Talk about "phoning it in".
The funny thing is, I could see this happening. He calls me and says, "hey, go to the press conference for the Mainz game for me..."
"okay, um, what do I say?"
"Tell them I'm wasted, drunk off of bad vodka with a 16 year-old prostitute. Tell them I've fucked her in the ass all night wearing a Ribery mask."
"Okay, boss!"
So, Mr. Burke, what's Mr. Beck up to, having missed yet another press conference?
"Yo, to tell the truth, he's got poop dick..."