Classy bit over here (the official Inter.. i mean joke thread) (5 Viewers)

[Gandalf]

here is some stuff to cheer you up after last night disappointment..

if it is not funny.. then, it's another disappointment.. you must be used to it by now.. :groan:

-------------------------

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: “Hi, how are you?”

I’m not the type to start a conversation in the men’s restroom, but I don’t know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat, embarrassed: “Doin’ just fine!”
And the other guy says: “So what are you up to?”

What kind of question is that? At that point, I’m thinking this is too bizarre so I say: “Uhhh, I’m like you, just traveling!”

At this point I’m just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. “Can I come over?”

Ok, this question is just too weird for me, but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him, “No…….. I’m a little busy right now!!

Then, I hear the guy say nervously…

“Listen. I’ll have to call you back. There’s an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!!!”

 

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[Layce Erayce]

:LOL:

The Mental Health Hotline
>
>"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline. . . . . . "
>
>
>
>*If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
>
>
>
>*If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
>
>
>
>*If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
>
>
>
>*If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the
>line so we can trace your call.
>
>
>
>*If you are delusional, press 7 and we will transfer your call to the
>mothership.
>
>
>
>*If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you
>which number to press.
>
>
>
>*If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press,
>no-one will answer.
>
>
>
>*If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
>
>
>
>*If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a
>representative comes on the line.
>
>
>
>*If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone
>number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden
>name.
>
>
>
>*If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y and
>c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.
>
>
>
>*If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or
>before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
>
>
>
>*If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
>
>
>
>*If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
>
>
>
>*If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
>
>
>
>*If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
>
>
>
>*If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy to
>talk to you.
>
>
>
>*If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lay down and cry. You
>won't be crazy forever.
>
>
>
>*If you are blonde don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.
>

 

[Lawnchair Bes]

some of them are very good

 

[Vicky]

damn how sad, my psychology teacher already read that to us in class and he's one of those people that ruin every single joke

 

[Layce Erayce]

 

[Vicky]

and you say I hate YOU
.... i think it's the other way around :undecide:

 

[Layce Erayce]

well i dont hate you. but i dont love u either. dunno what thats called.

 

[Vicky]

that's called
" you're fun to make fun of "

 

[Layce Erayce]

haha. i have some friends who i make fun of so much i just wanna thank them for all the good times i've had

 

[gray]

++ [ originally posted by Josh ] ++
haha. i have some friends who i make fun of so much i just wanna thank them for all the good times i've had

Ahh I've got plenty of those. Some at this very forum in fact

 

[Layce Erayce]

really? i was talking more along the lines of real life but go on...

 

[Lawnchair Bes]

his life is the forum

 

[Gandalf]

A man checked into a hotel.

There was a computer in his room,

So he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.

However, he accidentally typed the wrong e-mail address, and without realizing

his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her

husband's funeral.

The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and

friends.

After reading the first message, she fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw

the computer screen which read:




To : My Loving Wife

Subject : I've Reached

Date : 8 May 2004


I know you're surprised to hear from me.

They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send e-mails to your

loved ones.

I've just reached and have been checked in.

I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Looking forward to seeing you then!

Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

 

[gray]

:LOL: I heard that one a while ago, with the addition of

"They were right when they said it's boiling hot down here"

 

[Gandalf]

:LOL:

ok.. another one..

"A guy donated blood to his girlfriend.. When they broke up, he wanted his blood back.. The girl threw a bloody kotex at him & said: I'll pay u in monthly installment.."

 

[gray]

 

[Lawnchair Bes]

++ [ originally posted by Graham ] ++
:LOL: I heard that one a while ago, with the addition of

"They were right when they said it's boiling hot down here"

not bad

 

[AnnA]

:LOL:

 

[Bongiovi]

A man goes to the doctor's for his wife's test results.
>
>Mr Smith : "I'm here for Mrs Smith's test results."
>
>Receptionist : "Oh, I'm sorry Mr Smith, there's been a problem. We have
>2 sets of test results for a Mrs Smith and we don't know which belongs
>to your wife..... I'm afraid it's bad news or terrible news. One test
>shows Alzheimer's Disease, the other shows AIDS!"
>
>Mr Smith: "That's awful! What should I do?"
>
>Receptionist: "The doctor suggests you drop her off in the middle of
>town. If she finds her way home, don't shag her."
>

 

[Bongiovi]

An eldery couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small
tavern,
The husband leans over and asks his wife.

Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago?
We
went
behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and i made love to
you.

”Yes she says I remember it well”

Ok he says “How about taking a stroll a round there again and we can do it
for
old times sake”

Oooooooh Henry, You Devil, that sounds like a good idea she answers.

There’s a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this
and
having a
chuckle to himself. He thinks,”I’ve got to see this two old-timers having
sex
against
a fence,Ill just keep an eye on them so there’s no trouble. He follows
them..

They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by
walking
sticks,
Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the
fence. The
old
lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers down and the old man drops his
trousers, she
turns around and as she hangs on to the fence, the old man moves in,
suddenly
they
erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen,

They are bucking and jumping like eighteen-year olds. this goes on for
about
forty
minutes! She’s yelling “Ohhhh,God” he’s hanging on to her hips for dear
life.
This is
the most athletic sex imaginable, Finally, the both collapse panting on
the
ground.

The policeman is amazed, He thinks he has leaned somthing about life that
he
diden’t know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple
struggle to
their feet and put their clothes back on.

The policeman, still watching thinks, “That was truly amazing, he was
going like a train. I’ve got to ask him what his secret is.”

As the couple pass, he says to them, “That was somthing else, you must
have
been having
sex for about forty minutes. How do you manage it? You must have had a
fantastic life
together, Is there some sort of secret?

”No, there’s no secret” the old man says,

”fifty years ago that darn fence wasn’t electric.”