Good one Majed!:thumb:
I've heard something similar but it's not a lady who makes the wish.
I've heard something similar but it's not a lady who makes the wish.
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Classy bit over here (the official Inter.. i mean joke thread) (8 Viewers)
- Thread starter Martin
- Start date
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Now I don't want to offend anyone as its quite rude, but I did find this funny!
Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know.
_
One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes at a sex party in a hotel, and Lulu was among them. The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along the driveway when suddenly, Lulu's grandma came by and saw her granddaughter._ Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear?"___
_____
Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Lulu told her grandmother that the policemen were passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some. "Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself," Grandma said, and she proceeded to the back of the line.
A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all of the prostitu! tes. When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed, "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?"
_
Grandma replied, "Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry."
_
The policeman fainted._
Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know.
_
One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes at a sex party in a hotel, and Lulu was among them. The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along the driveway when suddenly, Lulu's grandma came by and saw her granddaughter._ Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear?"___
_____
Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Lulu told her grandmother that the policemen were passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some. "Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself," Grandma said, and she proceeded to the back of the line.
A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all of the prostitu! tes. When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed, "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?"
_
Grandma replied, "Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry."
_
The policeman fainted._
:LOL:
has this already been posted???
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems, as submitted by QANTAS pilots, and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
P = The problem logged by the pilot.
S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems, as submitted by QANTAS pilots, and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
P = The problem logged by the pilot.
S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
A man walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on
a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented
octopus. "He can play any musical instrument in the world."
Everyone in the bar laughs at the man, calling him an idiot. So he
says that he will wager $50 to anyone who has an instrument that the
octopus can't play.
A bloke walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus.
Immediately the octopus picks up the guitar and starts playing better
than Jimmy Hendrix. The guitar man pays up his $50.
Another bloke walks up with a trumpet. This time the octopus plays the
trumpet better than Louis Armstrong. The man pays up his $50.
Then a Scotsman walks up with some bagpipes. He sits them down and the
octopus fumbles with it for a minute and then sits down with a confused
look.
"Ha Ha!" the Scot says. "Ye nae can plae it, can ye ?"
The octopus looks up at him and says ........"Play it?.... I'm going
to f*ck it as soon as I figure out how to get its pyjamas off.."
a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented
octopus. "He can play any musical instrument in the world."
Everyone in the bar laughs at the man, calling him an idiot. So he
says that he will wager $50 to anyone who has an instrument that the
octopus can't play.
A bloke walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus.
Immediately the octopus picks up the guitar and starts playing better
than Jimmy Hendrix. The guitar man pays up his $50.
Another bloke walks up with a trumpet. This time the octopus plays the
trumpet better than Louis Armstrong. The man pays up his $50.
Then a Scotsman walks up with some bagpipes. He sits them down and the
octopus fumbles with it for a minute and then sits down with a confused
look.
"Ha Ha!" the Scot says. "Ye nae can plae it, can ye ?"
The octopus looks up at him and says ........"Play it?.... I'm going
to f*ck it as soon as I figure out how to get its pyjamas off.."
