Classy bit over here (the official Inter.. i mean joke thread) (3 Viewers)
- Thread starter Martin
- Start date
Marriage quotes
===============
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to
let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they
just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If
you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving
them.
Dumas
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is,
"What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with
me.
Anonymous
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to
go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner,
soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henny Youngman
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than e-
lectronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and
the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to for-
get it once...
Anonymous
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day
he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You
can have mine."
Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
===============
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to
let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they
just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If
you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving
them.
Dumas
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is,
"What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with
me.
Anonymous
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to
go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner,
soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henny Youngman
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than e-
lectronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and
the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to for-
get it once...
Anonymous
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day
he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You
can have mine."
Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
this is the funniest thread ever
ladies and gents i present to you the kid with the potential
http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=614033
ladies and gents i present to you the kid with the potential
http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=614033
i dont go to the forums
i just found the link in another football forum
http://www.fbtz.com/forum/showthread.php?t=72019
i just found the link in another football forum
http://www.fbtz.com/forum/showthread.php?t=72019
Chinese detective
A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous
chinese detective, Mr. Sui Tansow Pok, to watch and report any activities that
might develop. A few days later, he received this report:
Most honorable sir:
You leave house.
He come house.
I watch.
He and she leave house.
I follow.
He and she get on train.
I follow.
He and she go in hotel.
I climb tree-look in window.
He kiss she.
She kiss he.
He strip she.
She strip he.
He play with she.
She play with he.
I play with me.
fall out of tree, not see.
NO FEE
A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous
chinese detective, Mr. Sui Tansow Pok, to watch and report any activities that
might develop. A few days later, he received this report:
Most honorable sir:
You leave house.
He come house.
I watch.
He and she leave house.
I follow.
He and she get on train.
I follow.
He and she go in hotel.
I climb tree-look in window.
He kiss she.
She kiss he.
He strip she.
She strip he.
He play with she.
She play with he.
I play with me.
fall out of tree, not see.
NO FEE
Donating
A man and a woman were waiting in line at the hospital donation center.
Man: "What are you doing here today?"
Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me $5 for
it."
Man: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay
me $25."
The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before
going their separate ways. Several months later, the same man and woman meet
again in the same line.
Man: "Hi there! Here to donate blood again?"
Woman: (nodding her head with mouth closed) "Unh unh."
A man and a woman were waiting in line at the hospital donation center.
Man: "What are you doing here today?"
Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me $5 for
it."
Man: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay
me $25."
The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before
going their separate ways. Several months later, the same man and woman meet
again in the same line.
Man: "Hi there! Here to donate blood again?"
Woman: (nodding her head with mouth closed) "Unh unh."
Thirteen canaries
Three young women are at a cocktail party. The conversation turns to their
position in life and it's clear that they are trying to one-up each other. The
first one says, "My husband is taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks on
vacation”, and then looks at the others with a superior demeanor.
The second one says, "Well, my husband just bought me a new Mercedes”, and
looks about with considerable pride.
Number three says, "Well, to be perfectly honest with you, we don't have much
money and we don't have any material possessions. However, one thing I can tell
you about my husband is that thirteen canaries can stand shoulder to shoulder on
his erect penis."
After this, the first one looks shamefaced and says, "Girls, I've got a
confession to make. I was just trying to impress you. You know that vacation I
was telling you about? Well, it's not to the French Riviera, it's to my parents
house for two weeks."
The second one says, "Your honesty has shamed me. It's not a Mercedes, he
bought me a Plymouth."
“ Well," the third one says, "I also have a confession to make, canary number
thirteen has to stand on one leg!"
Three young women are at a cocktail party. The conversation turns to their
position in life and it's clear that they are trying to one-up each other. The
first one says, "My husband is taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks on
vacation”, and then looks at the others with a superior demeanor.
The second one says, "Well, my husband just bought me a new Mercedes”, and
looks about with considerable pride.
Number three says, "Well, to be perfectly honest with you, we don't have much
money and we don't have any material possessions. However, one thing I can tell
you about my husband is that thirteen canaries can stand shoulder to shoulder on
his erect penis."
After this, the first one looks shamefaced and says, "Girls, I've got a
confession to make. I was just trying to impress you. You know that vacation I
was telling you about? Well, it's not to the French Riviera, it's to my parents
house for two weeks."
The second one says, "Your honesty has shamed me. It's not a Mercedes, he
bought me a Plymouth."
“ Well," the third one says, "I also have a confession to make, canary number
thirteen has to stand on one leg!"
