So my birthday was Pi Day. My brother, the cop, gets me the coolest things. He got me a 160 lumens flashlight. You know it's cool because it comes with the warning, "DO NOT SHINE THIS FLASHLIGHT DIRECTLY INTO ANY PERSON'S EYES: THIS MAY RESULT IN INJURY".
And the warranty on the box? "The above guarantee does not cover shark bite, bear attack or children under 5."
No, seriously.