Classy bit over here (the official Inter.. i mean joke thread) (2 Viewers)
- Thread starter Martin
- Start date
how smart are they??
This one is for Alex 
check list BEFORE caling IT department
[A quick check list for those who need to make contact.]
1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and
children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
2. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error message from here.
3. When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 700 screen saver
passwords.
4. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't
power on at all.
5. When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.
6. When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.
7. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
8. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it.
9. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer support. We can fix your telephone line from here.
10. When you have a dozen old computer screens to get rid of, call computer support. We're collectors.
11. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T. person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.
12. When an I.T. person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.
13. When an I.T. person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us.
14. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.
15. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to
all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.
check list BEFORE caling IT department
[A quick check list for those who need to make contact.]
1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and
children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
2. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error message from here.
3. When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 700 screen saver
passwords.
4. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't
power on at all.
5. When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.
6. When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.
7. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
8. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it.
9. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer support. We can fix your telephone line from here.
10. When you have a dozen old computer screens to get rid of, call computer support. We're collectors.
11. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T. person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.
12. When an I.T. person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.
13. When an I.T. person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us.
14. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.
15. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to
all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.
Couple of funny computer quotes..
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
Can you compile your Windows?
Using Windows is like going back to second grade math
Linux: Because a Pc is a terrible thing to waste
Type any 11-digit prime number to continue
May the source be with you
The meta-turing test states that a machine is truly intelligent when it performs the Turing Test on objects of its own creation.
The Five Phases of Development: 1) Excitement 2) Disillusion 3) Search For The Guilty 4) Punish The Innocent 5) Reward The Uninvolved. WARNING: We think lots of people are exploitable.
Pick the fone, call a random number and shout: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...AAAA" (more than 1024). Chances are that the connection will get dropped.
ACK and you shall receive.
"Ok, but before that's done, I'd like to see a law against referring to people who write in VB as 'programmers.'"
If a function be advertised to return an error code in the event of difficulties, thou shalt check for that code, yea, even though the checks triple the size of thy code and produce aches in thy typing fingers, for if thou thinkest ``it cannot happen to me'', the gods shall surely punish thee for thy arrogance.
Ooh, I love your magazine. Especially the 'Enrich Your Wordpower' section. I think it's really...really... really...good. -- Homer Simpson (not linux but whatever)
We are experiencing MVS processor spin loops, the programs are running while holding a disabled CPU. This is causing XCF communication delays to the point where we are losing VTAM RTP routing, are suffering OSPF adjacency failures on TCP/IP dynamic routing and MIM VCF failures. Whatever this code is, it should NOT be propagated to production or we run the risk of losing the development plex if XCF signaling is adversely impacted by processor disabled spin loops. :dazed:
Emacs is an excellent operating system, a shame it hasn't got a decent text editor.
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
Can you compile your Windows?
Using Windows is like going back to second grade math
Linux: Because a Pc is a terrible thing to waste
Type any 11-digit prime number to continue
May the source be with you
The meta-turing test states that a machine is truly intelligent when it performs the Turing Test on objects of its own creation.
The Five Phases of Development: 1) Excitement 2) Disillusion 3) Search For The Guilty 4) Punish The Innocent 5) Reward The Uninvolved. WARNING: We think lots of people are exploitable.
Pick the fone, call a random number and shout: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...AAAA" (more than 1024). Chances are that the connection will get dropped.
ACK and you shall receive.
"Ok, but before that's done, I'd like to see a law against referring to people who write in VB as 'programmers.'"
If a function be advertised to return an error code in the event of difficulties, thou shalt check for that code, yea, even though the checks triple the size of thy code and produce aches in thy typing fingers, for if thou thinkest ``it cannot happen to me'', the gods shall surely punish thee for thy arrogance.
Ooh, I love your magazine. Especially the 'Enrich Your Wordpower' section. I think it's really...really... really...good. -- Homer Simpson (not linux but whatever)
We are experiencing MVS processor spin loops, the programs are running while holding a disabled CPU. This is causing XCF communication delays to the point where we are losing VTAM RTP routing, are suffering OSPF adjacency failures on TCP/IP dynamic routing and MIM VCF failures. Whatever this code is, it should NOT be propagated to production or we run the risk of losing the development plex if XCF signaling is adversely impacted by processor disabled spin loops. :dazed:
Emacs is an excellent operating system, a shame it hasn't got a decent text editor.
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention
OK....
I've seen enough, when I started this thread it was supposed to be "classy" non offensive humor, the kind you don't have to cencor for anyone. But some of you here have stooped to lows I couldn't even imagine. The last straw was Tom with his disgusting jokes targeting Michael Jackson. I you have nothing worthwhile to say, keep your mouth shut. If you want this thread to continue, cut the crap and post some humor that does not entirely base its existence on toilet/sex related "jokes" or any other crap themes that would call for cencorship. :fero:
I've seen enough, when I started this thread it was supposed to be "classy" non offensive humor, the kind you don't have to cencor for anyone. But some of you here have stooped to lows I couldn't even imagine. The last straw was Tom with his disgusting jokes targeting Michael Jackson. I you have nothing worthwhile to say, keep your mouth shut. If you want this thread to continue, cut the crap and post some humor that does not entirely base its existence on toilet/sex related "jokes" or any other crap themes that would call for cencorship. :fero:
Atlanta Man in New York
A man from Atlanta moved to New York.
As he wandered the streets he stopped at an antique shop and decided to go in. On looking around he noticed a very strange looking bronze cat which had a tag on it saying, "Bronze Cat $30.00, Story $150.00".
The man was very curious and asked the salesman to explain.
"Well" said the man, "its just like it says, $30 for the cat and $150 for its story".
"I'll just take the cat," said the man.
"Very well, but you will be back," said the salesman.
The man left the shop with the cat in his pocket.
As he walked down the street he heard a strange mewing sound. On turning around he noticed there were a couple of cats following him.
The further he walked the more cats seemed to follow him. As he got to the Brooklyn Bridge he turned to see thousands of cats behind him.
"Screw this!" he said to himself and threw the bronze cat into the river. All the cats jumped into the river too and were drowned.
The man returned to the shop where he bought the cat.
"I knew you would be back. $150.00 for the story," said the salesman.
"Forget the story," said the man. "Have you got a bronze Mets fan?"
A man from Atlanta moved to New York.
As he wandered the streets he stopped at an antique shop and decided to go in. On looking around he noticed a very strange looking bronze cat which had a tag on it saying, "Bronze Cat $30.00, Story $150.00".
The man was very curious and asked the salesman to explain.
"Well" said the man, "its just like it says, $30 for the cat and $150 for its story".
"I'll just take the cat," said the man.
"Very well, but you will be back," said the salesman.
The man left the shop with the cat in his pocket.
As he walked down the street he heard a strange mewing sound. On turning around he noticed there were a couple of cats following him.
The further he walked the more cats seemed to follow him. As he got to the Brooklyn Bridge he turned to see thousands of cats behind him.
"Screw this!" he said to himself and threw the bronze cat into the river. All the cats jumped into the river too and were drowned.
The man returned to the shop where he bought the cat.
"I knew you would be back. $150.00 for the story," said the salesman.
"Forget the story," said the man. "Have you got a bronze Mets fan?"