Classy bit over here (the official Inter.. i mean joke thread) (6 Viewers)

[Hambon]

A very ugly woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids. The Wal-Mart greeter asks, "Are they twins?"

The ugly woman says, "No, he's 9 and she's 7. Why? Do you think they really look alike?"

"No," replies the greeter. "I just can’t believe you got laid twice."

 

Buy on AliExpress.com

[Hambon]

When Bob found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or two my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening. Three days later, she became his stepmother.

 

[del pietro]

nowaday speed is everything.

 

[IlDivinCodino]

Why Is Sex Like Riding A Bike?
1. You have to keep pumping if you want to get anywhere.

2. It's best to wear protective head-gear when going into unfamiliar territory.

3. You can do it with no hands, but it's best not to try it until you have a lot of experience.

4. It's easier to learn with the help of someone who has a lot of experience.

5. You can do it by yourself, but it's usually not as much fun.

6. It's usually hard to control your speed the first few times you try.

7. It's best to have a soft place to land.

8. You don't need any special clothing, but you can get some if you are really into it.

9. If you're with someone who is having trouble keeping up, it's usually best to slow down and wait for them.

10. Most people think it looks easy until they try it for the first time.

11. Once you learn, you never forget how.

12. If you fall off get right back on.

13. If you get a flat, try pumping it back up.

14. Remember to signal before you change direction.

15. Make sure that you've got a firm grip.

16. Sometimes it's nice to have a cushy seat.

17. Once you're over the top, you can just coast the rest of the way.

18. That's why some of them are called Mountin' Bikes.

 

[IlDivinCodino]

Tricking a Nun
A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.

The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."

The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."

The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.

The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.

After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "

The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"

 

[IlDivinCodino]

One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "bitch" and the women called the man a "bastard".

Their son walked in and said "What does bitch and bastard mean?" and the parents replied "ladies and gentlemen".

The next day the parents decided to have sex, the women said "feel my titties" and the man said "feel my dick".

Their son walked in and asked "What does titties and dick mean?" and the parents replied "hats and coats".

On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, "Shit" he said, the kid came in and asked "What's that mean" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using.

Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, "Fuck" she said. Once again the kid asked "What's that mean" the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey.

Then the door bell rang. The kid answered the door to his relatives and said "Alright you bitches and bastards, put your dicks and titties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the shit off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey!

 

[del pietro]

nice

 

[Tourinorum]

LOL!

 

[Chxta]

Father:"I want you to marry a girl of my choice". Son : "I will choose my own bride!" Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter." Son : "Well, in that case...ok" Next Father approaches Bill Gates. Father: "I have a husband for your daughter." Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!" Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank." Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok" Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank. Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president." President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!" Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law." President: "Ah, in that case...ok" This is how business is done!!

 

[Henry]

haha!! good one

 

[Badass J Elkann]

Note to the mods: I explained to fliakis why we needed this thread as you've probably seen that some of the other threads have kinda gone offcorse with chimenti related posts, and i was feeling guilty that it was going ofcors, plus that despite the fact he's left juve, he was still once part of the juve cause, and that there are other threads of passed players, so fliakis kindly granted me permission to open a new one, as he cudnt be assed to re open the closed ones.

so this time please keep this 1 open



profile:

Name: Antonio Chimenti
Born: Bari, Italy
Nationality: Italy
Position: Goalkeeper
DOB: 30/6/1970
Current Club: Cagliari

Antonio CHIMENTI Career History
Club Championship European Competitions Caps
88-89 Sambenedetto (-)
89-90 Sambenedetto (-)
90-91 Sambenedetto 5 Games (-)
91-92 Tempio 35 Games (-)
92-93 Monza 4 Games (-)
93-94(oct) Sambenedetto (-)
93-94 Salernitana 27 Games (-)
94-95 Salernitana 37 Games (-)
95-96 Salernitana 36 Games (-)
96-97 Salernitana 37 Games (-)
97-98 AS Roma 8 Games (-)
98-99 AS Roma 24 Games 8 Games (UEFA Cup)
99-00 Lecce 33 Games (-)
00-01 Lecce 34 Games (-)
01-02 Lecce 31 Games (-)
02-03 Juventus Turin 4 Games 2 Games (Champions League)
03-04 Juventus Turin 2 Games 3 Games (Champions League)
04-05 Juventus Turin 2 Games 1 Games (Champions League)
05-06(jan) Juventus Turin 3 Games (-)
05-06 Cagliari 21 Games (-)




Antonio CHIMENTI Honours

2003 Serie A.. Champions (Juventus)
2005 Serie A.. Champions (Juventus)
2004 Italian Cup Finals (Juventus)

 

[Il Re]

great guy

 

[serfaraaz]

what iS his date of birth

 

[Badass J Elkann]

great guy

Thanks

do you think rab will be ok with me uploading some pics of him meeting chimenti?

 

[Badass J Elkann]

what iS his date of birth

DOB: 30/6/1970

 

[serfaraaz]

give me the some information about his biography titled "MY BLUNDERS"

 

[Badass J Elkann]

Antonio Chimenti, 32 years old next 30th of June, played the last three seasons's as Lecce's goalkeeper. Born in Bari, he began his football career with Sambenedettese, were he debuts in Serie C back in '90-'91.

Then a year with Tempio, C2, and one with Monza, for his debut in Serie B. He return's to Sambenedettese, but in October '93 he moves to Salernitana where he will play 4 years, the first in C1, the other three in Serie B. At the end of the season '96/97 destination Roma, with whom he debuts in Serie A on the 21st of September 1997. He plays two seasons, putting together 8 games the first year and 24 the second. Since '99/'00 he is Lecce's goalkeeper, with 33 games the first year, 34 the second and third.




Total Stats 2005/06
Category Total
Minutes 310
Goals 0
Penalties 0
MBG 0
Assists 0
MBA 0
Points 0
MBP 0
Yellow Cards 0
Red Cards 0
Start 3
Bench 10
SubIn 1
SubOut 0

Serie A Stats 2005/06
Category Total
Minutes 190
Goals 0
Penalties 0
MBG 0
Assists 0
MBA 0
Points 0
MBP 0
Yellow Cards 0
Red Cards 0
Start 2
Bench 7
SubIn 1
SubOut 0

Champions League Stats 2005/06
Category Total
Minutes 0
Goals 0
Penalties 0
MBG 0
Assists 0
MBA 0
Points 0
MBP 0
Yellow Cards 0
Red Cards 0
Start 0
Bench 3
SubIn 0
SubOut 0

Coppa Italia Stats 2005/06
Category Total
Minutes 0
Goals 0
Penalties 0
MBG 0
Assists 0
MBA 0
Points 0
MBP 0
Yellow Cards 0
Red Cards 0
Start 0
Bench 0
SubIn 0
SubOut 0


Stats Key
MBG Minutes Between Goals
MBA Minutes Between Assists
MBP Minutes Between Points
Start Matches Started
Bench Matches Started from Bench
SubIn Times Substituted In
SubOut Times Substituted Out

 

[Badass J Elkann]

give me the some information about his biography titled "MY BLUNDERS"

heres something to add to his bio:


Cagliari stopper Antonio Chimenti is eurosport.com/uk's player of the week after his heroics in the 1-1 draw against Juventus. If you have any comments on our team of the week, email [email protected]!


source:

http://www.eurosport.com/football/european-leagues/2005-2006/sport_sto869159.shtml

 

[ReBeL]

The Forgotten Legend

 

[Badass J Elkann]

where did u find that? do u know how impossible it is to buy a past juve gk shirt with chimenti on the back? i had niketown laughing at me, was deeply hurt