Search results

A__ little girl asked her mum, "Mum, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"__ _ Mum replies, "No, because she is on heat".__ _"What does that mean?" asked the child.__ _"Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."__ _ The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad...

An eldery couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small tavern, The husband leans over and asks his wife. Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and i made love to you...

A man goes to the doctor's for his wife's test results. > >Mr Smith : "I'm here for Mrs Smith's test results." > >Receptionist : "Oh, I'm sorry Mr Smith, there's been a problem. We have >2 sets of test results for a Mrs Smith and we don't know which belongs >to your wife..... I'm afraid...

Four brothers left home for college, and they soon became successful doctors, stock brokers, and lawyers and they prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the Christmas gifts that they were able to give to their elderly mother who lived in...

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar. She raised > her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the > people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a > drink?" > > The bar went silent as the patrons tried...

An old lady is very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. She went to the undertakers to have one last look at her dearly departed husband. The instant she saw him she started crying. One of the undertakers strides up to provide comfort in this sombre moment. Through her...

An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She is chatting with St.Peter at > the "Pearly Gates" when all of sudden she hears the most awful > bloodcurdling screams. "Don't worry about that," says St. Peter, "it's > only someone having the holes bored on their shoulder blades for the > wings."...

Dear Cats, When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two cats in the way. The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the...

HOW TO TELL THE SEX OF A FLY > >--------------------------------------------- > > > >A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a > >fly swatter. > > > >"What are you doing?" She asked. > > > >"Hunting flies." He responded. > > > >"Oh. Killing any?" She...

> Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When >they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in >heaven...don't step on the ducks!" > > So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the > place. It is almost...

And another joke that I can post here!!! A shepherd is herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advances out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out of the window and...

Hey, at last, a joke I can post here!!!!!!!!!!Several cannibals were recently hired by the FBI. _"You are all part of > our team now," said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all > the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, > but please don't eat...

And another one! > >Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My >three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I >was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick >lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining...

Ever said something and wished you'd kept your mouth shut!!! read on! > >I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the >bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a >mess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few >shots. They...

Dear Sir, > > > > > > I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I > > > endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations some > > > three nano seconds must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque > > > and the arrival in my account of the funds needed...

How To Wash The Cat! 1. Thoroughly clean the toilet. 2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water. 3. Obtain the cat and carry to the bathroom. 4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he/she cannot...

> The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told >my > > husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" > > Well, the hours passed and the champagne was going down way too easy. > > Around > > 3 a.m., drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in...

How to handle a difficult customer ... If you ever have a difficult situation to manage, you might consider the approach offered by this obviously well trained Customer Service Officer. Indeed, an award should go to the Virgin Airlines gate attendant in Sydney some months ago for...

Political content is outside the scope of the forum. Martin

Oh my god, as if you could of made them up.....I heard far worse believe me......I know you're no sicko!