Classy bit over here (the official Inter.. i mean joke thread) (5 Viewers)
- Thread starter Martin
- Start date
Three Americans and three Nigerians are traveling by a US train to a conference. At the station, the three Americans each buy tickets and watch as the three Nigerians buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked an American. "Watch the ride my youth !" answers a Nigerian. They all board the train. The Americans take their respective seats but all three Nigerians cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train is departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Americans saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the Americans decide to copy the Nigerians on the return trip and save some money.
When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Nigerians don`t buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed American. "Watch the ride my youth !! " says a Nigerian. When they board the train the three Americans cram into a restroom and the three Nigerians cram into another one nearby.
The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the Nigerians leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the Americans are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please".
Shortly after the train is departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Americans saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the Americans decide to copy the Nigerians on the return trip and save some money.
When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Nigerians don`t buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed American. "Watch the ride my youth !! " says a Nigerian. When they board the train the three Americans cram into a restroom and the three Nigerians cram into another one nearby.
The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the Nigerians leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the Americans are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please".
Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain (Boniface) welcoming you on board of Nigeria Airways. We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and some overtime I had to put in at the bakery. This is flight 126 to Lagos. Landing in Lagos is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the south. If luck is in our favor, we may even be landing on your village!
Nigeria Airways has an excellent safety-record. In fact our safety standards are so high that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us!
It is with great pleasure; I announce that since starting this year over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination. If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off!
To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary Bongo tea and Okin biscuits! For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today’s in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Al Barka, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
There is no smoking allowed in this plane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seatbelt. For those of you who can’t find a seatbelt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat …and for those of you who can’t find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase."
Enjoy Nigeria Airways
Nigeria Airways has an excellent safety-record. In fact our safety standards are so high that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us!
It is with great pleasure; I announce that since starting this year over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination. If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off!
To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary Bongo tea and Okin biscuits! For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today’s in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Al Barka, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
There is no smoking allowed in this plane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seatbelt. For those of you who can’t find a seatbelt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat …and for those of you who can’t find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase."
Enjoy Nigeria Airways
A pastor and his driver died in a car crash and went to heaven. Both of them were welcomed. The angel on duty showed the driver a 3-storey duplex of pure gold and said "this is your mansion". He showed the pastor a small wooden shed and said "this is your dwelling place!"
The pastor was confused. "I don't understand", he said. "Why should my driver get a golden duplex while all I get this wooden shed for eternity. I have been a faithful preacher for several years."
The angel replied, "when you preached, people slept. But whenever your driver drove, people cried to God!"
The pastor was confused. "I don't understand", he said. "Why should my driver get a golden duplex while all I get this wooden shed for eternity. I have been a faithful preacher for several years."
The angel replied, "when you preached, people slept. But whenever your driver drove, people cried to God!"
Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out, but had been decidedly
> >over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk walking home they
> >needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.
> >
> >One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her
> >panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of
> >panties and did not want to ruin them, but was lucky enough to salvage a large
> >ribbon from a wreath that was on one of the graves, and she proceeded to wipe
> >with that. After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.
> >
> >The next day one of the women's husbands phoned the other husband and said
> >"These damn girl nights have to stop. My wife came home with no panties"
> >"That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck
> >between the crack of her ass that said "From all of us at the Fire Station.
> >We'll never forget you."
> >over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk walking home they
> >needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.
> >
> >One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her
> >panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of
> >panties and did not want to ruin them, but was lucky enough to salvage a large
> >ribbon from a wreath that was on one of the graves, and she proceeded to wipe
> >with that. After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.
> >
> >The next day one of the women's husbands phoned the other husband and said
> >"These damn girl nights have to stop. My wife came home with no panties"
> >"That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck
> >between the crack of her ass that said "From all of us at the Fire Station.
> >We'll never forget you."
An engineer of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation died and
went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told him, "Since you've been
such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world; your
reward is you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."
The Engineer thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to
hang out with God." St. Peter took him to the Throne Room, and
introduced him to God. The engineer then asked God, "Hey, aren't you
the inventor of woman?" God said, "Ah,yes."
"Well," said the engineer, "professional to professional, you have
some major design flaws in your invention.
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
4. The intake is placed way to close to the exhaust .
And finally, the maintenance costs are outrageous.
"Hmmmm, you may have some good points! there," replied God, "hold on."
God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and
waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and
God read it.
"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to the
engineer, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my
invention than yours."
went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told him, "Since you've been
such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world; your
reward is you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."
The Engineer thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to
hang out with God." St. Peter took him to the Throne Room, and
introduced him to God. The engineer then asked God, "Hey, aren't you
the inventor of woman?" God said, "Ah,yes."
"Well," said the engineer, "professional to professional, you have
some major design flaws in your invention.
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
4. The intake is placed way to close to the exhaust .
And finally, the maintenance costs are outrageous.
"Hmmmm, you may have some good points! there," replied God, "hold on."
God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and
waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and
God read it.
"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to the
engineer, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my
invention than yours."
