The official (make fun of) Inter thread (6 Viewers)

[Marc]

PART 3

Mancini & Moratti are reading the Monday Gazzetta dello Sport, wondering if Grosso & Matrix being in Italy squad will show Inter fans they actually have 2 decent Italian players

MANCIO:That Milanista scum Donadoni hasn't helped us today boss. 2 whole players in Italy squad, what is he thinking? The fans we be on to us, why did we keep them, you know Italian players play well in Serie A, what were you thinking?
MORATTI:Shut up you fool. You are never to insult the Mighty Milan again. I've doubled Grosso's wages if he fakes an injury & misses both games, Nesta is fit so Matrix won't get headbutted, so be quiet.
MANCIO:Sorry boss, was thinking again. I understand now.
MORATTI:Good boy, I knew I could count on you. Anyway, don't worry yourself over Donadoni, he seems to be pretending to be useless, like you. Maybe Blatter got him the Italy job? You know how much his FIFA cronies hated Italy winning the World Cup this summer. Then the Zizou v Matrix thing, my God, a bad summer for old Sepp, nearly as bad as mine.
MANCIO:I know boss, us being given that scuddetto after all our efforts to never win it, that Rossi has a lot to answer for! I thought you & him had this calciopoli sorted?
MORATTI:So did I, so did I. I'll sort that wide-load out later, you just worry about keeping Hernan out of the box, play him at rightback, or in goal, I don't care, his next goal bonus is coming out of your wages!

Will Crespo be allowed over half-way next match? Is Donadoni really Blatters pal? Will Matrix find someone else's sister? Tune in next time & see...

 

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[Marc]

Moratti & his new signing Crespo are at Inter's headquarters discussing the strikers unfortunate thigh strain.

CRESPO:Il presidente, I cant believe you've made me pretend to be injured.
MORATTI:Hernan, my friend, I told you in the summer, if I saved you from being bored to death playing for Jose, you would have to do anything I asked of you.
CRESPO:I know, & its only because English football is so bad that I agreed, I mean honestly, would you play away at Bolton when you could be in Florence?
MORATTI:Agreed, but you have become dangerous to the plan. What is it with you Argies? Cruz last year, now you. I don't ask much of my strikers, just don't score goals, Ibra & Adriano got it so quickly, whats your problem?
CRESPO:Sorry Mr Moratti, I try much less in future. Do you think the fans will suspect anything if I start missing the goal?
MORATTI:I hope so, otherwise you'll have to get "homesick" again & go back to Argentina, like your buddy Seba! Now leave me, I need to speak to that idiot Donadoni about Grosso's injury. Inter players in the Italy squad, ha, next you'll be telling me we won lo scudetto!

Can Crespo miss as badly as Ibra? Will Adriano ever be allowed to score? Who's phone will Moratti tap next? Tune in next time & find out...

 

[Marc]

PART V

Moratti is sat in his Ivory tower, listening to old phone taps, his 2nd favourite pasttime (after making Inter lose games!), when his own tapfree phone rings.

MORATTI:Hello?
RECOBA:Hi Massimo, its Alvaro, your Chinese takeaway delivery boy disguised as a Serie A striker. I'm a little upset at my treatment this term, you've not used me much, its not how you promised it would be.
MORATTI: I know my boy but Ibra & Adriano are doing your job well, & they are seen as world class, ha ha ha
RECOBA:Yes but I was always your favourite, & also I'm very upset by these stories you tapped Bobo's phone & followed him, its very disturbing news.
MORATTI: Why does it upset you so?
RECOBA:Because your not giving me the same treatment!
MORATTI:Oh Alvaro, don't talk such rubbish, I have cameras all over your house so I can see you 24 hours a day, I love to watch you Chino, you know thats why I keep telling these stupid managers to play you, because if it wasn't for you, we might have won many trophies, & you know how I'd hate that.
RECOBA:Ok boss, thank you, I knew you still felt the same about me!
MORATTI:Its Ok my slant-eyed lover, you know I'll look after you so long as you keep up your barn door missing skills!
RECOBA:Wow I will boss I promise. Anything for you. Bye.

Moratti hangs up, smiling to himself, & turning to a picture of Maldini above his fire mutters to himself

"forza Milan, forza Milan! I wonder if anyone will every figure out me owning Inter is the longest running episode of scherzi a parte of all time!

Will anyone ever see Moratti in his Baresi shirt? Can Recoba break up the dream team of Adriano/Ibra? Will Inter fans ever get a life? Tune in next time & find out...

 

[Marc]

PART VI

Our hero Moratti is sat in his George Weah testamonial shirt, when he decides to ring an old friend

MORATTI:Now then amico, how are you, you haven't called for a while.
BERLUSCONI:Ahh, Massimo, I haven't dared, with all these phone taps everywhere.
MORATTI:Yes but you & I will never be caught, my friends at Telecom have seen to that, why do you think you're still in Serie A & the CL?
BERLUSCONI:I meant to thank you for that, I'm very lucky to have you as a fan, no?
MORATTI:Too bloody true, how many time have I looked after you over the years? Remember the 6-0?
BERLUSCONI:Oh what a day that was, we could never have done it without you, anyway, down to business, why the call?
MORATTI:Well, glad you asked, your transfer policy this summer was sound as always, we paid Juve way over the odds for the guys you want, then we can sell them to you for peanuts next year.
BERLUSCONI:No, I think not my idiot friend, we wouldn't touch Ibra in a million years! Vieira is past it now too. I think you spend too much time watching that Recoba, he clouds your judgement. I'll never forget the day you bought him, I've never laughed so much in all my life.
MORATTI:It was fate my friend, who would have thought me of all people would fall in love with the delivery boy from your local chinese takeaway..........

Will Ibra play for Milan? Is Moratti ready to come out of the closet & declare his undying love for Recoba? Did Berlusconi ever get his sweet & sour pork balls? Tune in next time & find out.....

 

[Marc]

PART VII

Our erstwhile hero Moratti is sat in his office, discussing future transfers with his trusty sidekick Mancini;

MORATTI:I'm telling you we need to get Ronaldinho, he is the final piece in my master plan.
MANCIO:There is no way he'd play for us, besides you could never pay him enough to be as bad as our players need to be....
MORATTI:How many times will you underestimate my skill at signing world class players & turning them into useless sunday league hackers. How many times have I done it in the past, yet still they doubt me.
MANCIO:Ok boss, I know the names. Baggio, Carlos, Lippi, Adriano, Recoba.
MORATTIon't you mention his name with those others, & you are forgetting one of my finest moments, Pirlo. Now he refused to be as poor as I asked, a bit like Crespo now, so we never played him, you could learn something there my young apprentice
MANCIO:Yes boss, I know, strikers who can't score right?
MORATTI:Good boy.

Will Mancio ever learn, is Moratti's love for Alvaro taking over his life? Could Milanese dentists cope with Recoba & Ronaldinho at the same time? Tune in next time to find out.

 

[Marc]

PART VIII

Our story continues at the Inter training ground, where our hero has stormed into Mancini's office & is far from happy

MORATTI:How dare you criticise Alvaro like that in public. I have Sven on stand by for your job right now, & he only wants paying in kind, if you get my meaning. Talk, and talk fast boy.
MANCIO: Boss, I didn't mean it, it was just a smoke-screen. He isn't playing and I thought I could get him back in the limelight for you.
MORATTI:You better not be lying to me Robby, I really do like Sven, he KNOWS how to get the worst out of players, & thats all I ask of you.
MANCIO: I'm telling the truth boss, all I want is for Inter to suck, like you. A bit of bad press will be good for getting the morale back down, esp with Milan dropping points again.
MORATTI: Good thinking, but don't think too much, you know I dont like it. I see that while a real striker like Del Piero hunts his 200th club goal for Juve, our boy Adriano hasn't scored for 199 days.
MANCIO: I know, if he makes it to 200 we shall have a big party, no?
MORATTI: Of course my boy, I mean, a Brazilian who can't score for that long? A new record surely?
MANCIO: Only since Pele started doing the viagra adverts boss.....................

Can this crazy double act still be togther at Christmas? Is Recoba a ladyboy? Will Adriano score before Sven? Tune in next time & find out

 

[Marc]

PART IX

Its Adriano's party & many of the guests are sat together discussing the comedy football that helped them pass this historic milestone;

RECOBA: Well done my friend, if you can produce droughts like this every year, you'll make our owner so proud, just like me!
ZANETTI: Chino, we all know that none of us can make Moratti smile like you do, we're all hetro!
CORDOBA: Yeah shut it, and where are my prawn noodles, do you ever take these orders right, you stupid delivery boy.
RECOBA: You're all just jealous because I get paid more than you, despite not being a real footballer, ha ha ha!

As il Chino runs for cover (or at least Moratti's bed!), Zlatan is in a lonely corner sulking with Toldo;

IBRA: Yeah yeah 200 days, big wow, I bet I can top that
TOLDO: I dunno Zlatan, I regularly go 200 days without a game, I was loved here until I started saving shots!
IBRA: I bet I can go one better, I bet I can have 200 shots before I score again. But I might have to wait a while for that, at the moment I'm working on getting so suspended I'm banned for 200 days! How long do you think I'll get for the spitting?
RECOBA: (butting in) Mr Moratti prefers us to swallow.........

Will Toldo keep another clean sheet? Is Ibra contemplating breaking Sinisa's all time ban record? Has Recoba let more slip than he should? As always, tune in next time & find out!

 

[Marc]

PART X

Our favourite hero is sat at his desk when Mancini walks in to discuss the weeks CL action.

MANCIO: Big night in CL for us this week boss.
MORATTI: Yes, Anderlecht away.
MANCIO: Boss we're playing Spartak at home, are you ok?
MORATTI: Oh, you mean Inter, sorry, was thinking out loud. Yes, so, Spartak Moscow, what are your ideas for the game?
MANCIO: It doesn't matter what I think, you'll tell me to make sure we lose, don't score & finish with as few players as possible, right boss.
MORATTI: Usually you'd be right my boy, but tomorrow is a very big day for you. I feel the fans are onto me. If you lose, I might have to fire you to cover myself. So I have a deal for you, win, but badly, I mean really ugly football
MANCIO: You mean play like we're coached by Capello?
MORATTI: Not that bad you fool, then I'd be asleep in the stand & how would that look on TV? Another surprise I have for you as well, you can play Hernan in this game, & I've given him my blessing to score a couple of goals.
MANCIO: An Inter striker scoring goals, are you sure you're ok boss?

Will Mancio really let Crespo score? Can Mancio coach Inter to play as bad as Crapello could? Will Moratti be spotted in Anderlecht with the rest of the Milan ultras? Tune in next time & find out.

 

[Ahmed]

Oh BTW, goal.com

Scudetto Should Not Have Been Awarded – Federal Court

The President of the Federal Court declared that neither Inter nor Milan should have been awarded the 2005/06 Italian league title.


Another twist in the Calciopoli saga, as Piero Sandulli, President of the Federal Court, stated that the Serie A title for the incriminated season should have never been awarded to any team.

“We did not worry about anything else except for the non-awarding of the league title. I believe that would have been the best decision, both with regards to Inter and to Milan.

“From a personal point of view, I believe that it would have been fair not awarding it to anyone.”

Milan have asked for the Scudetto in their Arbitrary appeal.

“I don’t think it would be opportune to do so,” commented Sandulli. “Probably it would not be so either awarding it to the third placed team. It could have been left not awarded the title as a memento.”


A bit late to talk now isn't it??

both the milan clubs are dogs...i kind of used to like milan but now screw them both

 

[Albertmare]

Juventus goalkeeper Gigi Buffon has taken a swipe at two of his former teammates.
Aiming his sights at Inter Milan pair Patrick Vieira and Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Buffon, when asked if he could leave Juve to challenge again for the Scudetto, rapped: "Should I join AC Milan in order to win another Scudetto?

"That has been removed from the chest of many great champions (at Juve).

"Some have left Juve so they can still wear it."

quote of the week u are the man Buffon

 

[vletrmx]

i think during this appeal, there will be some points added for inter as it is obvious, that inter has big problems in fighting for scudeto, because there are still some evil forces in italian football, especialy in seria b, left..

 

[sateeh]

good stuff mark83

i heard Mancini praising his defence after the Udinese game i can't believe that , they have Vincenzo Iaquinta as their lone striker ffs

 

[Turk_Bianconero]

good stuff mark83

i heard Mancini praising his defence after the Udinese game i can't believe that , they have Vincenzo Iaquinta as their lone striker ffs

haa haaa haaa

 

[AngelaL]

Juventus goalkeeper Gigi Buffon has taken a swipe at two of his former teammates.
Aiming his sights at Inter Milan pair Patrick Vieira and Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Buffon, when asked if he could leave Juve to challenge again for the Scudetto, rapped: "Should I join AC Milan in order to win another Scudetto?

"That has been removed from the chest of many great champions (at Juve).

"Some have left Juve so they can still wear it."

Ahh, Gigi. You're a man of intelligence. I :heart2: intelligent men.

 

[AngelaL]

i think during this appeal, there will be some points added for inter as it is obvious, that inter has big problems in fighting for scudeto, because there are still some evil forces in italian football, especialy in seria b, left..

I think that, during this appeal, there should be some Penalty points for inter; - minus 60 at least!

 

[Maresca]

Juventus goalkeeper Gigi Buffon has taken a swipe at two of his former teammates.
Aiming his sights at Inter Milan pair Patrick Vieira and Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Buffon, when asked if he could leave Juve to challenge again for the Scudetto, rapped: "Should I join AC Milan in order to win another Scudetto?

"That has been removed from the chest of many great champions (at Juve).

"Some have left Juve so they can still wear it."

Gigi is just world class even in his words

 

[Maresca]

Ahh, Gigi. You're a man of intelligence. I :heart2: intelligent men.

then you should come to me sweetheart:eyebrows:

 

[AngelaL]

then you should come to me sweetheart:eyebrows:

Have you guys read the latest pathetic drivel from mancini (from eurosport.com): -

"It's our own fault," admits Mancini.

Internazionale coach Roberto Mancini admitted that Adriano's poor form is a result of the club pushing him too hard after his return from the World Cup this summer. The club have sent the mis-firing striker back to Brazil on indefinite leave so that he can have "complete rest" at a health farm.

"The World Cup was very tiring and stressful for him from a psychological point of view," Mancini said.

"We wanted to have him back early, so for that reason I say it was our error. Speaking to Adriano, I think at this moment in time he needs to stay calm, take a few days to rest and train productively when he returns.

"A lot of players struggle to regain their form after a World Cup, so Adriano isn't the only one.

"In the old days they used to send players into the mountains for five or six days to recuperate and relax. Now there is this option. He feels calm at home and that's fine with us.

"It was a decision we took together with Adriano and evaluated all the alternatives, picking what was best for him and Inter.

"The most important thing is that he can get back in shape, as at times you need to really switch off for a while."

Eurosport - AS - 24/10/2006 13:45

To rest...... as per the photos supplied by AlextheGreat on page 46 (Party,party).

 

[Azzurri7]

good stuff mark83

i heard Mancini praising his defence after the Udinese game i can't believe that , they have Vincenzo Iaquinta as their lone striker ffs

I wonder, when will he ever be ashamed of himself??? What a prick.

 

[The Arif]

"It's our own fault," admits Mancini.

what an idiot. of course its your fault. i am surprised he didnt attack juve about adriano's form.