Classy bit over here (the official Inter.. i mean joke thread) (52 Viewers)
- Thread starter Martin
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A man goes to a psychiatrist, and tells him "Doc, I think I have an obsession with sex." The doctor agrees to examine him and begins by showing him various drawings. First the doctor draws a square and asks the man to identify it. The man immediately says "sex". Next the doctor draws a circle, which the man again identifies as sex. Thirdly, the doctor draws a triangle, which of course the patient identifies as "sex". The doctor puts the drawings away and says to the patient, "Yes, I do believe that you have an obsession with sex."
To which the man replies, "I'm not the one with the obsession! You're the one drawing all the dirty pictures!"
To which the man replies, "I'm not the one with the obsession! You're the one drawing all the dirty pictures!"
One day there were two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it and the other boy couldn’t figure out why his friend was at the bush so long. The other boy went over to the bush and looked. The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the stream. All of a sudden the second boy took off running. The first boy couldn’t understand why he ran away so he took off after his friend. Finally he caught up to him and asked why he ran away. The boy said to his friend, “My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard so I ran.”
A husband and wife and their two sons are watching TV. She looks at her husband and winks at him, he gets the message and says, “Excuse us for a few minutes boys; we’re going up to our room for a little while.” Pretty soon one of the boys becomes curious, goes upstairs and sees the door to his parent’s bedroom is ajar. He peeks in for a few minutes, trots downstairs, gets his little brother and takes him up to peek into the bedroom. “Before you look in there,” he says, “keep in mind this is the same woman who paddled our butts just for sucking our thumbs.”
Girl: I'm so wet now !
Boy: And I'm really shivering madly ! Open it, open it !
Girl: I can't spread it open ! Uhh, it's so hard.
Boy: C'mon. I can't wait any longer.
Girl: Ahh, ahh, there ! Uhh, it feels so good !
Boy: Yeah ! Good thing we were able to open the umbrella ! Otherwise we would get sick in this rain.
Boy: And I'm really shivering madly ! Open it, open it !
Girl: I can't spread it open ! Uhh, it's so hard.
Boy: C'mon. I can't wait any longer.
Girl: Ahh, ahh, there ! Uhh, it feels so good !
Boy: Yeah ! Good thing we were able to open the umbrella ! Otherwise we would get sick in this rain.
Mother was shocked to find her daughter entering the house at 2 AM with her clothes ruffled and her hair unkempt.
Mother: Haven't I told you that if touches you, you should immediately say Don't ?
Daughter: Yes, Mom.
Mother: And haven't I told you that if he touches you, you should immediately say STOP ?
Daughter: Yes, Mom.
Mother: Then what happened ?
Daughter: He kissed and touched me at the same time, so I said, DON'T STOP !
Mother: Haven't I told you that if touches you, you should immediately say Don't ?
Daughter: Yes, Mom.
Mother: And haven't I told you that if he touches you, you should immediately say STOP ?
Daughter: Yes, Mom.
Mother: Then what happened ?
Daughter: He kissed and touched me at the same time, so I said, DON'T STOP !
A flight from London to Kano develops faults in Nigerian airspace.
very worried the captain calls the Aminu Kano airport.
"Aminu Kano Airport this is Captain Smith reporting flight 007, do you copy?"
Kano tower;- "yes Alhaji Smith wi kofi"
British Airways "Flight 007 Reporting technical faults"
Kano tower;- "kai haba!"
British Airways; - "sorry tower couldnt get that"
Kano tower; - "okay phlyt 00Seben kan u tune fawa in injin?"
British Airways; - "Negative power in engines dead"
Kano tower;- "Walahi?"
British Airways; - "Negative didn't copy"
Kano Tower;- "Kan u kom down to altitude twenty thousand pit?"
British Airways;- "negative tower, wings wont respond"
Kano tower;- "kai!"
British Airways;- "negative didnt copy that tower"
Kano Tower;- "okay d flan wil kom daun in som tym dyu to lo injin fawa, ofun yo taya at altidute sis tausan fit, dyu 1st sebenti digri"
British Airways;- "Negative, cant activate the landing gear"
Kano tower;- 'wayyo!'
British Airways;- "awaiting order, flight 007"
Kano Towers;- "okay refit apfta mi"
British Airways;- "okay what?"
Kano Tower;- "ASHADU ANLA ILAHA ILLALAHU, WA ASHADU ANNA MUHAMMADAN RASULULLAHI!
very worried the captain calls the Aminu Kano airport.
"Aminu Kano Airport this is Captain Smith reporting flight 007, do you copy?"
Kano tower;- "yes Alhaji Smith wi kofi"
British Airways "Flight 007 Reporting technical faults"
Kano tower;- "kai haba!"
British Airways; - "sorry tower couldnt get that"
Kano tower; - "okay phlyt 00Seben kan u tune fawa in injin?"
British Airways; - "Negative power in engines dead"
Kano tower;- "Walahi?"
British Airways; - "Negative didn't copy"
Kano Tower;- "Kan u kom down to altitude twenty thousand pit?"
British Airways;- "negative tower, wings wont respond"
Kano tower;- "kai!"
British Airways;- "negative didnt copy that tower"
Kano Tower;- "okay d flan wil kom daun in som tym dyu to lo injin fawa, ofun yo taya at altidute sis tausan fit, dyu 1st sebenti digri"
British Airways;- "Negative, cant activate the landing gear"
Kano tower;- 'wayyo!'
British Airways;- "awaiting order, flight 007"
Kano Towers;- "okay refit apfta mi"
British Airways;- "okay what?"
Kano Tower;- "ASHADU ANLA ILAHA ILLALAHU, WA ASHADU ANNA MUHAMMADAN RASULULLAHI!
The Simpsons are wtaching tv and the Homer says:" Ohhhh I'm tired of all this Tarzans' movies." Lisa replies to him:" Dad this isn't Tarzan movie those people are refugees"
Homer gets captured by aliens, and he is screaming:"Don't take me I have wife and kids, take them"
If you know some great jokes from The Simpsons please post it here
Homer gets captured by aliens, and he is screaming:"Don't take me I have wife and kids, take them"
If you know some great jokes from The Simpsons please post it here
