What Are You Doing Right Now? (58 Viewers)

[ZoSo]

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them breaks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 07840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes." This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money."

I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one.

BBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

snnnnniiiiiiffffffffffff...oh yes my dear....sssnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiffffffff....quite pungent indeed...is that....dare I say....sssssssnniff...eggs I smell?......sniff sniff....hmmm...yes...quite so my darling....sniff....quite pungent eggs yes very much so .....ssssssssssssssnnnnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiffffff... .ah yes...and also....a hint of....sniff....cheese.....quite wet my dear....sniff...but oh yes...this will do nicely....sniff.....please my dear....another if you please....nice a big now....

BBBBBBRRRRRRRAAAAAAAPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFLLLLLLLLLPPPPPP PPPFFFFFF

Oh yes...very good!....very sloppy and wet my dear....hmmmmm...is that a drop of nugget I see on the rim?...hmmmm.....let me.....let me just have a little taste before the sniff my darling.......hmmmmm....hmm..yes....that is a delicate bit of chocolate my dear....ah yes....let me guess...curry for dinner?....oh quite right I am....aren't I?....ok....time for sniff.....sssssnnnnnnniiiiiiiiffffffff.....hmmm... hhhmmmmm I see...yes....yes indeed as well curry......hmmm....that fragrance is quite noticeable....yes.....onion and garlic chutney I take it my dear?.....hmmmmm....yes quite.....

BBBBBBRRRRRRRRPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTT TT

Oh I was not expecting that…that little gust my dear….you caught me off guard…yes…so gentle it was though…hmmmm…let me taste this little one…just one small sniff…..sniff…ah….ssssssnnnnnniiiiiffffffffffff…an d yet…so strong…yes…the odor….sniff sniff…hmmm….is that….sniff….hmmm….I can almost taste it my dear…..yes….just…sniff….a little whiff more if you please…..ssssssnnnnnniiiiiffffffffff…ah yes I have it now….yes quite….hhhhmmmm…delectable my dear…..quite exquisite yes…..I dare say…sniff….the most pungent one yet my dear….ssssnnnnniiiifffffffffffffffffffffff….yes….

 

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[DAiDEViL]

+rep

@DAiDEViL Stallone sucks.

You are annoying. Ignored.

Edit: Arnold just +repped me.

Seems like he doesn't like you.

 

[Marc]

You are annoying. Ignored.

 

[swag]

You got two great points there.

Teenagers usually go through that phase of sexual experimentation, trying new things and sometimes it's someone from the same sex. Maybe it isn't just a phase, I don't know. What she tells me is that she doesn't feel attracted to women in general, just that one. What I know is - like you said - women don't know what they want, period.

What I've been gathering from our conversations is that she seemed to be a control freak over all aspects of her life. She didn't allow herself to do stupid shit and regret them. Hell, she started drinking at 30 years old. And the most wtf moment was when she told me she and her boyfriend of 8 years never had sex without a condom. I mean, damn. What a fucking hero. I told her fuck that. I couldn't handle it for a month. As a matter of fact, it took us 1 week.

And yes, I'm not a home wrecker. I'm actually a savior

I actually love disciplined women. Women who pass the marshmallow test. Usually because they're not carrying three kids in tow to four different fathers.

But sometimes that discipline can really bottle them up in stupid ways too. Some people can be world travelers in mind, body, and spirit, but in other aspects of their romantic life they've barely ventured further than their neighborhood high school.

Joined a boxing gym recently to help a buddy lose some weight. Man there's nothing like old mexican guys kicking your ass at 7 in the morning.

Especially fat ones.

That last page gave me an aneurysm

Why so? Gun control? Getting it on with part-time lesbians?

 

[.zero]

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them breaks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 07840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes." This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money."

I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one.

I don't know where you plagiarized this from but I'm glad I read it

 

[IliveForJuve]

I don't know where you plagiarized this from but I'm glad I read it

Reddit

They have an entire subreddit dedicated to copypasta.

 

[DAiDEViL]

I always go for the blue ones.

 

[swag]

That's how I like my midget trannies.

 

[ALC]

Ugh, just hurt my asshole taking a shit.

 

[.zero]

You should always stretch it out before giving it a good working

 

[Enron]

True words.

 

[Maddy]

I always go for the blue ones.

That's how I like my midget trannies.

Ugh, just hurt my asshole taking a shit.

Correlation does not imply causation, but in this case..

 

[Seven]

So I'm driving back from Court this morning and Unfaithful from Rihanna comes on. What-the-fuck-is-this-shit? It's a bad song. And I can live with that. There have always been lots of bad songs on the radio. But this is narcissistic poison. Has anyone proofread those lyrics? Do people listening pay attention to what she's saying? Just how much of a self obsessed cunt do you have to be to come up with those lyrics?

 

[Quetzalcoatl]

So I'm driving back from Court this morning and Unfaithful from Rihanna comes on. What-the-fuck-is-this-shit? It's a bad song. And I can live with that. There have always been lots of bad songs on the radio. But this is narcissistic poison. Has anyone proofread those lyrics? Do people listening pay attention to what she's saying? Just how much of a self obsessed cunt do you have to be to come up with those lyrics?

Not exposed to much popular contemporary music?

 

[Seven]

Not exposed to much popular contemporary music?

I guess not. I didn't know this was now considered acceptable.

 

[Quetzalcoatl]

I guess not. I didn't know this was now considered acceptable.

Yup, it's mostly all like that

 

[DAiDEViL]

Why listen to Radio music anyway?

 

[Seven]

Why listen to Radio music anyway?

Because I'm lazy.

 

[IliveForJuve]

Ugh, just hurt my asshole taking a shit.

Sounds like the beginning of hemorrhoids, fam.

 

[swag]

You should always stretch it out before giving it a good working

Whether rectums or Lycra pants