Bisco , you're unstoppable 
int:
Great jokes
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Classy bit over here (the official Inter.. i mean joke thread) (5 Viewers)
- Thread starter Martin
- Start date
no worries bro i am glad u r enjoying the jokes. int:
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A mother walks into her daughters room holding a condom in her hand, "I found this while cleaning your room today.... Are you sexually active?" To which the daughter replies, "No, I just lay there."
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A salesman knocks at the door of a home and it's answered by a 12yr old boy with a cigar in one hand and a half empty bottle of scotch in the other. The salesman asks the boy, "Excuse me son but is your mom or dad in?" To which the boy replies, "Does it fucking look like it?"
sounds like cuti when he was 12.
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A salesman knocks at the door of a home and it's answered by a 12yr old boy with a cigar in one hand and a half empty bottle of scotch in the other. The salesman asks the boy, "Excuse me son but is your mom or dad in?" To which the boy replies, "Does it fucking look like it?"
sounds like cuti when he was 12.
Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, and he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday - she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped." His buddy said, "I have an idea - why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it - she'll probably be thrilled." So the fellow did. The next day his buddy said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?" "Yes, I did," said the fellow. "Did she like it?" His buddy asked. "Oh yes! she jumped up , thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling "I'll be back in an hour!!"
A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Oakland to Kansas City.
The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes? The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant.
So, the little boy asked the flight attendant, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The flight attendant asked, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?" He said that she had.
With a clever grin, she said, "Tell your mother it's because Southwest Airlines always pulls out on time."
The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes? The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant.
So, the little boy asked the flight attendant, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The flight attendant asked, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?" He said that she had.
With a clever grin, she said, "Tell your mother it's because Southwest Airlines always pulls out on time."
There were 3 gay men and their partners all died at around the same time. On their way to the morgue, the guy who worked there asked them where they want to spread their partners ashes. The first gay guy says, "I want to spread his ashes over the ocean because he loved to swim!" The second gay guy says, "I want to spread his ashes on a mountain because he loved to climb." And then the third gay guy says, "I want to spread him all over my chili, and the guy who worked at the morgue asked, "WHY?" and he said," So he can tear my ass up one more time
Three Inter Fans and three Juventus Fans are travelling by train.
At the station, the three Inter Fans each buy tickets and watch as the three Juventus Fans buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked an Inter Fan.
"Watch" answers a scouser.
They all board the train. The Inter Fans take their respective seats but all three Juventus Fans cram into the toilet and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train departs, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.
The conductor takes it and moves on. The Inter Fans saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So, on the return trip, the Inter Fans decide to copy the Juventus Fans on the return trip and save some money.
When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Juventus Fans don't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed Inter Fan.
"Watch" says an Juventus fan.
When they board the train the three Inter Fans cram into a toilet and the three Juventus Fans cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the Juventus Fans leaves his toilet and walks over to the toilet where the Inter Fans are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please".
At the station, the three Inter Fans each buy tickets and watch as the three Juventus Fans buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked an Inter Fan.
"Watch" answers a scouser.
They all board the train. The Inter Fans take their respective seats but all three Juventus Fans cram into the toilet and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train departs, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.
The conductor takes it and moves on. The Inter Fans saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So, on the return trip, the Inter Fans decide to copy the Juventus Fans on the return trip and save some money.
When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Juventus Fans don't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed Inter Fan.
"Watch" says an Juventus fan.
When they board the train the three Inter Fans cram into a toilet and the three Juventus Fans cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the Juventus Fans leaves his toilet and walks over to the toilet where the Inter Fans are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please".
Three Inter Fans and three Juventus Fans are travelling by train.
At the station, the three Inter Fans each buy tickets and watch as the three Juventus Fans buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked an Inter Fan.
"Watch" answers a scouser.
They all board the train. The Inter Fans take their respective seats but all three Juventus Fans cram into the toilet and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train departs, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.
The conductor takes it and moves on. The Inter Fans saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So, on the return trip, the Inter Fans decide to copy the Juventus Fans on the return trip and save some money.
When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Juventus Fans don't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed Inter Fan.
"Watch" says an Juventus fan.
When they board the train the three Inter Fans cram into a toilet and the three Juventus Fans cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the Juventus Fans leaves his toilet and walks over to the toilet where the Inter Fans are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please".
At the station, the three Inter Fans each buy tickets and watch as the three Juventus Fans buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked an Inter Fan.
"Watch" answers a scouser.
They all board the train. The Inter Fans take their respective seats but all three Juventus Fans cram into the toilet and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train departs, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.
The conductor takes it and moves on. The Inter Fans saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So, on the return trip, the Inter Fans decide to copy the Juventus Fans on the return trip and save some money.
When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Juventus Fans don't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed Inter Fan.
"Watch" says an Juventus fan.
When they board the train the three Inter Fans cram into a toilet and the three Juventus Fans cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the Juventus Fans leaves his toilet and walks over to the toilet where the Inter Fans are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please".
An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, 'Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it.'
'Dear,' the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, 'I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you have a really nice, tight-looking ass!!!!!!!'
'Dear,' the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, 'I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you have a really nice, tight-looking ass!!!!!!!'
A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over. He walked up to the car and saw a nice-looking woman behind the wheel. There was a strong smell liquor on her breath.
He said, 'I'm going to give you a breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol.' She blew up the balloon and he walked it back to the police car. After a couple of minutes, he returned to her car and said, 'It looks like you've had a couple of stiff ones.'
She replied, 'You mean it shows that, too?'
He said, 'I'm going to give you a breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol.' She blew up the balloon and he walked it back to the police car. After a couple of minutes, he returned to her car and said, 'It looks like you've had a couple of stiff ones.'
She replied, 'You mean it shows that, too?'
This woman goes into a dentist's office, after he is through examining her he says: "I am sorry to tell you this, but I am going to have to drill a tooth." The woman then says: "Ooooohhhh, the pain is so awful I'd rather have a baby!" To which the dentist replies, "Make up your mind, I have to adjust the chair."
Tarzan had been living alone in his jungle kingdom for 30 years with only apes for company, and suitably shaped holes in trees for sex. Jane, a reporter, came to Africa in search of this legendary figure. Deep in the wilds she came to a clearing and discovered Tarzan vigorously thrusting into a jungle oak. She watched in awe for a while.
Finally, overcome by this display of animal passion Jane came out into the open and offered herself to him. As she reclined on the wild grass Tarzan ran up to her and gave her a big kick in the crotch. In pain she screamed 'What the hell did you do that for?' Tarzan replied, 'Always check for squirrels.'
this is my favourite!!!!!!!
Finally, overcome by this display of animal passion Jane came out into the open and offered herself to him. As she reclined on the wild grass Tarzan ran up to her and gave her a big kick in the crotch. In pain she screamed 'What the hell did you do that for?' Tarzan replied, 'Always check for squirrels.'
this is my favourite!!!!!!!
The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words. She thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of words with more than one syllable. "Jane, Do you know any multi-syllable words?" After some thought Jane proudly replied with Monday. "Great Jane. That has two syllables, Mon......day. Does anyone know another word?" Johnny from the back of the room yells, "I do! I do!" Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead. "OK Mike, what is your word." Saturday says Mike. "Great, that has three syllables..." Not wanting to be outdone Johnny says "I know a four syllable word. Pick me! Pick me!"
Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the teacher reluctantly says, "O.K. Johnny what is your four syllable word?" Johnny proudly says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion." Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says, "Wow, Johnny. Four syllables! That's certainly is a mouthful."
"No Ma'am, your thinking of 'blowjob', and that's only two syllables."
Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the teacher reluctantly says, "O.K. Johnny what is your four syllable word?" Johnny proudly says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion." Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says, "Wow, Johnny. Four syllables! That's certainly is a mouthful."
"No Ma'am, your thinking of 'blowjob', and that's only two syllables."
A 16-year-old girl finally had the opportunity to go to a party by herself. Since she was very good-looking, she was a bit nervous about what to do if boys hit on her. Her mom said, "It's very easy! Whenever a boy starts hitting on you, you ask him, 'What will be the name of our baby?' That'll scare them off." So off she went. After a little while at the party, a boy started dancing with her, and little by little he started kissing her and touching her. She asked him, "What will our baby be called?" The boy found some excuse and disappeared. Some time later, the same thing happened again: a boy started to kiss her neck, her shoulders... She stopped him and asked about the baby's name, and he ran off.
Later on, another boy invited her for a walk. After a few minutes, he started kissing her, and she asked him, "What will our baby be called?" He continued, now slowly taking her clothes off. "What will our baby be called?" she asked once more. He began to have sex with her. "What will our baby be called?!" she asked again. After he was done, he took off his "full" condom, gave it a knot, and said, "If he gets out of this one... David Copperfield!
Later on, another boy invited her for a walk. After a few minutes, he started kissing her, and she asked him, "What will our baby be called?" He continued, now slowly taking her clothes off. "What will our baby be called?" she asked once more. He began to have sex with her. "What will our baby be called?!" she asked again. After he was done, he took off his "full" condom, gave it a knot, and said, "If he gets out of this one... David Copperfield!
Two women walked into a department store, stopped at the perfume counter and picked up a sample bottle. One sprayed the perfume on her wrist and smelled it. "That's nice, isn't it?" Sharon said waving her arm under her friend's nose. "Yeah. What's it called?" "Viens a moi." "Viens a moi? What's that mean?" A clerk offered some help. "Viens a moi, ladies, is French for 'come to me.'" Sharon took another sniff. "That doesn't smell like come to me," she said, offering her arm to her friend again. "Does that smell like come to you?"
Morris wakes up in the morning. He has a massive hangover and can't remember anything he did last night. He picks up his bath robe from the floor and puts it on. He notices there's something in one of the pockets and it turns out to be a bra. He thinks "bloody hell what happened last night??". He walks towards the bathroom and finds a panty in the other pocket of his robe. Again he thinks "what happened last night, what have I done? Must have been a wild party". He opens the bathroom door, walks in and has a look in the mirror. He notices a little string hanging out of his mouth and his only thought is "Please, if there's a God, please let this be a teabag."
A woman found out that her husband was cheating on her while stationed in Saudi a few months ago. So she sends him this care package. He is excited to get a package from his wife back home. He finds that it contains a batch of home made cookies and a VHS tape of his favorite TV shows. He invites a couple of his buddies over and they're all sitting around having a great time eating the cookies and watching some episodes of South Park.
Right in the middle of one episode the tape cuts to a home video of his wife on her knees sucking his best friend's ding dong. After a few seconds, he blows his load in her pie hole and she turns and spits the load right into the mixing bowl of cookie dough. She then looks at the camera and says, "By the way, I want a divorce."
Right in the middle of one episode the tape cuts to a home video of his wife on her knees sucking his best friend's ding dong. After a few seconds, he blows his load in her pie hole and she turns and spits the load right into the mixing bowl of cookie dough. She then looks at the camera and says, "By the way, I want a divorce."
A young woman was having a physical examination and was embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. "I'm so ashamed, Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go." The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. "Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad." "Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked. The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."
These three lads are drinking in a pub when this bloke comes in and starts drinking at the bar. After a while the bloke goes up to the group of lads, points at the one in the middle and says, in a drunken slur, "I've shagged your Mum." The three lads look bewildered and the bloke goes back to drinking at the bar. Ten minutes later he comes back and announces, "Your Mum has sucked my penis." The three lads try and ignore him and he goes back to the bar. After another ten minutes he comes back and shouts, "I've had your Mum up the arse." By now the lads have had enough and the one in the middle stands up and says, "Look, Dad, you're pissed. Now fuck off home."