Classy bit over here (the official Inter.. i mean joke thread) (50 Viewers)
- Thread starter Martin
- Start date
Good shit.
:bigscarf:
"Everybody Hates Inter"!!!
View Here: http://www.juventuz.com/forum/showpost.php?p=1522866&postcount=3598
For the Swedes or those who know the language. I'm sorry for the rest, I will try to translate it later.
LÄTTLAGAD OCH TREVLIG FRUKTKAKA TILL JUL
1 dl socker
4 ägg
2 dl torkad frukt
1 tsk salt
1 dl farinsocker
4 msk citronsaft
nötter
2 liter whisky
Ta fram en mellanstor skål.
Kolla whiskyn genom att smaka. Häll whisky i ett decilitermått och
drick.
Upprepa.
Sätt på elvispen.
Smaka återigen på whiskyn, om den fortfarande håller kvalitén.
Blanda 1 dl smör i en stor skål, lägg till 1 msk sockeroch vispa igen..
Kolla om whiskyn fortfarande är god, drick ännu en kopp. Schtäng av
elvischpen.
Knäck två hönor och schläng i schkålen, med all torkad fjukt...
Schätt på elvischpen igen... Om den fjuktade torken fastnar i schkålen,
vrid loss den med en muvschkrejsel.
Schmaka sen om whiskyn fortfarande är god.
Schen schka du schila 2 dl schlat, eller nåt schånt. De é inte schå
noga.
Kolla whischkyn.
Schila citronsaften, lägg till en mat...sched...och schå socker, eller
nåt, va fan. Schmörj ugnen.
Vrid kakformen på 220 grader, glöm inte att schtänga av elvischpen.
Schläng ut schkålen genom fönschtret och schå kolla schen whischyn.
Gå å lägg dej... Vem fan vill ha fjuktkaka...?
GOD JUL OCH GOTT NYTT ÅR!
LÄTTLAGAD OCH TREVLIG FRUKTKAKA TILL JUL
1 dl socker
4 ägg
2 dl torkad frukt
1 tsk salt
1 dl farinsocker
4 msk citronsaft
nötter
2 liter whisky
Ta fram en mellanstor skål.
Kolla whiskyn genom att smaka. Häll whisky i ett decilitermått och
drick.
Upprepa.
Sätt på elvispen.
Smaka återigen på whiskyn, om den fortfarande håller kvalitén.
Blanda 1 dl smör i en stor skål, lägg till 1 msk sockeroch vispa igen..
Kolla om whiskyn fortfarande är god, drick ännu en kopp. Schtäng av
elvischpen.
Knäck två hönor och schläng i schkålen, med all torkad fjukt...
Schätt på elvischpen igen... Om den fjuktade torken fastnar i schkålen,
vrid loss den med en muvschkrejsel.
Schmaka sen om whiskyn fortfarande är god.
Schen schka du schila 2 dl schlat, eller nåt schånt. De é inte schå
noga.
Kolla whischkyn.
Schila citronsaften, lägg till en mat...sched...och schå socker, eller
nåt, va fan. Schmörj ugnen.
Vrid kakformen på 220 grader, glöm inte att schtänga av elvischpen.
Schläng ut schkålen genom fönschtret och schå kolla schen whischyn.
Gå å lägg dej... Vem fan vill ha fjuktkaka...?
GOD JUL OCH GOTT NYTT ÅR!
A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband's key in the door. "Stay where you are," she said. "He's so drunk he won't even notice you're in bed with me."
Sure enough, the husband lurched into bed none the wiser, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed.
He turned to his wife: "Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What's going on?"
"Nonsense," said the wife, "You're so drunk you miscounted. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there."
The husband climbed out of bed and counted. "One, two, three, four. Damn, you're right!"
Sure enough, the husband lurched into bed none the wiser, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed.
He turned to his wife: "Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What's going on?"
"Nonsense," said the wife, "You're so drunk you miscounted. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there."
The husband climbed out of bed and counted. "One, two, three, four. Damn, you're right!"
CORPORATE STUDY
===============
After a 2 year study, the National Science Foundation has determined the follow-
ing results on corporate America's recreational activities.
The sport of choice for unemployed or jailed people is BASKETBALL.
The sport of choice for maintenance employees is BOWLING.
The sport of choice for line workers is FOOTBALL.
The sport of choice for Supervisors is BASEBALL.
The sport of choice for Middle Management is TENNIS.
And finally, the sport of choice for Upper Management is GOLF.
CONCLUSION: That the higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Top 18 of shortest books in the world:
======================================
1. Fidel Castro: Human rights
2. Arnold Schwarzenegger: My total vocabulary
3. Safe driving in Italy
4. Everything that men should know about women
5. Fast and efficient Windows applications
6. Popular lawyers
7. The last 1000 years of German humor
8. The best food in Great Britain
9. American culture
10. Logical ways of thinking for women
11. Handbook of the Arabic democracy
12. Successes of American foreign policy
13. List of countries who like French people
14. Fulfilled election promises
15. Sylvester Stallone: Tips for dramatic actors
16. De Gaulle: Thesis on French hospitality
17. Pope John Paul II: Advises on contraception
18. Bill Gates: User-friendly software
===============
After a 2 year study, the National Science Foundation has determined the follow-
ing results on corporate America's recreational activities.
The sport of choice for unemployed or jailed people is BASKETBALL.
The sport of choice for maintenance employees is BOWLING.
The sport of choice for line workers is FOOTBALL.
The sport of choice for Supervisors is BASEBALL.
The sport of choice for Middle Management is TENNIS.
And finally, the sport of choice for Upper Management is GOLF.
CONCLUSION: That the higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Top 18 of shortest books in the world:
======================================
1. Fidel Castro: Human rights
2. Arnold Schwarzenegger: My total vocabulary
3. Safe driving in Italy
4. Everything that men should know about women
5. Fast and efficient Windows applications
6. Popular lawyers
7. The last 1000 years of German humor
8. The best food in Great Britain
9. American culture
10. Logical ways of thinking for women
11. Handbook of the Arabic democracy
12. Successes of American foreign policy
13. List of countries who like French people
14. Fulfilled election promises
15. Sylvester Stallone: Tips for dramatic actors
16. De Gaulle: Thesis on French hospitality
17. Pope John Paul II: Advises on contraception
18. Bill Gates: User-friendly software
A guy was spending the night with a married couple in their apartment. Since
they didn't have a couch, they let him share their bed with them.
Once they all went to bed and the husband fell asleep, the wife whispered in the
guy's ear, "Pull a hair from my husband's ass; if he is asleep we can have sex."
The guy pulled a hair from the husband's ass, and he didn't wake up, so the guy
proceeded to make it with the wife. Not satisfied, the wife told him to do it a
second, then a third time, which he happily did.
Finally, the husband rolled over and said wearily, "It's bad enough that you're
fucking my wife in the same bed as me, but do you have to use my ass as a scoreboard?"
they didn't have a couch, they let him share their bed with them.
Once they all went to bed and the husband fell asleep, the wife whispered in the
guy's ear, "Pull a hair from my husband's ass; if he is asleep we can have sex."
The guy pulled a hair from the husband's ass, and he didn't wake up, so the guy
proceeded to make it with the wife. Not satisfied, the wife told him to do it a
second, then a third time, which he happily did.
Finally, the husband rolled over and said wearily, "It's bad enough that you're
fucking my wife in the same bed as me, but do you have to use my ass as a scoreboard?"
The wives of four presidents and prime minister are talking to-
gether about what a penis is called in their language. The wife of
Tony Blair says in England, people call it a gentleman because it
stands up when women are entering.
The wife of Boris Yeltsin says in Russia, you call it a patriot
because you never know if it will hit you on the front or on the
backside.
The wife of Chirac says in France, you call it a curtain because
it goes down after the act.
While the wife of Clinton says in the USA, you call it a rumour
because it travels from mouth to mouth
gether about what a penis is called in their language. The wife of
Tony Blair says in England, people call it a gentleman because it
stands up when women are entering.
The wife of Boris Yeltsin says in Russia, you call it a patriot
because you never know if it will hit you on the front or on the
backside.
The wife of Chirac says in France, you call it a curtain because
it goes down after the act.
While the wife of Clinton says in the USA, you call it a rumour
because it travels from mouth to mouth
A young man went to the doctor and said, "My penis has turned orange." The doctor examines him, and as described, his penis is orange. What follows is a full compliment of tests, blood tests, urine tests, imaging, the full court press. The doctor then meets with his patient and says, "All of the tests are negative, everything looks completely normal, but your penis is definitely still orange. I can't figure out what is causing this. Have there been recent any changes in your life?" The man says, "Well, I lost my job a few months ago." The doctor asks, "What do you do all day?" And the man says, "Not much, I just sit on my couch all day, watch porn and eat Cheetos."
A female reporter, interviewing an American Indian chief, asked the significance of the varied number of feathers in Indian headdresses.
"Feathers show number of sexual partners," the chief replied. Indicating a nearby young brave, he continued, "Him? One woman, one feather. Him?" pointing to a second, older man, "Three women, three feathers."
The reporter looked at the Chief's headdress. "But you have so many feathers!"
The Chief proudly slapped his chest. "Me Chief. Sleep with all women. Big, small, fat, tall."
Horrified, the female reporter said, "You ought to be hung!"
The Chief said, "Damn right. Me hung big like buffalo, long like snake."
The offended reporter said, "You don't have to be hostile!"
The Chief replied, "Hoss-style, dog-style, wolf-style, any style!"
The reporter cried, "Oh, dear!"
"No deer", said the Chief. "Ass too high, run too fast!"
"Feathers show number of sexual partners," the chief replied. Indicating a nearby young brave, he continued, "Him? One woman, one feather. Him?" pointing to a second, older man, "Three women, three feathers."
The reporter looked at the Chief's headdress. "But you have so many feathers!"
The Chief proudly slapped his chest. "Me Chief. Sleep with all women. Big, small, fat, tall."
Horrified, the female reporter said, "You ought to be hung!"
The Chief said, "Damn right. Me hung big like buffalo, long like snake."
The offended reporter said, "You don't have to be hostile!"
The Chief replied, "Hoss-style, dog-style, wolf-style, any style!"
The reporter cried, "Oh, dear!"
"No deer", said the Chief. "Ass too high, run too fast!"
Deer hunting
============
A Professor was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscular Contrac-
tions' to his first year medical students.
Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Profes-
sor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young
woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what your ass hole
is doing while you're having an orgasm?"
She replied, "Probably deer hunting with his buddies."
============
A Professor was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscular Contrac-
tions' to his first year medical students.
Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Profes-
sor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young
woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what your ass hole
is doing while you're having an orgasm?"
She replied, "Probably deer hunting with his buddies."