Classy bit over here (the official Inter.. i mean joke thread) (31 Viewers)

[Azzurri7]

A Russian, an American, and a Syrian were talking one day.

The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"

The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Syrian said, "So what, we're going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.

"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.

To which the Syrian replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We’re going at night!"

 

Buy on AliExpress.com

[AbuGadanzieri]

i found this joke in another website and if you dont like it please dont start a problem like seven did with me last time i added a pict



A couple go on holiday to a fishing resort at Lakes Entrance. The
husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read. One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lakes area, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book.

Along comes a fishing inspector in his boat. He pulls up alongside
the woman and says, "Good morning ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies (thinking "isn't that obvious!").
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her. "I'm sorry
officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading." "Yes, but you have all
the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and make a report."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says
the woman. "But, I haven't even touched you," says the man. "That's
true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could
start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.......


MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also
think and discuss.

 

[V]

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also
think and discuss.

true, true.
+rep

 

[Byrone]

Nice work Abu. +rep my bro.

 

[V]

Nice work Abu. +rep my bro.

god damn +rep hoe.

 

[Byrone]

god damn +rep hoe.

dont make me put the rocket where it dont belong.

 

[V]

dont make me put the rocket where it dont belong.

you'd like that wouldn't you?

 

[chester]

Breasticons
===========
Breasts........in all shapes and sizes!

(o)(o) perfect breasts

( + )( + ) fake silicone breasts

(*)(*) high nipple breasts

(@)(@) big nipple breasts

oo A cups

{ O }{ O } D cups

(oYo) wonder bra breasts

( ^^ )( ^^ ) cold breasts

(o)(O) lopsided breasts

(Q)(O) pierced breasts

(p)(p) hanging tassels breasts

\o/\o/ Grandma's breasts

( - )( - ) flat against the shower door breasts

|o||o| android breasts

($)($) Jenny McCarthy's breasts
--------------------------------------------------------------

Older
=====
GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER
1. Sag, you're It
2. Hide and go pee
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear
4. Kick the bucket
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says, "Bend Over"
6. Musical recliners
7. Simon says something incoherent
8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy

SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE
1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale
2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them
3. You change your underwear after a sneeze

OLD IS WHEN
1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face
2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you
don't have to go along
3. Getting a little action means I don't need fiber today
4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot
5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!

 

[Lilith]

 

[chester]

Marine Corps General Reinwald was interviewed on the radio. It is
a portion of a National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a fe-
male broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was a-
bout to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installa-
tion.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you go-
ing to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing,
archery and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't
it?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised
on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dange-
rous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper
rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent
killers.

GENERAL REINWALD: Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but
you're not one, are you?

-----------------------------------------------------

Thoughts for the weekend
========================
1. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-
fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I would-
n't have signed up in the first place!
2. When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just
"chunky dunk."
3. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could
simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
4. Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you
haven't fallen asleep yet.
5. My husband says I never listen to him. At least I think that's
what he said.
6. Just remember ... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
7. If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have
started with something called labor!
8. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live for-
ever.

 

[ReBeL]

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So He called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time.

When the angel returned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5%are not."

God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion." So He called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time too.

When the second angel returned he went to God and said, "Yes, the Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are being good."

God was not pleased, so He decided to E-mail the 5% that were good because he wanted to encourage them and hoped they would help the others be good; give them a little something to help them keep going.

Do you know what that E-mail said?

No?

I didn't get one either!

 

[ReBeL]

There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for a raise.

After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.

After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss

the preacher's salary. There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church.

Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd, "Children are a gift from God," he said. Silence fell on the congregation.

In the back pew, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers."

And the congregation said, "Amen"

 

[V]

not exactly a joke, but i just saw this on todays episode of married with children. so al came home and said: "a woman came into the shoe store today, so huge she was protected by greenpeace. she asked for a pair of size 4 shoes so i asked does she want to eat them here or home, and she has the nerve to complain about my performance!" what a legend.

 

[ĵџvє_вãвγ]

A Russian, an American, and a Syrian were talking one day.

The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"

The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Syrian said, "So what, we're going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.

"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.

To which the Syrian replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We’re going at night!"

i know thattt))))))))

 

[Juve Bella]

3. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could
simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?

wow that would solve all my problems

 

[Chxta]

A fourteen year old girl was impregnanted and her parents were crossed with her and wanted to know who did such a wicked thing to their daughter but the girl remained silent and afer all said and done she demanded to make a phone call. After a while a red rolls royce car packed in front of their house immediately he said he was sorry but the harm has been done so he continued by saying; If your daugther gives birth to a boy she is going to be the owner of this estate and $500000,if she gives birth to a girl its going to be a mansion and $200000,and if it is a miscarriage immediately the father interupted, YOU WILL DO IT AGAIN.AGAIN MY FRIEND AND INLAW

 

[Chxta]

A guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"She yells, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?!"

 

[Juve Bella]

A guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"She yells, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?!"

lol she deservs that

 

[chester]

Mind reader
===========
One day a young man was visiting the fair. Over to one side was a
small tent, with a sign that said "For 50 dollars I'll teach you
to be a mind reader! - Apply within."
So the young man thought that he'd give it a go, and went inside.
Behind a small table inside was an old man, who looked up when the
young man entered and says, "Ah, you must be here for the mind
reading lessons."
"Er, yes," the young man said.
"Well, follow me, and I'll give you your first lesson." Then the
old man goes out the back of the tent and comes back with a hose.
"Here, hold this hose," he said.
"Why?" said the young man.
"It's part of the lesson," replies the old man, "Now, look in the
end and tell me what you see."
So the young man looks into the end of the hose, and only sees
darkness.
"I don't see anything," he tells the old man.
Just then the old man turns on a tap, and the hose shoots water
into the young man's face.
"I just knew you'd do something like that." the young man shouts
at the old man.
"There.. you are now a mind reader!" the old man replies, "That'll
be 50 dollars."

----------------------------------------------------------

Rude places to live
===================
Nobber (Donegal, Ireland)
Arsoli (Lazio, Italy)
Muff (Northern Ireland)
Bastard (Norway)
Twatt (Shetland, UK)
Twatt (Orkney, UK)
Dildo (Newfoundland, Canada)
Wankie (Zimbabwe)
Climax (Colorado, USA)
Lickey End (West Midlands, UK)
Shafter (California, USA)
Dongo (Congo - Democratic Republic)
Dong Rack (Thailand-Cambodia border)
Donk (Belgium)
Intercourse (Pennsylvania, USA)
Brown Willy (every schoolboy's favourite, Cornwall, UK)
Lord Berkeley's Knob (Sutherland, Scotland)
****lingthorpe (Yorkshire, UK)
Stains (Near Paris, France)
Seymen (Turkey)
Turdo (Romania)
Fukum (Yemen)
Fukue (Honshu, Japan)
Fukui (Honshu, Japan)
Fuku (Shensi, China)
Wankie Colliery (Zimbabwe)
Wanks River (Nicaragua)
Wankendorf (Schleswig-Holstein, Germany)
Wankener (India)
Shag Island (Indian Ocean)
Sexmoan (Luzon, Philippines)
Hold With Hope (Greenland)
Beaver (Oklahoma, USA)
Beaver Head (Idaho, USA)
Wet Beaver Creek (Australia)
Pis Pis River (Nicaragua)
Tittybong (Australia)
Dik**** (India)
Middle Intercourse Island (Australia)
Chinaman's Knob (Australia)

 

[Cuti]

for my next holiday i'll go to Shag Island! lol :rofl2: