Classy bit over here (the official Inter.. i mean joke thread) (6 Viewers)
- Thread starter Martin
- Start date
Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: It's no big deal unless you're not getting any
Q: Did you hear about the new "Divorce Barbie"?
A: It comes with all of Ken's stuff
Q: What's the difference between a priest and zits?
A: Zits don't come on your face until you're 13
Q: How come there aren't any Mexicans on Star Trek?
A: They don't work in the future either
Q: Why do jews have big noses?
A: Air is free.
Q: Why are Mexicans like sperm?
A: Only one in a hundred work.
Q: Why is Arab air force easy to train?
A: Because you only have to teach them to take off
Q: What's the difference between an American girl and an arab girl?
A: American girls get stoned before they commit adultery
A: It's no big deal unless you're not getting any
Q: Did you hear about the new "Divorce Barbie"?
A: It comes with all of Ken's stuff
Q: What's the difference between a priest and zits?
A: Zits don't come on your face until you're 13
Q: How come there aren't any Mexicans on Star Trek?
A: They don't work in the future either
Q: Why do jews have big noses?
A: Air is free.
Q: Why are Mexicans like sperm?
A: Only one in a hundred work.
Q: Why is Arab air force easy to train?
A: Because you only have to teach them to take off
Q: What's the difference between an American girl and an arab girl?
A: American girls get stoned before they commit adultery
Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: It's no big deal unless you're not getting any
Q: Did you hear about the new "Divorce Barbie"?
A: It comes with all of Ken's stuff
Q: What's the difference between a priest and zits?
A: Zits don't come on your face until you're 13
Q: How come there aren't any Mexicans on Star Trek?
A: They don't work in the future either
Q: Why do jews have big noses?
A: Air is free.
Q: Why are Mexicans like sperm?
A: Only one in a hundred work.
Q: Why is Arab air force easy to train?
A: Because you only have to teach them to take off
Q: What's the difference between an American girl and an arab girl?
A: American girls get stoned before they commit adultery
A: It's no big deal unless you're not getting any
Q: Did you hear about the new "Divorce Barbie"?
A: It comes with all of Ken's stuff
Q: What's the difference between a priest and zits?
A: Zits don't come on your face until you're 13
Q: How come there aren't any Mexicans on Star Trek?
A: They don't work in the future either
Q: Why do jews have big noses?
A: Air is free.
Q: Why are Mexicans like sperm?
A: Only one in a hundred work.
Q: Why is Arab air force easy to train?
A: Because you only have to teach them to take off
Q: What's the difference between an American girl and an arab girl?
A: American girls get stoned before they commit adultery
Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: It's no big deal unless you're not getting any
Q: Did you hear about the new "Divorce Barbie"?
A: It comes with all of Ken's stuff
Q: What's the difference between a priest and zits?
A: Zits don't come on your face until you're 13
Q: How come there aren't any Mexicans on Star Trek?
A: They don't work in the future either
Q: Why do jews have big noses?
A: Air is free.
Q: Why are Mexicans like sperm?
A: Only one in a hundred work.
Q: Why is Arab air force easy to train?
A: Because you only have to teach them to take off
Q: What's the difference between an American girl and an arab girl?
A: American girls get stoned before they commit adultery
A: It's no big deal unless you're not getting any
Q: Did you hear about the new "Divorce Barbie"?
A: It comes with all of Ken's stuff
Q: What's the difference between a priest and zits?
A: Zits don't come on your face until you're 13
Q: How come there aren't any Mexicans on Star Trek?
A: They don't work in the future either
Q: Why do jews have big noses?
A: Air is free.
Q: Why are Mexicans like sperm?
A: Only one in a hundred work.
Q: Why is Arab air force easy to train?
A: Because you only have to teach them to take off
Q: What's the difference between an American girl and an arab girl?
A: American girls get stoned before they commit adultery
The General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily. "Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."
The General was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the G.I. go. Moments later, eight more G.I.s came up to the general panting, he asked them why they were late. "Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."
The General eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first guy go, he let them go, too. A ninth G.I. jogged up to the General, panting heavily. "Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but..."
"Let me guess," the General interrupted, "it broke down."
"No," said the G.I., "there were so many dead horses in the road, it took forever to get around them."
The General was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the G.I. go. Moments later, eight more G.I.s came up to the general panting, he asked them why they were late. "Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."
The General eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first guy go, he let them go, too. A ninth G.I. jogged up to the General, panting heavily. "Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but..."
"Let me guess," the General interrupted, "it broke down."
"No," said the G.I., "there were so many dead horses in the road, it took forever to get around them."
There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"
Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen." This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age.
About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, "You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen."
The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no-one had told the new priest about the code word. Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about. Your wife fell three times this week!"
Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen." This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age.
About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, "You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen."
The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no-one had told the new priest about the code word. Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about. Your wife fell three times this week!"
An Italian grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
'You comma to de front door of the apartmenta. I am inna apartmenta 301. There issa bigga panel at the front door. With you elbow, pusha button 301. I will buzza you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with you elbow, pusha 3. When you get out, I'ma on the left. With you elbow, hit my doorbell.'
'Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?
'What...You coming empty handed?'
'You comma to de front door of the apartmenta. I am inna apartmenta 301. There issa bigga panel at the front door. With you elbow, pusha button 301. I will buzza you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with you elbow, pusha 3. When you get out, I'ma on the left. With you elbow, hit my doorbell.'
'Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?
'What...You coming empty handed?'
Although a bright and able man, my husband is almost completely helpless when faced with even the simplest domestic chore.
One day, in exasperation, I pointed out to him that our friend, Betty, had taught her husband Frank to cook, sew and do laundry. If anything ever happened to Betty, Frank would be able to care for himself.
Then I said, "What would you do if anything happened to me?"
After considering that possibility for a moment, my husband said happily, "I'd move in with Frank."
One day, in exasperation, I pointed out to him that our friend, Betty, had taught her husband Frank to cook, sew and do laundry. If anything ever happened to Betty, Frank would be able to care for himself.
Then I said, "What would you do if anything happened to me?"
After considering that possibility for a moment, my husband said happily, "I'd move in with Frank."
The warm welcome
http://www.juventuz.com/forum/showthread.php?t=28214
50 pages later
http://www.juventuz.com/forum/showthread.php?t=28214&page=51
http://www.juventuz.com/forum/showthread.php?t=28214
50 pages later
http://www.juventuz.com/forum/showthread.php?t=28214&page=51