F my life (2 Viewers)

[Hambon]

I read this one that went something like this: I been reading FML for the past 12 hrs ... FML

LIon??

 

Buy on AliExpress.com

[Lawnchair Bes]

this is lion

Today, in Ottawa there's been a bus strike for 51 days. I was waiting after work in a parking lot for my ride and was dancing a little to keep warm. Next thing I know the cops pull up to me and said that someone called in to report someone dancing in an empty parking lot. FML

 

[Nenz]

Today, I am down to 3 euros. My mother just stole the last two euros from me. I asked what she needed them for? Condoms. My mother can have safe sex. I can't buy lunch tomorrow.

that is pure gold!!

 

[.zero]

nice site

 

[ßöмßäяðîëя]

Today, I slept with this new guy for the first time. After sex, he said the doggie style postion was fun, it reminded him what it would be like to rape a girl. FML

Today, I masturbated 3 times to the thought of my wife because we don't have sex anymore. FML

 

[ßöмßäяðîëя]

I submitted one.

 

[Elvin]

OMG how come I never heard of this internet heaven before :rofl2:

Laughing my ass off..

 

[Juve_fanatic]

Today, I was refilling some guy's iced tea at bandana's, and the uppity jerk had the gall to ask me if I ever kissed a girl considering how fat I am, how high my voice is, and how little money I make. FML

 

[Juve_fanatic]

Today, I was playing with 3 kids I look after. The middle one has just learned about sex and started chanting that I had done it with the eldest as a joke. We were in the garden and the neighbours heard. Now I am fired, have to leave the house and am being investigated by the police. FML

 

[Juve_fanatic]

Today a girl I've had a huge crush on for a long time told another friend of ours to get a life. I, in my infinite genius responded that her mom needed to get a life. She ran out of the room bawling. I got slapped in the face and informed that her mom had died not long ago. FML

I just cant get enough of this site

 

[Juve_fanatic]

Today, I realized I bought 30 condoms last year. I now have 29. FML

 

[ßöмßäяðîëя]

Today, I went to the doctor to talk about my depression and low self-esteem. He told me that I shouldn't think of myself as a fat pig for being overweight. I don't think that and I'm NOT overweight. FML

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and accidentally called her Brad (one of my roomates name) when I came. Now her and her friends think im gay and my roomate Brad moved out. FML

Today, I was at a bar in Canada and was really hitting it off with a girl. She asked how big my junk was and I told her in inches... They use centimeters. FML

BES!


Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy the plan B pill. The pharmacist recognized me and said "really? Again??" FML

Today, on my 18th birthday, my mom told me the man I thought was my father for 18 years was actually not my father, and my real father was in prison for murder. FML

Today, I was in bed next to the boy I loved, he had just came and passed out immediately afterwards. I reached over to look at my phone but grabbed his instead and saw a text message from his ex-girlfriend that read "I love you too." FML


AND THE BEST ONE:

Today, I posted on a forum asking if I could be a Moderator, instead, I got banned. FML

 

[ßöмßäяðîëя]

Today, in class, I asked my teacher for a "rubber". I didn't realise that in America "rubber" doesn't mean "eraser", it means condom. FML

Today, I danced with a girl until the bar closed. We went back to my place. She had a penis. FML

 

[Sheik Yerbouti]

Today, I was masturbating to a girl with huge tits on the internet. I then proceeded to scroll down and found out she has a penis. FML

 

[Alltagsheld]

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I called him around two minutes after that, and he had already fallen asleep. FML

Sounds like me

I know this guy, too

 

[Lawnchair Bes]

Today, I danced with a girl until the bar closed. We went back to my place. She had a penis. FML

dude. i think this one takes the cake

 

[The Arif]

Today, I had dinner on my own. My cat came and sat on the chair on the other side of the table. We stared at each other during the whole meal. Pathetic. FML

 

[Sheik Yerbouti]

 

[Bisco]

Today, I drove an hour in a rainstorm to go see my boyfriend. Thirty minutes and a blow job later, he tells me he's going to meet some friends for dinner in half an hour then kicks me out of his house. It's still raining. FML

 

[Cuti]

Today, I drove an hour in a rainstorm to go see my boyfriend. Thirty minutes and a blow job later, he tells me he's going to meet some friends for dinner in half an hour then kicks me out of his house. It's still raining. FML

don't worry i'm sure he'll make it up to you on Valentine's day