Classy bit over here (the official Inter.. i mean joke thread) (9 Viewers)

gray

Senior Member
Moderator
Apr 22, 2003
30,260
++ [ originally posted by David Del Piero ] ++
Is there really an airplane showed on screen in the movie? I havent noticed...
I'm about 99.9% sure that that was Photoshopped in.


Sitting together on a train, travelling through the Swiss Alps, were a New Zealand guy, an Australian bloke, a little old Greek lady, and a young blonde Swiss girl. The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the New Zealander has a bright red hand print on his cheek. No one speaks.

The old lady thinks: That New Zealander must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she slapped his cheek.

The blonde thinks: That New Zealander guy must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped his cheek.

The New Zealander thinks: That Australian bloke must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.

The Australian thinks: Gosh I can't wait for another tunnel, just so I can smack that New Zealander again.
 

Turdhead

Chickenegro no funny
Jan 14, 2005
3,106
A Englishman, a Dutchman and an Frenchman are all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when, all of a sudden, Saudi police rush in and arrest them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death! However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they are able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment.

By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping." The Dutchman was first in line, he thought
for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back. This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done he had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.

The Frenchman was next up. After watching the Dutchman in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and the Frenchman was
soon led away whimpering loudly (as they do).

The Englishman was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"

"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness", The Englishman replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."

"Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave". The Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish, what is it
to be?" the Sheikh asked.

"Tie the Frenchman to my back."




No offence intended :)
 

Turdhead

Chickenegro no funny
Jan 14, 2005
3,106
When Charles deGaulle decided to retire from public life, the American ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honor. At the dinner table the Ambassador's wife was talking with Madame deGaulle.

"Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and International scene for so many years!
How quiet retirement will seem in comparison. What are you most looking forward to in these retirement years?"

"A penis," replied Madame deGaulle.

A huge hush fell over the table. Everyone heard her answer...and no one knew what to say next.

Finally, Le Grand Charles leaned over to his wife and said, "Ma cherie, I believe zee Americans pronounce zat word, 'appiness."


I promise no more french jokes :D
 

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