Classy bit over here (the official Inter.. i mean joke thread) (6 Viewers)
- Thread starter Martin
- Start date
He said...What a quickie?
She said...As opposed to what?
He said...I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said...You wear briefs, don't you?
He said...Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?
She said...Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the
money.
He said...If only you could learn to make me a proper meal, then we
could manage without the cook. And if you cleaned the house, we could fire the
maid as well.
She said...Darling, if you could only learn to satisfy me properly, we could
do without the gardener too.
He said...two inches more and I would be the king.
She said...two inches less and you'd be the queen.
He said...Why do you women always try to impress us with your looks, not with
your brains?
She said...Because there is a bigger chances that a man is a Moran than he is
blind.
He said...Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
She said...Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
He said...Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said...I would, but you're never there.
He said...Every time women look at me, they can't help thinking of sex.
She said...Yeah, 'cause you look like a prick.
He said...Shall we try a different position tonight?
She said...That’s good idea...you stand by the ironing board, while I sit on
the sofa and fart.
She said...As opposed to what?
He said...I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said...You wear briefs, don't you?
He said...Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?
She said...Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the
money.
He said...If only you could learn to make me a proper meal, then we
could manage without the cook. And if you cleaned the house, we could fire the
maid as well.
She said...Darling, if you could only learn to satisfy me properly, we could
do without the gardener too.
He said...two inches more and I would be the king.
She said...two inches less and you'd be the queen.
He said...Why do you women always try to impress us with your looks, not with
your brains?
She said...Because there is a bigger chances that a man is a Moran than he is
blind.
He said...Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
She said...Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
He said...Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said...I would, but you're never there.
He said...Every time women look at me, they can't help thinking of sex.
She said...Yeah, 'cause you look like a prick.
He said...Shall we try a different position tonight?
She said...That’s good idea...you stand by the ironing board, while I sit on
the sofa and fart.
An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?" "Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat." "But, madam, you must know that you are not wearing a panty and your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"
> >In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a
> >tight leather skirt was waiting for the bus.
> >
> >As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her
> >skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first
> >step of the bus.
> >
> >Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached
> >behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would
> >give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to
> >discover that she couldn't!
> >
> >So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip
> >her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.
> >Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little
> >smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and
> >again was unable to take the step.
> >
> >About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up
> >easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
> >
> >She was outraged and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched,
> > "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"
> >
> >The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with
> >you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was
> >friends.
> >tight leather skirt was waiting for the bus.
> >
> >As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her
> >skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first
> >step of the bus.
> >
> >Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached
> >behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would
> >give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to
> >discover that she couldn't!
> >
> >So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip
> >her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.
> >Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little
> >smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and
> >again was unable to take the step.
> >
> >About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up
> >easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
> >
> >She was outraged and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched,
> > "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"
> >
> >The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with
> >you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was
> >friends.
Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that there airplane."
And every year Martha would say, "I know Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."
One year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance."
Martha replied, "Stumpy, that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."
The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal, I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars."
Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. They landed and the pilot turned to Stumpy, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."
Stumpy replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."
And every year Martha would say, "I know Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."
One year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance."
Martha replied, "Stumpy, that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."
The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal, I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars."
Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. They landed and the pilot turned to Stumpy, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."
Stumpy replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."
One night 4 MBA students were boozing till late night and didn't study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.
In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty and weird as they could with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.
The Dean was a just person so he said that you can have the retest after 3 days. They said they will be ready by that time. On the third day they appeared before the dean. The dean said that this was a special condition test. All four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test.
They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last three day.
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THE TEST CONSISTED OF 2 QUESTIONS WITH TOTAL OF 100 MARKS.
Q.1. WRITE DOWN YOUR NAMES ------- (2 MARKS)
Q.2. WHICH TYRE BURSTED -------- (98 MARKS)
In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty and weird as they could with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.
The Dean was a just person so he said that you can have the retest after 3 days. They said they will be ready by that time. On the third day they appeared before the dean. The dean said that this was a special condition test. All four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test.
They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last three day.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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THE TEST CONSISTED OF 2 QUESTIONS WITH TOTAL OF 100 MARKS.
Q.1. WRITE DOWN YOUR NAMES ------- (2 MARKS)
Q.2. WHICH TYRE BURSTED -------- (98 MARKS)
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are wandering through the desert, hungry and hallucinating, when they come upon a rotting, dead camel.
"Well," said the Englishman, "I support Liverpool, so i guess I'll have to eat the liver."
"I support Hearts," said the Scotsman, "so I'll eat the heart."
"I support Arsenal," said the Irishman, "but I seem to have lost my appetite."
"Well," said the Englishman, "I support Liverpool, so i guess I'll have to eat the liver."
"I support Hearts," said the Scotsman, "so I'll eat the heart."
"I support Arsenal," said the Irishman, "but I seem to have lost my appetite."
