Classy bit over here (the official Inter.. i mean joke thread) (22 Viewers)
- Thread starter Martin
- Start date
this happens to me all the time...
1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
2. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.
3. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate.
4. Stop off at another floor on the way back and visit with your friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, you can both walk to McDonald's and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you his paper, typed, double spaced, and bound in one of those irritating see through plastic folders, drop him or her.
5. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
6. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.
7. Check your email; reply to everyone who sent you email.
8. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade... You'd better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.
9. Go look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror. Floss, if required.
10. Listen to your favorite CD and that's it, I mean it, as soon as it's over you are going to start that paper.
11. Listen to those *mp3 files you downloaded off the 'net (you won't say where 'cause you don't want what happened to napster to happen to these new guys)
12. Check your email but once again.
13. Rearrange all of your CDs into alphabetical order.
14. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if he's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your prof., the course, the university, the world at large.
15. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
16. Read over the assignment again; roll the words across your tongue; savor its special flavor.
17. Check your email to make sure no?one sent you any urgent messages since the last time you checked.
18. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV.
19. Catch the last hour of Rush Hour (With Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker) on channel 584 (The New TNN, Satellite TV if you must know).
20. Phone your friend on the third floor to see if he was watching. Discuss the finer points of the plot and get mad about how there isn't enough stunts and Kung Fu (pronounced GKung Fu, not kang fu!).
21. Go look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror.
22. Look through your roommate's book of pictures from home. Ask who everyone is. Make sure you ask who that hot girl or guy is... When you find out that who ever it is their sister or brother; shutup quick.
23. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future (Invent a time machine to come and do this paper for yourself so you won't have to write it now...etc.). Rant and rave to your roommate on how you can't get a date...
24. For no reason at all; open your door and look around. When your roommate ask what the heck you were doing tell him or her that you were checking to see if there are any mysterious, trench?coated strangers lurking in the hall. When he or she looks at you like you are a moron; look down and sneak to over to your desk.
25. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place (however, by now it is getting dark...) with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
26. Read over the assignment one more time, just for the hell of it. Grit you teeth at the same pace that your stomach is tightening.
27. Go and check your email.
28. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunset... or is it the sunset? (You are so tired you can't remember if the sunsets in the east...)
29. Lie face down on the floor and moan; until your roommate sits up in bed and screams at you to shutup.
30. Leap up, pretend you just woke up and say "Oh NO!!! I fell asleep!".
31. Run over your PC (or Mac if you prefer...) Then write the paper.
32. SWEAR, OVER AND OVER TO YOURSELF THAT YOU WILL NEVER DO THIS AGAIN!!! But when the time comes to write an other assignment, you do it all over again.
1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
2. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.
3. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate.
4. Stop off at another floor on the way back and visit with your friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, you can both walk to McDonald's and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you his paper, typed, double spaced, and bound in one of those irritating see through plastic folders, drop him or her.
5. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
6. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.
7. Check your email; reply to everyone who sent you email.
8. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade... You'd better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.
9. Go look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror. Floss, if required.
10. Listen to your favorite CD and that's it, I mean it, as soon as it's over you are going to start that paper.
11. Listen to those *mp3 files you downloaded off the 'net (you won't say where 'cause you don't want what happened to napster to happen to these new guys)
12. Check your email but once again.
13. Rearrange all of your CDs into alphabetical order.
14. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if he's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your prof., the course, the university, the world at large.
15. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
16. Read over the assignment again; roll the words across your tongue; savor its special flavor.
17. Check your email to make sure no?one sent you any urgent messages since the last time you checked.
18. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV.
19. Catch the last hour of Rush Hour (With Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker) on channel 584 (The New TNN, Satellite TV if you must know).
20. Phone your friend on the third floor to see if he was watching. Discuss the finer points of the plot and get mad about how there isn't enough stunts and Kung Fu (pronounced GKung Fu, not kang fu!).
21. Go look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror.
22. Look through your roommate's book of pictures from home. Ask who everyone is. Make sure you ask who that hot girl or guy is... When you find out that who ever it is their sister or brother; shutup quick.
23. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future (Invent a time machine to come and do this paper for yourself so you won't have to write it now...etc.). Rant and rave to your roommate on how you can't get a date...
24. For no reason at all; open your door and look around. When your roommate ask what the heck you were doing tell him or her that you were checking to see if there are any mysterious, trench?coated strangers lurking in the hall. When he or she looks at you like you are a moron; look down and sneak to over to your desk.
25. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place (however, by now it is getting dark...) with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
26. Read over the assignment one more time, just for the hell of it. Grit you teeth at the same pace that your stomach is tightening.
27. Go and check your email.
28. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunset... or is it the sunset? (You are so tired you can't remember if the sunsets in the east...)
29. Lie face down on the floor and moan; until your roommate sits up in bed and screams at you to shutup.
30. Leap up, pretend you just woke up and say "Oh NO!!! I fell asleep!".
31. Run over your PC (or Mac if you prefer...) Then write the paper.
32. SWEAR, OVER AND OVER TO YOURSELF THAT YOU WILL NEVER DO THIS AGAIN!!! But when the time comes to write an other assignment, you do it all over again.
Here's one. The original is really political but I decided to change it a bit.
A Juventus fan died and went to heaven. Upon entering heaven he noticed a myriad of large clocks.
He was met by God and the Juve fan ask him what were the clocks for.
God: "Each clock represents every person on Earth. Every time someone lies the hand on a clock moves one second."
The Juve fan noticed George Washington's clock only moved two seconds.
He then decided to look at Nedved's clock. It only moved 3 seconds.
Out of curiousity he asked, "Hey, God, I don't see Moggi's clock around here."
God's repy: "Oh, well it's kind of hot up in heaven, some of the angels are using it as a ceiling fan in the room over there"
A Juventus fan died and went to heaven. Upon entering heaven he noticed a myriad of large clocks.
He was met by God and the Juve fan ask him what were the clocks for.
God: "Each clock represents every person on Earth. Every time someone lies the hand on a clock moves one second."
The Juve fan noticed George Washington's clock only moved two seconds.
He then decided to look at Nedved's clock. It only moved 3 seconds.
Out of curiousity he asked, "Hey, God, I don't see Moggi's clock around here."
God's repy: "Oh, well it's kind of hot up in heaven, some of the angels are using it as a ceiling fan in the room over there"
http://jibjab.hoverstudios.com/mirror.htm
Not sure if this has been posted or not.
I love the Howard Dean and Bill Clinton part
Not sure if this has been posted or not.
I love the Howard Dean and Bill Clinton part