enters the girl's skirt. Guess where it would have bitten?



Answer:



The boy's hand.





Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan asked "Why"?

The animals told him..........."Your tail is back to front".

 

[ReBeL]

Q: Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?


A: Because they are tired of using their own.

Nice, Chxta...

 

[Rhizoid]

An Interista poses a question on XtraTime forums - "So are you guys sending him [Buffon] over to the via Durini?" (Inter training ground Appiano Gentile)

to which I reply:

Sometime when your alarm clock rings, and you realise it's time to wake up and go to work.

 

[MortalGuardian]

:rofl2: :rofl2: :rofl2: And the award goes to… Adriano. The burly Inter Milan striker has been voted the worst player of 2006 by Italian radio programme Catersport.

The Golden Dustbin, as the award is affectionately entitled, is voted for every year by listeners of the RAI station, and over recent years has been won by such other luminaries as Rivaldo, Nicola Legrottaglie and Christian Vieri.

Out of the 10,000 votes cast, Adriano garnered a whopping 3,215 (or 32.5% of the ballot) to beat Milanisti pair Ricardo Oliveira and Alberto Gilardino to top spot on the podium.

Adriano's form over the last calendar year has been awful, the 'goal ace' not having quite lived up to his billing with a barren patch that has lasted since March.

Such are his problems, the Brazilian was shipped back home to rest and regain his focus at the end of October, but the prescription of sun, sea and sand does not seem to have worked.

Adriano is now back at the Giuseppe Meazza, but he looks overweight and out of sorts, and the goalless streak continues with no sign of it ending any time soon.

Even coach Roberto Mancini has failed to be impressed by his striker's reaction after taking a holiday mid-season.

"Adriano is not in good physical condition and is having a few problems," the Inter boss understated.

Eurosport - Mike Hytner - 04/12/2006 18:01:rofl2: :rofl2: :rofl2:

 

[chester]

Perspectives on marriage
========================
When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and
said: "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car,
slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but
I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blonde.
....Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed, and 55 inch
plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It
seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find
a hot 25 year old blonde, and she would make sure that I would
once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car,
sleeping on a sofa bed.

Aren't older women great. They really know how to solve your mid-
life crises...

--------------------------------------------------------------------
The loving husband
==================
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem.
While they were there, the wife passed away.
The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home
for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150."

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her ship-
ped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your
wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you
would spend only $150?"
The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and
three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that
chance."

 

[Falafel]

good post chxta

 

[ADiGATi0N]

Nice jokes...
where you get them from?
What do these jokes have to do with Inter???? I do not understand

 

[Falafel]

Nice jokes...
where you get them from?
What do these jokes have to do with Inter???? I do not understand

they dont have anything to do with inter that thread(make fun on inter thread) was closed and it disappeared for some reason

 

[chester]

When insults had class
======================
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
-- Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
-- Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great
pleasure."
-- Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the
dictionary."
-- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"
-- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time
reading it."
-- Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."
-- Abraham Lincoln

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
-- Groucho Marx

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved
of it."
-- Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
-- Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a
friend.... if you have one."
-- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."
-- Winston Churchill, in response

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
-- Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
-- John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
-- Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."
-- Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
-- Paul Keating

"He had delusions of adequacy."
-- Walter Kerr

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."
-- Jack E. Leonard

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt."
-- Robert Redford

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human
knowledge."
-- Thomas Brackett Reed

"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by
diligent hard work, he overcame them."
-- James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
-- Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
-- Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
-- Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
-- Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
-- Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support
rather than illumination."
-- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
-- Billy Wilder

 

[ReBeL]

A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she has a near-death experience. During that experience she sees her guardian angel and asks if this is her time. The angel says no and explains that she has another 30-40 years to live.

Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital for a few more days and have a facelift, liposuction and a tummy tuck. She even has someone come in and change her hair color. She figures since she's got another 30 or 40 years she might as well make the most of it. She walks out the hospital after the last operation and is killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital.

She arrives in heaven again, sees her guardian angel and says, "I thought you said I had another 30-40 years!!"
The angel replies, "Sorry. I didn't recognize you."

 

[Falafel]

A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she has a near-death experience. During that experience she sees her guardian angel and asks if this is her time. The angel says no and explains that she has another 30-40 years to live.

Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital for a few more days and have a facelift, liposuction and a tummy tuck. She even has someone come in and change her hair color. She figures since she's got another 30 or 40 years she might as well make the most of it. She walks out the hospital after the last operation and is killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital.

She arrives in heaven again, sees her guardian angel and says, "I thought you said I had another 30-40 years!!"
The angel replies, "Sorry. I didn't recognize you."

 

[alex74]

Things You Wouldn't Know Without Movies!!

-It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.

-A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

-If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

-Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

-It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

-When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

-No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

-Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

-When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

-You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

-Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it''''s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

-An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.

-Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.

 

[ReBeL]

A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.
"Mommy" she said "Can we leave now?"
"No" her mother replied.
"Well, I think I have to throw up!"
"Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush."
In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat.
"Did you throw up?" her mother asked.
"Yes" the little girl replied.
"Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and return so quickly?"
"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy" the little girl replied, "They have a box next to the front door that says 'for the sick'."

-----------------------------------------

It was about a month ago when a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so went to his priest:
"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a refugee in my attic."
"Well," answered the priest, "that's not a sin."
"But I made him agree to pay me 20 Gulden for every week he stayed."
"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."
"Oh, thank you, Father; that eases my mind. I have one more question..."
"What is that, my son?"
"Do I have to tell him the war is over?"

 

[chester]

It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro Mar-
tinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth
grade. The teacher said, "Lets begin by reviewing some American
history. "Who said Give me Liberty, or give me Death?"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand
up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."
"Very good!" said the teacher.
"Now, who said, Government of the people, by the people, for the
people, shall not perish from the earth?"
Again, no response except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed!
Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history
than you do!"
She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans!"
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836."
At that point, a student in the back said, "Im gonna puke."
The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?"
Again, Pedro answered, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minis-
ter, 1991."
Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the
teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
Now, with almost a mob hysteria, the teacher said, "If you say
anything else, I'll kill you!"
Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to
Chandra Levy, 2001."
The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the
floor, someone said, "Oh shit, were in BIG trouble now!"
Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."

Finally, someone threw an eraser at Pedro and another student
shouted, "Duck!"
The teacher, just waking up and still a bit out of it, asked "Who
said that?"
Pedro: "Dick Cheney 2006!

 

[Chxta]

A drunk stumbled into the toilet of his favorite bar. A minute passes and the bar tender hears a scream from the toilet followed by another scream a minute later. The drunk screams yet again and the bar tender went to have a look see ...the drunk told him, Anytime I sit, something squeezes my balls" The bar tender takes a look and looks back at the drunk "You idiot, you were seating on the mop bucket"

 

[chester]

Criminally stupid
=================
THAT'S A COINCIDENCE, SO DOES YOUR NEW CELLMATE
Calvin A. Bennett, 26, wanted for murder in Arkansas, was arrested
in Wisconsin after he posted his name, picture and address on an
online dating Web site. One of the messages on Bennett's Web post-
ing said he "likes to cuddle."

FORGET SOMETHING?
A man who stole a TV from a house in Mussidan, France, returned a
few hours later for the remote control.

LIAR, LIAR
In Orlando, Fla., police were able to track down a bank robber
when the dye pack exploded in his pants and officers noticed a man
running down the street with his pants on fire.

GROIN PAINS
In Wichita, Kan., a man fired a shot at a teenager in a dispute
over a stereo. The shot missed the teen, but when the shooter jam-
med the gun back into the waistband of his pants the gun went off.
The bullet struck the 23-year-old man in his left testicle, caus-
ing him to "cringe," which caused the gun to fire again. That shot
struck him in the left calf. The wounded man managed to limp to a
nearby hospital, where he was arrested.

OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD
In Tehran, Iran, a man walked into a bank and started taking money
from the hands of customers, confident they couldn't see him be-
cause he had paid a wizard to make him invisible.

DOOFUS du jour
In Sheboygan, Wis., a 21-year-old woman was arrested when she went
into a gas station, got some cigarettes and potato chips and at-
tempted to pay for them with a counterfeit $20 bill. Her plan was
foiled, however, when the cashier turned the bill over and found
it was blank on the other side.

 

[Chxta]

@ the Iranian man.

 

[AngelaL]