Classy bit over here (the official Inter.. i mean joke thread) (2 Viewers)

Ahmedios

Senior Member
Nov 11, 2006
5,107
Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy.

The first man married a nurse.

Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy. Nurses are known to be hot to trot".
The second man married a telephone operator.

Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself,” Wow, he's a lucky one. Telephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top button...A-bomb.”

The third man married a school teacher.

Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor guy, she's pretty but teachers are just too frigid".

The next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected only the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two would call much later in the day.

At 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast. The nurse's husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man's pajamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed.

Dave asked, "What happened sir? You married a nurse.

The man sourly replies, "Son, don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night was her nagging voice saying, “You’re not sanitary, and you’re not sanitary."

At 6:30 a.m., the phone rang again.

The telephone operator's husband called for breakfast. Dave brought it as fast as possible hoping for the best. The man opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man's hair and pajamas were properly combed and pressed.

Dave asked," What happened? Telephone operators are supposed to be as sexy as their voices."

The man sourly replies "Son, don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I
heard last night was her nasal voice saying, "You're three minutes are up, your three minutes are up."

Dave went back down to the desk, just knowing the teacher’s husband would be calling any minute.

Finally at 4:30 p.m., the teacher's husband called for breakfast.

Dave can't believe it but quickly took the breakfast to the couple’s room. The man opened the door and Dave took a step back in shock. The man was wearing only his boxers, his hair was a mess, and he had scratch marks on his chest, arms and legs.

Joe fearing the worst asked “What happened to you? Did you have a
fight?"

The man smiled and happily replied, "No. Son, when you marry, be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy smooth voice saying "We are going to do this over and over, until we get right."
 

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Ahmedios

Senior Member
Nov 11, 2006
5,107
The Annual Check-Up

After his annual checkup, Bob is shocked to learn that he has somehow
contracted a rare disease and has only twelve hours to live. Arriving home in utter despair, he tells his wife the terrible news and begins to cry. Overcome with grief, Helen hugs him tight and says, "Honey, I'm going to give you a night you'll never forget!"

They go to bed early and make passionate love with an ardor they haven't felt in years. When they're done, Bob turns to his wife and says, "Honey, that was *wonderful,* the best we've ever had. Can we do it again?" This time it's even more passionate. Later, as Helen is about to doze off, Bob gives her a nudge and says, "Honey, come on. How about one more time?"

"That's easy for you to say. You don't have to get up in the morning!"
 

Chxta

Onye kwe, Chi ya ekwe
Nov 1, 2004
12,088
BEHIND EVERY
SUCCESSFUL WOMAN
IS HERSELF



A WOMAN IS LIKE A TEA BAG...
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW STRONG
SHE IS UNTIL YOU PUT HER
IN HOT WATER


I HAVE YET TO HEAR A MAN
ASK FOR ADVICE ON HOW
TO COMBINE MARRIAGE
AND A CAREER



COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN.
SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH


I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN
And I HAVE A GUN



WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE
AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT



OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY...
I DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME



DO NOT START WITH ME.
YOU WILL NOT WIN


A LL STRESSED OUT
AND NO ONE TO CHOKE




And last but not least:




IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED,
SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN
 

Chxta

Onye kwe, Chi ya ekwe
Nov 1, 2004
12,088
1. Men are like ........Laxatives ...... They irritate the shit out of you.
2. Men are like ........ Bananas ...... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like ........ Weather ..... Nothing can be done to change them..
4. Men are like ........ Blenders ..... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like ....... Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like ....... Commercials ...... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like ........ Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
9. Men are like ....... Popcorn . ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
10.Men are like ....... Mascara ...... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
 

ReBeL

The Jackal
Jan 14, 2005
22,871
A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car.

The mechanic shouted across the garage,"Hello Doctor!! Please come over here for a minute."

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work? "

The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic.... .

He said: "Try to do it when the engine is running ".
 

chester

Too busy to bother
May 20, 2006
15,055
Wise guy
========
Sam was out shopping in the mall when he meets his friend Abe out-
side the jewelers. Sam notices that Abe has a small gift-wrapped
box in his hand.
"So what have you just purchased Abe?" Sam asks.
"Well now that you've asked", replies Abe, "it's my Rifka's birth-
day tomorrow and when I asked her this morning what she wanted for
her birthday she said, 'Oh, I don't know, dear, just give me some-
thing with a lot of diamonds in it.'"
"So what did you get her?" Sam asks.
Abe replies, smiling, "I bought her a deck of cards."
 

ReBeL

The Jackal
Jan 14, 2005
22,871
Interesting equations


Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy

Pigs = eat + sleep

Hence, Human = Pigs + work + enjoy

If, Human - enjoy = Pigs + work

In other words,

Human that don't know enjoy = pigs that work

-----------------------------------------------------------------


Men = eat + sleep + earn money

Pigs = eat + sleep

Hence, Men = Pigs + earn money

If Men - earn money = Pigs

In other words,

Men that don't earn money = Pigs
 

incomplex

Junior Member
Mar 2, 2004
408
Interesting equations


Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy

Pigs = eat + sleep

Hence, Human = Pigs + work + enjoy

If, Human - enjoy = Pigs + work

In other words,

Human that don't know enjoy = pigs that work

-----------------------------------------------------------------


Men = eat + sleep + earn money

Pigs = eat + sleep

Hence, Men = Pigs + earn money

If Men - earn money = Pigs

In other words,

Men that don't earn money = Pigs
lol :rofl:
 

chester

Too busy to bother
May 20, 2006
15,055
How smart is your right foot?
=============================
[This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And, you will
keep trying it at least 50 more times to see if you can outsmart
your foot. But you can't...]

1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor
and make clockwise circles with it.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your
right hand. Your foot will change direction!

I told you so... And there is nothing you can do about it...
 

Chxta

Onye kwe, Chi ya ekwe
Nov 1, 2004
12,088
This dumb mofo on cnn just finished Paris hilton
the eediot said Paris hilton is an equal opportunity slut and more guys have been inside her more than they've been inside the hilton hotel in paris
 

Ahmedios

Senior Member
Nov 11, 2006
5,107
How smart is your right foot?
=============================
[This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And, you will
keep trying it at least 50 more times to see if you can outsmart
your foot. But you can't...]

1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor
and make clockwise circles with it.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your
right hand. Your foot will change direction!

I told you so... And there is nothing you can do about it...
You turned my day into a hell, man...:D
 

incomplex

Junior Member
Mar 2, 2004
408
How smart is your right foot?
=============================
[This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And, you will
keep trying it at least 50 more times to see if you can outsmart
your foot. But you can't...]

1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor
and make clockwise circles with it.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your
right hand. Your foot will change direction!

I told you so... And there is nothing you can do about it...
:D i look like an idiot trying this in the office.. lol
 
Apr 15, 2006
56,618
How smart is your right foot?
=============================
[This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And, you will
keep trying it at least 50 more times to see if you can outsmart
your foot. But you can't...]

1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor
and make clockwise circles with it.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your
right hand. Your foot will change direction!

I told you so... And there is nothing you can do about it...
i just did it! big deal! :biggrin:
 

ReBeL

The Jackal
Jan 14, 2005
22,871
Don't Take It Seriously


When the DOCTOR says, Take off your clothes.

*********

When the DENTIST says, Open wide.


*********

When the HAIRDRESSER says, Do you want it teased or blown?

*********

When the MILKMAN says, Do you want it in the front or the back?

*********

When the INTERIOR DECORATOR says, Once it's in, you'll love it.

*********

When the SHARE BROKER says, It will rise right up, fluctuate for a while and then slowly fall back again.

*********

When the BANKER says, If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest .

*********

When the HUNTER says, Goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and always eats what he shoots.

*********

When the TELEPHONE GUY says, Would you like it On the table or against the wall?
 

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