Classy bit over here (the official Inter.. i mean joke thread) (40 Viewers)
- Thread starter Martin
- Start date
(he actually thought holland could win) World Cup 2002 humour:
Best foreign pronunciation
Number 3
Dave Dir (ESPN)
Hats off to this fine US sawker announcer for continually referring to Sweden's midfield Gooner, as "Freddy Luxembourg."
Number 2
2. Mystery Swedish TV commentator.
For labeling Ireland's keeper, "Gay Shiven."
NUMBER 1
Mr. Graham Taylor (ITV)
For his often expressed view that Blackburn's Turkish midfielder was simply "too-gay" for this World Cup lark.
(See the Turkish midfielder on the attached picture)
Best foreign pronunciation
Number 3
Dave Dir (ESPN)
Hats off to this fine US sawker announcer for continually referring to Sweden's midfield Gooner, as "Freddy Luxembourg."
Number 2
2. Mystery Swedish TV commentator.
For labeling Ireland's keeper, "Gay Shiven."
NUMBER 1
Mr. Graham Taylor (ITV)
For his often expressed view that Blackburn's Turkish midfielder was simply "too-gay" for this World Cup lark.
(See the Turkish midfielder on the attached picture)
Best comments
Number 4
Trevor Brooking (BBC, England-Brazil)
"Dyer just tried to sort of ride the defender there."
Number 3
Clive Tyldesley (ITV, France-Senegal)
"Djorkaeff will be playing in Zidane's hole."
Number 2
2. David Pleat (ITV, Germany-Brazil)
"That was a last gasp hand-job on the line."
NUMBER 1
George Hamilton (RTE)
For his disconcerting revelation - with seconds remaining of the final - that..."this thing just keeps on throbbing."
Number 4
Trevor Brooking (BBC, England-Brazil)
"Dyer just tried to sort of ride the defender there."
Number 3
Clive Tyldesley (ITV, France-Senegal)
"Djorkaeff will be playing in Zidane's hole."
Number 2
2. David Pleat (ITV, Germany-Brazil)
"That was a last gasp hand-job on the line."
NUMBER 1
George Hamilton (RTE)
For his disconcerting revelation - with seconds remaining of the final - that..."this thing just keeps on throbbing."
ALAN BRAZIL: “I was sad to hear yesterday about the death of Inspector Morse, TV’s John Shaw.”
TALKSPORT CO-HOST MIKE PARRY: “John Thaw, Alan.”
ALAN BRAZIL: “Do you know, I’ve been doing that all morning. John, if you’re listening, sorry mate.”
“Our talking point this morning is George Best, his liver transplant and the booze culture in football. Don’t forget, the best caller wins a crate of John Smith’s” - ALAN BRAZIL.
“We’ve got tailbacks on the M6. That’s been caused by the sheer weight of Trafford heading for Old Traffic” - TALKSPORT TRAVEL NEWSREADER.
"I like Lee Bowyer, he goes around whacking people" - BBC RADIO FIVE LIVE ANALYST TERRY BUTCHER.
”Traditionalists shuddered when Derby left the Baseball Ground and moved to Pride Park, but they now have an erection of which they can be proud" - DERBY WEBSITE.
“I was really surprised when the FA knocked on my doorbell” - MICHAEL OWEN.
“What we have to do is put our teeth into the Premiership” - PETER SCHMEICHEL.
"Wayne Rooney can go all the way to the top if he keeps his head firmly on the ground" - DAVID UNSWORTH.
“Robert Redford used to be such a handsome man and now look at him: everything has dropped, expanded and turned a funny colour” - GEORGE BEST, UNAFRAID OF CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK.
“The kids Michael Jackson will meet will not ever forget that day” - EXETER CITY CHAIRMAN URI GELLER ON HIS PAL’S VISIT TO THE CLUB.
“King stole in at the far post to nick a late goal… too late to get his team out of jail" - OFFICIAL CHELSEA WEBSITE ON GILLNGHAM’S MARLON KING, RELEASED FROM A PRISON TERM JUST IN TIME TO PLAY IN THEIR WORTHINGTON CUP TIE.
“Steven Carr has hit a small blimp but we're hoping that he'll be back on course in the near future” - GLENN HODDLE.
“Every team has a blimp during the season and it's how you react to that blimp that's important." - GLENN HODDLE.
“Arsenal have got over their blimp now” - GLENN HODDLE.
“It looks as if I am trying to stab Dave Bassett in the back but I’m not holding a gun to anybody’s head” - MICKY ADAMS.
KEEGAN V ROBSON - THE GREAT SHOWDOWN
“The Under-17s are doing very well. You get bunches of players like you do bananas, though that is a bad comparison" – KEVIN KEEGAN ON THE MANCHESTER CITY OFFICIAL WEBSITE.
“I played cricket for my local village. It was 40 overs per side, and the team that had the most runs won. It was that sort of football” - SIR BOBBY ROBSON.
“Not many teams will come to Arsenal and get anything, home or away” – KEGGY.
"Football never surprises you and it never sometimes demoralises you" - SIR BOBBY.
“I know what is around the corner - I just don't know where the corner is. But the onus is on us to perform and we must control the bandwagon” - KEGGY.
"Both teams - and Brazil even - got better on their way to the World Cup final” - SIR BOBBY.
"Shaun Wright-Phillips has got a big heart. It's as big as him, which isn't very big, but it's bigger" - KEGGY.
“There will be a game where somebody scores more than Brazil and that might be the game that they lose” - BOBBY ROBSON.
“We haven’t got the distraction of the Champions League or the European Cup like some teams have” - KEGGY.
"If we start counting our chickens before they hatch, they won't lay any eggs in the basket" - BOBBY ROBSON.
"I think the league table is a pretty good barometer of how you are doing" - KEGGY.
“All right, Bellamy came on at Liverpool and did well, but everybody thinks that he's the saviour, he's Jesus Christ. He's not Jesus Christ” – SIR BOBBY.
"Nicolas Anelka left Arsenal for £23million and they built a training ground on him” - KEGGY.
“Jermaine Jenas is a fit lad. He gets from box to box in all of 90 minutes” - BOBBY ROBSON
"If you put a template for the ideal striker into a computer, like they do with cars and it then sends out the perfect aerodynamic hatchback, it would come out with Thierry Henry and Nicolas Anelka” - KEGGY.
“We don't want our players to be monks, we want them to be football players because a monk doesn't play football at this level.” – SIR BOBBY ROBSON
“As far as I'm concerned, Danny Tiatto doesn't exist” – KEVIN KEEGAN
”Sarajevo isn’t Hawaii” – SIR BOBBY ROBSON
"When cars are designed they feed the information into a computer and it throws out this aerodynamic design with the hatchback and all the trimmings. If you put the details for a centre-half into a computer, especially a left-sided one, and you said he needs to be six-foot three, he needs to be quick, he needs to be strong, and he needs to be able to use the ball, then it would be Sylvain Distin" - KEGGY.
TALKSPORT CO-HOST MIKE PARRY: “John Thaw, Alan.”
ALAN BRAZIL: “Do you know, I’ve been doing that all morning. John, if you’re listening, sorry mate.”
“Our talking point this morning is George Best, his liver transplant and the booze culture in football. Don’t forget, the best caller wins a crate of John Smith’s” - ALAN BRAZIL.
“We’ve got tailbacks on the M6. That’s been caused by the sheer weight of Trafford heading for Old Traffic” - TALKSPORT TRAVEL NEWSREADER.
"I like Lee Bowyer, he goes around whacking people" - BBC RADIO FIVE LIVE ANALYST TERRY BUTCHER.
”Traditionalists shuddered when Derby left the Baseball Ground and moved to Pride Park, but they now have an erection of which they can be proud" - DERBY WEBSITE.
“I was really surprised when the FA knocked on my doorbell” - MICHAEL OWEN.
“What we have to do is put our teeth into the Premiership” - PETER SCHMEICHEL.
"Wayne Rooney can go all the way to the top if he keeps his head firmly on the ground" - DAVID UNSWORTH.
“Robert Redford used to be such a handsome man and now look at him: everything has dropped, expanded and turned a funny colour” - GEORGE BEST, UNAFRAID OF CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK.
“The kids Michael Jackson will meet will not ever forget that day” - EXETER CITY CHAIRMAN URI GELLER ON HIS PAL’S VISIT TO THE CLUB.
“King stole in at the far post to nick a late goal… too late to get his team out of jail" - OFFICIAL CHELSEA WEBSITE ON GILLNGHAM’S MARLON KING, RELEASED FROM A PRISON TERM JUST IN TIME TO PLAY IN THEIR WORTHINGTON CUP TIE.
“Steven Carr has hit a small blimp but we're hoping that he'll be back on course in the near future” - GLENN HODDLE.
“Every team has a blimp during the season and it's how you react to that blimp that's important." - GLENN HODDLE.
“Arsenal have got over their blimp now” - GLENN HODDLE.
“It looks as if I am trying to stab Dave Bassett in the back but I’m not holding a gun to anybody’s head” - MICKY ADAMS.
KEEGAN V ROBSON - THE GREAT SHOWDOWN
“The Under-17s are doing very well. You get bunches of players like you do bananas, though that is a bad comparison" – KEVIN KEEGAN ON THE MANCHESTER CITY OFFICIAL WEBSITE.
“I played cricket for my local village. It was 40 overs per side, and the team that had the most runs won. It was that sort of football” - SIR BOBBY ROBSON.
“Not many teams will come to Arsenal and get anything, home or away” – KEGGY.
"Football never surprises you and it never sometimes demoralises you" - SIR BOBBY.
“I know what is around the corner - I just don't know where the corner is. But the onus is on us to perform and we must control the bandwagon” - KEGGY.
"Both teams - and Brazil even - got better on their way to the World Cup final” - SIR BOBBY.
"Shaun Wright-Phillips has got a big heart. It's as big as him, which isn't very big, but it's bigger" - KEGGY.
“There will be a game where somebody scores more than Brazil and that might be the game that they lose” - BOBBY ROBSON.
“We haven’t got the distraction of the Champions League or the European Cup like some teams have” - KEGGY.
"If we start counting our chickens before they hatch, they won't lay any eggs in the basket" - BOBBY ROBSON.
"I think the league table is a pretty good barometer of how you are doing" - KEGGY.
“All right, Bellamy came on at Liverpool and did well, but everybody thinks that he's the saviour, he's Jesus Christ. He's not Jesus Christ” – SIR BOBBY.
"Nicolas Anelka left Arsenal for £23million and they built a training ground on him” - KEGGY.
“Jermaine Jenas is a fit lad. He gets from box to box in all of 90 minutes” - BOBBY ROBSON
"If you put a template for the ideal striker into a computer, like they do with cars and it then sends out the perfect aerodynamic hatchback, it would come out with Thierry Henry and Nicolas Anelka” - KEGGY.
“We don't want our players to be monks, we want them to be football players because a monk doesn't play football at this level.” – SIR BOBBY ROBSON
“As far as I'm concerned, Danny Tiatto doesn't exist” – KEVIN KEEGAN
”Sarajevo isn’t Hawaii” – SIR BOBBY ROBSON
"When cars are designed they feed the information into a computer and it throws out this aerodynamic design with the hatchback and all the trimmings. If you put the details for a centre-half into a computer, especially a left-sided one, and you said he needs to be six-foot three, he needs to be quick, he needs to be strong, and he needs to be able to use the ball, then it would be Sylvain Distin" - KEGGY.
“He shot from all of 35 yards there, and nobody beats David Seaman from that kind of distance” - CLIVE ALLEN.
"My view is that France are above everyone else. That doesn't mean they will definitely win the tournament because history teaches us nothing is certain. But there's no doubt their quality makes them super, super favourites" – ARSENE WENGER.
"I hope Brazil win, though I worry about them. They have the best players in Europe but Brazil doesn't have the structure, planning, training or teamwork of France, England, Argentina or even Portugal" - THE IMMORTAL PELE ONCE AGAIN SHOWS HIS GENIUS FOR PREDICTION.
“It would not surprise me if we went unbeaten all season” - ARSENE WENGER.
“My players are hurting after losing to Everton. You will be surprised by the reaction from my team against Auxerre” - ARSENE WENGER, OCTOBER 22. THEY LOST AGAIN.
“We’ll show fire, endeavour and no small amount of skill. Hopefully we’ll surprise a few people with the way we play” - CAMBRIDGE MANAGER JOHN TAYLOR BEFORE HIS SIDE’S 7-0 HOME DEFEAT TO SUNDERLAND.
"Germany are definitely not Argentina" - TERRY VENABLES.
"Terry Venables could do a Barcelona at Leeds, like he did in Barcelona" - TED BUXTON.
”We are a young side that will only get younger” - NOTTINGHAM FOREST BOSS PAUL HART.
“One thing about Germany - they'll be organised, they'll be big, and they'll be strong” - ALLY McCOIST.
“Oh don't worry, it's only Ray Parlour” - SOCCER AM’S TIM LOVEJOY, COMMENTATING ON THE FA CUP FINAL ON SKY’S FANZONE, AS PARLOUR PREPARES TO HIT ARSENAL’S OPENING GOAL.
“We can match them all the way… Coventry helped me to be the player I am today - I’m looking to go back and hurt them with it” - RUSHDEN & DIAMONDS MIDFIELDER PAUL HALL BEFORE AN 8-0 DEFEAT AGAINST HIS FORMER CLUB, IN WHICH HE WAS SUBBED OFF.
U-TURNS
"Have I ever been tempted to walk away in frustration? No, never. It's a thing I'd never do. I wouldn't turn my back on the lads” - JOHN GREGORY, THREE DAYS BEFORE QUITTING ASTON VILLA.
“If this Newcastle squad stays together for the next three to five years then there will be some even better times ahead here at St James' Park” - SYLVAIN DISTIN, FIVE DAYS BEFORE SIGNING FOR MANCHESTER CITY.
"It was really Cathy's idea” – SIR ALEX FERGUSON ANNOUNCES IN FEBRUARY THAT, DESPITE SAYING HE WOULD RETIRE IN MAY 2002, HE WOULD BE STAYING ON AS MANCHESTER UNITED BOSS FOR A FEW MORE YEARS.
“I'm pleased to be staying - but once this contract is up, that will be it, I have no intention of staying on at the club in any capacity whatsoever – SIR ALEX FERGUSON, 10th FEBRUARY.
"I could go on for another three years. I would consider staying on again, postponing my retirement. It will depend on how I feel in two years. The thing about life is that your health determines everything" – SIR ALEX FERGUSON, 17th NOVEMBER.
“He's a terrific manager and I've always got on with him. There aren't too many people in the game with his record in club management and I've got the utmost respect for him. He's got vast experience from more than 30 years in football and you cannot buy that. You have to listen to people like him. It's a great boost for Villa to have him on board” – PAUL MERSON GREETS THE ARRIVAL OF GRAHAM TAYLOR AS THE NEW ASTON VILLA BOSS ON 6th FEBRUARY.
“Aston Villa seem to be standing still. Ambition has waned. I have my thoughts on Graham Taylor and I don't want to share them. Sometimes you get on with a manager and sometimes you don't. If you don't, it's best to move on. Graham Taylor said as soon as he came in that I wouldn't be part of his plans this season. appearance. I was gutted. I knew as soon as he told me that I'd have to look elsewhere” – PAUL MERSON ANNOUNCES HIS DEPARTURE FROM ASTON VILLA ON 7th AUGUST.
"David and I share one of the closest relationships of any chairman and manager in the Premiership and I reminded him of that. It is something I can see remaining the case, because we have appointed David on a long-term contract. And he knows that I think he is the best young manager in the country" - PETER RIDSDALE, 19th JANUARY.
"I believe, unequivocally, we have the best management team in the country at Leeds United. I have total faith in the work David and his team are doing and I believe they are the right people to take this club forward and achieve success. He is up there with the best" - PETER RIDSDALE, 26th FEBRUARY.
"Leeds United PLC announces that David O'Leary, manager of Leeds United Football Club has left the company by mutual consent" - PETER RIDSDALE, 27th JUNE.
"My view is that France are above everyone else. That doesn't mean they will definitely win the tournament because history teaches us nothing is certain. But there's no doubt their quality makes them super, super favourites" – ARSENE WENGER.
"I hope Brazil win, though I worry about them. They have the best players in Europe but Brazil doesn't have the structure, planning, training or teamwork of France, England, Argentina or even Portugal" - THE IMMORTAL PELE ONCE AGAIN SHOWS HIS GENIUS FOR PREDICTION.
“It would not surprise me if we went unbeaten all season” - ARSENE WENGER.
“My players are hurting after losing to Everton. You will be surprised by the reaction from my team against Auxerre” - ARSENE WENGER, OCTOBER 22. THEY LOST AGAIN.
“We’ll show fire, endeavour and no small amount of skill. Hopefully we’ll surprise a few people with the way we play” - CAMBRIDGE MANAGER JOHN TAYLOR BEFORE HIS SIDE’S 7-0 HOME DEFEAT TO SUNDERLAND.
"Germany are definitely not Argentina" - TERRY VENABLES.
"Terry Venables could do a Barcelona at Leeds, like he did in Barcelona" - TED BUXTON.
”We are a young side that will only get younger” - NOTTINGHAM FOREST BOSS PAUL HART.
“One thing about Germany - they'll be organised, they'll be big, and they'll be strong” - ALLY McCOIST.
“Oh don't worry, it's only Ray Parlour” - SOCCER AM’S TIM LOVEJOY, COMMENTATING ON THE FA CUP FINAL ON SKY’S FANZONE, AS PARLOUR PREPARES TO HIT ARSENAL’S OPENING GOAL.
“We can match them all the way… Coventry helped me to be the player I am today - I’m looking to go back and hurt them with it” - RUSHDEN & DIAMONDS MIDFIELDER PAUL HALL BEFORE AN 8-0 DEFEAT AGAINST HIS FORMER CLUB, IN WHICH HE WAS SUBBED OFF.
U-TURNS
"Have I ever been tempted to walk away in frustration? No, never. It's a thing I'd never do. I wouldn't turn my back on the lads” - JOHN GREGORY, THREE DAYS BEFORE QUITTING ASTON VILLA.
“If this Newcastle squad stays together for the next three to five years then there will be some even better times ahead here at St James' Park” - SYLVAIN DISTIN, FIVE DAYS BEFORE SIGNING FOR MANCHESTER CITY.
"It was really Cathy's idea” – SIR ALEX FERGUSON ANNOUNCES IN FEBRUARY THAT, DESPITE SAYING HE WOULD RETIRE IN MAY 2002, HE WOULD BE STAYING ON AS MANCHESTER UNITED BOSS FOR A FEW MORE YEARS.
“I'm pleased to be staying - but once this contract is up, that will be it, I have no intention of staying on at the club in any capacity whatsoever – SIR ALEX FERGUSON, 10th FEBRUARY.
"I could go on for another three years. I would consider staying on again, postponing my retirement. It will depend on how I feel in two years. The thing about life is that your health determines everything" – SIR ALEX FERGUSON, 17th NOVEMBER.
“He's a terrific manager and I've always got on with him. There aren't too many people in the game with his record in club management and I've got the utmost respect for him. He's got vast experience from more than 30 years in football and you cannot buy that. You have to listen to people like him. It's a great boost for Villa to have him on board” – PAUL MERSON GREETS THE ARRIVAL OF GRAHAM TAYLOR AS THE NEW ASTON VILLA BOSS ON 6th FEBRUARY.
“Aston Villa seem to be standing still. Ambition has waned. I have my thoughts on Graham Taylor and I don't want to share them. Sometimes you get on with a manager and sometimes you don't. If you don't, it's best to move on. Graham Taylor said as soon as he came in that I wouldn't be part of his plans this season. appearance. I was gutted. I knew as soon as he told me that I'd have to look elsewhere” – PAUL MERSON ANNOUNCES HIS DEPARTURE FROM ASTON VILLA ON 7th AUGUST.
"David and I share one of the closest relationships of any chairman and manager in the Premiership and I reminded him of that. It is something I can see remaining the case, because we have appointed David on a long-term contract. And he knows that I think he is the best young manager in the country" - PETER RIDSDALE, 19th JANUARY.
"I believe, unequivocally, we have the best management team in the country at Leeds United. I have total faith in the work David and his team are doing and I believe they are the right people to take this club forward and achieve success. He is up there with the best" - PETER RIDSDALE, 26th FEBRUARY.
"Leeds United PLC announces that David O'Leary, manager of Leeds United Football Club has left the company by mutual consent" - PETER RIDSDALE, 27th JUNE.