THE RON ATKINSON COLLECTION
“The Spaniards have been reduced to aiming aimless balls into the box.”
“Yordi circumnavigated Ledley King there.”
“Lee Dixon will be up against two South American left-handers tonight.”
“Ballack is being a bit milky at the moment.”
“Liverpool will think ‘we could have won this 2-2’.”
"Are there any sandwiches? I'm starving" – ONE OF A SERIES OF INADVERTENT STATEMENTS OVERHEARD BY HALF OF GERMANY DURING THE INTERVAL OF ARSENAL’S CHAMPIONS LEAGUE TIE AWAY TO ROMA DUE TO A ‘TECHNICAL GLITCH’
“He actually looks a little twat, that Totti” – AS ABOVE, UTTERED ‘BETWEEN MOUTHFULS OF FOOD’.
INTERVIEWS OF THE YEAR
PAUL GASCOIGNE: "Did you watch the match?"
BUILDING WORKER, BEING INTERVIEWED ON ITV: "Yeah."
PAUL GASCOIGNE: "Did you watch it?"
BUILDING WORKER: "Yeah, the boss gave us time off."
PAUL GASCOIGNE: "Does your boss know you watched it?"
RADIO FIVE LIVE HOST: “Over to Germany now, and we understand they’re projecting images of the German team’s socks onto the pillars of the Brandenburg Gates in Berlin. What does that look like?”
REPORTER: “I wish I could tell you, but I can’t... I’m in Munich.”
RADIO FIVE LIVE PRESENTER IAN PAYNE: "Now Bobby, absolutely everyone has listened to a football match while they were somewhere unusual or perhaps somewhere they shouldn't have been. Have you got a story like that?"
SIR BOBBY CHARLTON: "No, no, no. Not at all."
IAN PAYNE: "Oh."
CLOSE, BUT NO CIGAR
“Our keeper only had one save to make but we lost 4-0” - CRAIG BROWN.
“They've one man to thank for that goal, Alan Shearer. And they've also got to thank referee Alan Wilkie” - CHRIS KAMARA.
"Everybody says Steve McManaman played on the left for me in Euro 96 but he never played on the left. The one time he did play on the left was against Switzerland” - TERRY VENABLES.
"Solskjaer never misses the target. That time he hit the post” - PETER SCHMEICHEL.
"We dominated for 75% of the game, but we have to make sure we do that for the other 15" - DAVE JONES.
“The match is evenly balanced but AC Milan have the upper hand” - UEFA.COM.
"So, Liverpool have now really got to win two away - one in Barcelona, the other at home to Roma." - BOB WILSON.
“Djimi Traore had to adapt to the English game and he did that by going out on loan to Lens last season” - IAN RUSH.
”There’s only one word to describe Wolves at the moment - absolutely flawless.” - NATIONWIDE LEAGUE SPOKESMAN.
"Over now to John Murray who was at Anfield for last night’s thriller between Liverpool and Newcastle. John, just how long is Roy Keane going to be out?" - RADIO FIVE LIVE HOST.
ANNE ROBINSON: “In 2001 Steve Staunton became the record cap holder for which country?"
WEAKEST LINK CONTESTANT: "Brazil."
ANNE ROBINSON: "What D are trousers with a bib attached?"
GEORGE COHEN: "Strides."
ANNE ROBINSON: "Which famous comet was said to have heralded the Norman invasion of Britain in the 11th century?"
MARTIN PETERS: "William."
ANNE ROBINSON: "What K is Britain's most widespread bird of prey?"
SIR GEOFF HURST: "Eagle."
“We all remember Peter Harris” - VINNIE JONES ON THE LATE ACTOR RICHARD HARRIS.
"There could have been four players sent off for each side. So the match would have ended up six against six" - SAM ALLARDYCE.
QUITE
"We're the only side in the second division without a home win and if we carry on like this we'll be the only side in the country" - NOTTS COUNTY CHAIRMAN BILL DEARDEN.
“If after four away games you haven’t scored any goals you’re unlikely to have many points” - ASTON VILLA’S GRAHAM TAYLOR PROVES HE HAS HIS FINGER ON THE PULSE.
"To have good home form is vital. But to have decent away form is also important. Any team that is looking to make a mark or go for trophies or promotion has got to be pulling results out of the bag on a regular basis." - NIGEL WORTHINGTON.
“We were 1-0 down and that is not the best way to start the game” - THIERRY HENRY.
“Inter will be disappointed after their derby defeat last weekend. They lost 1-0 in Milan” - DAVID PLEAT.
"I never saw myself wearing any other shirt... my only colour is white" - REAL MADRID’S FERNANDO MORIENTES EXPLAINS WHY HE REJECTED A MOVE TO TOTTENHAM.
"I said to the players before the start, ‘Just go out and give it 100 per cent… I am not asking for any more than that'.” - CARLTON PALMER.
“There's no problem with Darius Vassell and quite simply there wouldn't be a problem if there was.” - GRAHAM TAYLOR.
"It's a no-win game for us. Although I suppose we can win by winning” - SPURS’ GARY DOHERTY.
INTERVIEWER: "A Leicester City statement says 'we are experiencing short- and medium-term cashflow problems'. What does that mean?"
DAVE BASSETT: "It means they're having problems in the short-term and they're going to have problems in the medium-term."
GARY LINEKER: “Trevor Brooking is in the Sapporo Bowl. What’s it like, Trevor?”
TREVOR BROOKING: “It’s a bowl shape, Gary.”
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