Juvenile joke thread (4 Viewers)

[Layce Erayce]

Someone else gets credit for this one :

A sex-starved wife is fed up with her boozy husband. Every night he comes in drunk and falls asleep straight away. It comes to a point where she hasn't had a good shag for over a year and is considering divorce. After another night in the pub, she decides to confront him when he gets home. When he staggers through the front door, before she can have a go at him, he coos "baby, get upstairs to the bedroom". She can't believe it - at last he's
going to give her one. They get to the bedroom and he rips off her clothes. "Now darling do a hand-stand against the full length mirror on the wall." "Hmmm," she things "KINKY. I like it". She does the hand-stand and her hubby pulls her legs apart and puts his chin on her privates. "The boys down the pub were right," he says, " a goatee would suit me!"

 

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[Dragon]

lol that ones so funny

 

[Dj Juve]

lmao :LOL:

 

[Bongiovi]

>Subject:Male comebacks to female comebacks to male pick up lines -
>
>Man - Haven't I seen you someplace before?
>Woman - Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
>Man - Really? I heard it was because everyone there calls you a fat
>****.
>
>
>Man - Your place or mine?
>Woman - Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
>Man - That's cool, cause after I'm done shagging you in the back of my
>car, I don't give a shit where you go.
>
>Man - So, what do you do for a living?
>Woman - I'm a female impersonator.
>Man - That explains the moustache then!
>
>>
>Man - I would go to the end of the world for you.
>Woman - But would you stay there?
>Man - Probably, cause you seem like the kind of chick that is
>impossible to shake off once you've been shagged.
>
>and this is the best...........
>
>Man - You're pretty
>Woman - Piss off.
>Man - Don't interrupt, you're pretty ugly, you fat *****
>

 

[CuTe-17]

hahahahahahahahahahahaha....

the last one and the 1st r the best...

 

[Bongiovi]

> > >An executive was in quandrary. He had to get rid of one of his
> > >staff.
>He
> > > > had narrowed it down to one of 2 people, Debra or Jack. It would
> > > > be a
> > >hard
> > > > decision to make, as they were both equally
> > > > qualified and both did excellent work.
> > > > He finally decided that in the morning whichever one used the
> > > > water cooler first would have to go. Debra came in the next day,
> > > > hugely hungover after partying all night.
> > She
> > > > went to the cooler to get some water to take an aspirin and the
> > executive
> > > > approached her and said: "Debra, I've never done this before,
> > > > but I
> > have
> > >to lay you or Jack off."
> > > >
> > > > Debra replied, "Could you jack off? I have a terrible headache
>

 

[maxmc]

It’s not as good as ur jokes, but it’s at least worth reading it…

A wife gets pregnant and when she visits the doctor together with her husband he tells them that they had developed a new method of transfering harm from the mother to the father....
The father agrees and 9 months later they go to the hospital… at the beginning they just transfer 10 % of the harm to see how the father reacts… as he didn’t feel anything they took 30 % of the mother’s harm away – again no reaction from the man, so in the end they transfer the whole harm to the father, who still feels quite comfortable…
when they return from the hospital the postman they find the postman dead in front of the house...

 

[flieeeekke]

++ [ originally posted by Bongiovi ] ++
> > >An executive was in quandrary. He had to get rid of one of his
> > >staff.
>He
> > > > had narrowed it down to one of 2 people, Debra or Jack. It would
> > > > be a
> > >hard
> > > > decision to make, as they were both equally
> > > > qualified and both did excellent work.
> > > > He finally decided that in the morning whichever one used the
> > > > water cooler first would have to go. Debra came in the next day,
> > > > hugely hungover after partying all night.
> > She
> > > > went to the cooler to get some water to take an aspirin and the
> > executive
> > > > approached her and said: "Debra, I've never done this before,
> > > > but I
> > have
> > >to lay you or Jack off."
> > > >
> > > > Debra replied, "Could you jack off? I have a terrible headache
>

 

[Bongiovi]

Mr. Honda, of the Honda Motorcycle Corporation, died and went to heaven for
>judgement.
>At the gates, St. Peter told Mr. Honda, "Since you've been such a good man
>and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with
>anyone you want in Heaven."
>
>Mr Honda thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out
>with God. I have a question for Him.
>
>St. Peter took Mr. Honda to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.
>He then asked God, "Aren't you the inventor of women?"
>God said, "Ah, yes. Indeed I am".
>"Well," said Mr. Honda, "Professional to professional, you have some major
>design flaws in your design;
>
>1- There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
>2- It chatters constantly at high speeds.
>3- Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
>4- The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust.
>5- Plus the monthly down time and aggravation are outrageous, and I don't
>even wanna start talking about the maintenance costs.
>
>"Hmmmm, you do raise some good points "replied God, "Let's have a wee look."
>God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few things and waited
>for the results.
>After a moment God said, "Well, it may be true that my invention seems to be flawed, but according
>to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."
>

 

[Slagathor]

:LOL:

 

[mikhail]

:LOL:

 

[Zlatan]

A married couple celebrating their golden wedding anniversary decided to give each other’s gifts in the form of epitaph: The man wrote, “Here’s my one and only wife, cold as ever.” The woman wrote, “Here’s my one and only husband, stiff at last.”

 

[Zlatan]

As far as I've noticed there arent any French people on the forum, so...

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered." The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside them is color-coded." The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order." The fourth surgeon chimes in, "You know, I like construction workers. They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end and when the job takes longer than you said it would." But the fifth surgeon, Dr. Morris Fishbein, shuts them all up when he observes: "The French are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls and no spine. Plus the head and ass are interchangeable."

 

[Zlatan]

Another one:

Heaven is where the police are British, the cooks are French, the mechanics German, the lovers Italian and it's all organised by the Swiss.

Hell is where the chefs are British, the mechanics French, the lover's Swiss, the police German and it's all organised by the Italians.

 

[K10]

++ [ originally posted by G_O_A_T ] ++
Another one:

Heaven is where the police are British, the cooks are French, the mechanics German, the lovers Italian and it's all organised by the Swiss.

Hell is where the chefs are British, the mechanics French, the lover's Swiss, the police German and it's all organised by the Italians.

nice

 

[Bongiovi]

Three Drunk Women had a very late night drinking.
They left in the early morning hours and went home their separate ways.
The next day, they all met and compared notes about who was drunker the
night before.
The first girl claimed that she was the drunkest, saying, "I drove
straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got through the door
I blew chunks for 10 minutes."
The second said, "You think that was drunk? Hell I got into my car and
wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don't even have insurance!"
The third proclaimed, "Damn, I was the drunkest by far. When I got home, I
got into a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over, and burned the
whole house down!"
The room was silent for a moment.



Then, the first girl spoke out again, "Listen girls, I don't think you
understand...Chunks is my dog."

 

[Zlatan]

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar and each orders a pint of beer. When the drinks arrive they notice that all three pints have a fly in them.
The Englishman just looks at his pint in disgust and pushes it away.
The Irishman picks out the fly with his fingers, throws it on the floor and proceeds to drink his beer.
The Scotsman picks the fly out of his pint, and holds it over the drinking saying, "Come on you little git, spit it out!"

 

[Desmond]

++ [ originally posted by Bongiovi ] ++
Three Drunk Women had a very late night drinking.
They left in the early morning hours and went home their separate ways.
The next day, they all met and compared notes about who was drunker the
night before.
The first girl claimed that she was the drunkest, saying, "I drove
straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got through the door
I blew chunks for 10 minutes."
The second said, "You think that was drunk? Hell I got into my car and
wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don't even have insurance!"
The third proclaimed, "Damn, I was the drunkest by far. When I got home, I
got into a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over, and burned the
whole house down!"
The room was silent for a moment.



Then, the first girl spoke out again, "Listen girls, I don't think you
understand...Chunks is my dog."

 

[JuveTrueChamps]

NEWSFLASH: Saadaam hussain was recently saw in southern iraq, troops have been sent in too look for him. The Us government have offered 35 million for him........................................................Chelsea have offered 40 million

 

[Bongiovi]

Three Leprechauns, Mick, Eugene and Pat, are sitting in the pub getting quietly pissed when Mick shouts out, "Jaysus, I'm bored wid bein'a feckin' nobody. I'm tinkin I'll take meself down to de Guinness Book of Records office and get meself entered in de book"

"what de hell are ye talkin' about, ye eejit. You've dun nuttin' to getin de book for" says Eugene.

"well, it's me hands, Eugene" replies Mick waving them around, " I tink dey are de smallest in de world and I'm going to get meself entered into de book and I'll be world famous."

Both Eugene and Pat agree that they are quite small and they all carry on drinking quite heartily.

A little while later Pat pipes up " Ya know Mick, if ye can get into de Guiness book of records for yer small hands, so can I." The other two smirk at each other and Mick says "how can ye have de smallest hands in the world if I've got dem, ya bloody fool ?" Pat replies "it's not me hands, Mick it's me feet", and he takes off his boots to show them. " I tink dat dey are de smallest feet in de world and I'm gonna get meself entered into de Guiness Book of records too." The other two agree that they are quite small and with that they all go back to their drinking.

Some time later Eugene chimes in, "well, if youse two can get into de Guiness Book of records, I can too." The others fall about laughing. "what de feck have you got dats so feckin' interesting?" cries Mick. "it's me dick, Mick " he says and pulls down his breeches to show them. They both howl with laughter as Eugene pulls out his little willy. "Jaysus, ye've got the best chance of us all, Eugene", says Pat "dat's de smallest feckin' dick I ever saw" and with that they all go back to their drinking.

Later on full of the gills , they are heading home when out of the corner of his eye Mick spots the Gunness Book of records office further down the street. "Jaysus", he says "I'm gonna go into dat office and I'm gonna get me hands measured" and off he staggers.

Ten minutes later he comes out with a big smile on his face waving his hands in the air. "I did it, I did it" he says "I'm in de Guinness Book of records for de smallest hands in de world , nobodies got smaller hands dan me" and with that he pushes Pat forward. "Go on ye eejit. See if ye have de smallest feet in de world. Go on" "Feck it. I will " says Pat and off he staggers.

Ten minutes later he comes out with a big smile on his face, kicking his feet in the air. "Jaysus, I'm famous." he says. "I've got de smallest feet in de world, I'm famous, I'm famous " he yells. With that Eugene staggers to the office door. "I'm gonna get me dick measured" he says, "I won't be long"

The other two are waiting anxiously for Eugene to return, but time slips by. Ten minutes turns into twenty and twenty into thirty. Still no sign of Eugene. One hour later the office door swings open and Eugene slouches looking disconsulate. "whats wrong ?" asks Pat, to which Eugene replies
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"who the feckin hell is Tom, Erik, and Josh!!!!!!???


only joking guys!