Classy bit over here (the official Inter.. i mean joke thread) (30 Viewers)

[Chxta]

Man to woman in a bar, 'Will you screw me?'

Answer, 'No.'

Man, 'Let me rephrase that. Will you screw me for $5,000.'

Answer, 'Yes.'

Man, 'Now that we've established what you are, can we haggle over price?'

 

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[gray]

A woman stopped by unannounced at her son's house. She knocked on the door, then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law laying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

"What are you doing?!" she asked.
"I'm waiting for John to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.
"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
"Love dress? But you're naked!"
"John loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me."

The mother-in-law left.

When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.

Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her laying there provocatively.

"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress," she whispered sensually.
"Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?

 

[Martin]

G, don't feel pressured to lower your material to match the average.

 

[gray]

I wasn't thoroughly impressed by that one either, but I was bored so I posted it on a whim

 

[JCK]

You don't need to increase your post cound Graham

 

[Henry]

you must have been truly bored...

 

[Chxta]

Why do you think he's lowering his material? We all enjoy such jokes...

 

[Martin]

Because Graham is very witty and that joke sucks so it doesn't add up..

 

[Henry]

yeah-that joke wasn't even close to being funny gray has lost his touch

 

[Martin]

That's good, let's criticize him, I bet that will get him going and he's gonna wanna prove himself with better material

 

[Henry]

you read my mind


meant to ask this before, but is the 7-2 in your sig from a milanista or something?

 

[Martin]

No, what do you mean?

 

[Chxta]

Now we lose the plot...

 

[Henry]

lol

the 7-2!!! and loads of smilies

 

[Martin]

No idea what your connection to Milan was but it is firm proof that Ligue 1 is and always will be to the Bundesliga

 

[Henry]

I don't get it..........

 

[Martin]

Lyon - Werder Bremen 7-2

 

[Chxta]

I thought that this was supposed to be the official joke thread...

 

[Martin]

They've gone missing since a long time ago, hasn't been a classy joke in here for a while sadly. Good observation.

 

[Menace]

heres a very classy joke

Two drinking buddies, Mike and Larry, are getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly Larry throws up all over himself.

"Oh, no...Now my wife will kill me, heh!"

Mike says, "Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill.

So they stay for another several shots and get even drunker.
Eventually Larry stumbles home and his wife starts to give him a bad time.

"You reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself!
My God, you're disgusting!"

Speaking very carefully so as not to slur his words, Larry says, "Nowainaminit, I can e'splain everythin, heh? Itsh snot wha jew think. I only had a cupla drrrinks.

But thiss other guy got ssick on me...he had one too-o-o-o-o-o many!
An he juss koudin hold hizz liquor, heh? He said he was verrry sorry an' gave me twennie bucks for the cleaning bill!"

His wife looks in the breast pocket and says, "But this is forty bucks.."
"Oh, yeah... I almos' fergot, he shhhit in my pants too.