Classy bit over here (the official Inter.. i mean joke thread) (172 Viewers)

[Zé Tahir]

An Italian, an American, and an Indian, all construction workers, meet for lunch on a beam several stories high.

The italian opens his lunch box and finds Spaghetti and gets pissed, "Everyday I get the same shit, I swear if I get this shit again I'm gonna jump and end it!"

The American opens his lunch box and finds a Ham sandwich and gets pissed, "Every day I get the same shit, I swear if I get this shit again I'm gonna jum and end it!"

The Indian opens his lunch box and finds Dhal-Chawal (indian food ) and gets pissed, "Every day I get the same shit, I swear if I get this shit again I'm gonna jump and end it!"

The next day...:

The Italian opens his lunch box and finds Spaghetti again; jumps and dies

The American opens his lunch box and finds a Ham sandwich again; jumps and dies

The Indian opens his lunch box and finds Dhal-Chawal again; jumps and dies

@ the funeral the next day:

The three wives are sitting around the coffins. The Italians wife is crying and says , "Why!, what have I done! If I'd known this I would have made something else."

The American's wife who's also is crying says "Why! what have I done! If I'd known this I would have made him something else"

Everyone turns to the Indian lady and are expecting her to say something. After a while the Indian lady says, "What?! What are you looking at me for?? He made his own lunch!"

 

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[Il Re]

An Italian, an American, and an Indian, all construction workers, meet for lunch on a beam several stories high.

The italian opens his lunch box and finds Spaghetti and gets pissed, "Everyday I get the same shit, I swear if I get this shit again I'm gonna jump and end it!"

The American opens his lunch box and finds a Ham sandwich and gets pissed, "Every day I get the same shit, I swear if I get this shit again I'm gonna jum and end it!"

The Indian opens his lunch box and finds Dhal-Chawal (indian food ) and gets pissed, "Every day I get the same shit, I swear if I get this shit again I'm gonna jump and end it!"

The next day...:

The Italian opens his lunch box and finds Spaghetti again; jumps and dies

The American opens his lunch box and finds a Ham sandwich again; jumps and dies

The Indian opens his lunch box and finds Dhal-Chawal again; jumps and dies

@ the funeral the next day:

The three wives are sitting around the coffins. The Italians wife is crying and says , "Why!, what have I done! If I'd known this I would have made something else."

The American's wife who's also is crying says "Why! what have I done! If I'd known this I would have made him something else"

Everyone turns to the Indian lady and are expecting her to say something. After a while the Indian lady says, "What?! What are you looking at me for?? He made his own lunch!"

so the moral is, indians are idiots (regarding the joke)?

 

[DelPierino]

A woman walks with her husband around in the zoo.
They stop at the parte where the apes are.
She says look i bet that i can make them horny.
She let the apes se a little bit of flesh by pulling down her Bra a bit.
The Apes went crazy.
After that the husband throw his wife down to the apes and shouts after her and know your gonna explaine them that you have Headache.

 

[Snoop]

This one for Lebanese, Enjoy Jeeks




> >>A Lebanese was sitting with a Syrian and a Philipino
> >>
> >>in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled barrel of whisky,
> >>
> >>when all of a sudden Saudi police entered and arrested
> >>
> >>them. They were sentenced jail term with each
> >>
> >>receiving 20 lashes of the whip.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>As they were preparing for their lashes punishment,
> >>
> >>the Sheikh suddenly said:
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>"It's my 4th wife's birthday today, and she asked me
> >>
> >>to allow each one of you, one wish before your
> >>
> >>whipping."
> >>
> >>So the Philipino guy thought for a while and then
> >>
> >>said: "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done
> >>
> >>but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip
> >>
> >>went through.
> >>
> >>The Syrian guy, watching the scene, said: "Please fix
> >>
> >>two pillows on my back". But even two pillows could
> >>
> >>only take 12 lashes before the whip went through
> >>
> >>again.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>Before the Lebanese fellow could say something, the
> >>
> >>Sheikh turned to him and said: "just because of Saudi
> >>
> >>relations with Rafik Hariri you can have 2 wishes
> >>
> >>instead of one"
> >>
> >>"Thank you, Most Royal and Merciful Highness", the
> >>
> >>Lebanese replied. "My first wish is: "I would like to
> >>
> >>have 40 lashes instead of 20."
> >>
> >>"If you so desire", the Sheikh replies with
> >>
> >>questioning look on his face, "and your second wish?"
> >>
> >>"Tie the Syrian to my back", the Lebanese answered.

 

[Juve_Kosova]

:rofl2: Gotta love this thread!!

 

[Byrone]

Sup ppl,just to say hi. work is hectic & actually missin u guys!

A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.


After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been

developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."







MALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Put down your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Put window up.

7. Drive off.





***********************************************************





FEMALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up, pull forward, back up and so forth and repeat as

many times as required to align car window with the ATM machine.



3. Set parking brake, put the window down.

4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate bank card.

5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.

6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way with magnetic strip pointing the way the little picture indicates.

10. Dig through handbag and examine each receipt to see if PIN# is written there. Finally, search through phone book to find your PIN

written the inside of the back page.



11. Enter PIN into ATM machine .

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.

18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card.

22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.

23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.

24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

25. Redial person on cell phone.

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27. Release Parking Brake.

 

[Muha]

 

[Hambon]

Welcome back Patna!! its been a minute

 

[Menace]

lol, women are the worst thing on earth.

 

[Elvin]

lol, women are the worst thing on earth.

yeah true, especially when you DON'T have one

 

[Jem83]

Quality

 

[WΏΏdy?]

first of all welcome back byrone missed you..

quality post there

 

[Oggy]

An American, Russian and Bosinian meet at the bar to test who have the strongest alcohol drink.

An American took bottle of whiskey and drink it, then Bosinian and Russian shows him a chair and asked him how many chairs he see. American said 3

Then Russian took bottle of vodka and drink it, Amreican and Bosinan asked him how many chairs he see, and russian said 8

At last Bosnian took bottle of Rakija (very strong alcholoc drink) and drink it, Russian and American asked him how many chairs he see, and bosnian asked in which row???

 

[ReBeL]

An American, Russian and Bosinian meet at the bar to test who have the strongest alcohol drink.

An American took bottle of whiskey and drink it, then Bosinian and Russian shows him a chair and asked him how many chairs he see. American said 3

Then Russian took bottle of vodka and drink it, Amreican and Bosinan asked him how many chairs he see, and russian said 8

At last Bosnian took bottle of Rakija (very strong alcholoc drink) and drink it, Russian and American asked him how many chairs he see, and bosnian asked in which row???

Nice...

 

[ReBeL]

There were these three nuns that were killed in a traffic accident, and immediately sent to the Pearly Gates.

As St. Peter was looking over their files, he said, "You ladies have been very good, but before I can let you in, you have to answer a question." So he asks the first nun, "What was the name of the first man that God created?" "Adam," she replied. The lights started flashing, music started playing, the angels started singing, and then two angels came out and gave the nun her halo and wings, and off she went into the Pearly Gates.

Then St.Peter asked the second nun, "What was the name of the first woman that God created?" "Eve," the nun said. And the lights started and two angels came out and gave the nun her halo and wings, and off she went into the Pearly Gates.

Then St. Peter asked the third nun, "What was the first thing that Eve said to Adam?" The nun, clearly confused, started scratching her head, and replied, "Gee, that's a hard one." And the lights started flashing, the music started playing......

 

[ReBeL]

The soldiers are tired and lonely after spending weeks in enemy territory.

To entertain them the Major called for this HOT number from the nearby town. She came, danced and when the first dance was done, the soldiers went mad. They clapped for 5 minutes. For her second number she stripped and danced in sheer bra and G-strings. This time the applause went for 10 minutes.

The next number she danced topless and this time the applause went on and on. The Major had to come on stage and ask them to quiet down for the grand finale. For her last number, she was to strip completely and dance naked. The Major expected the soldiers to make enough noise to bring the roof down.

The stripper appears nude and dances for 10 minutes. But ten minutes later, there is no clapping - you could hear a pin drop. The dancer comes back onto the stage and takes a bow. The Major asks her, "What happened? How come there was no clapping this time?" She replied, "Major, how do you expect those poor boys to clap with one hand!?"

 

[ReBeL]

Once in America a plane crashed, only a monkey who was traveling in the plane was left alive. Fortunately the monkey was intelligent enough to understand our language and reply in actions. The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the monkey.

Officer: "When the plane took off what were the travelers doing?"

Monkey: "Tying their belts"

Officer: "What were the airhostesses doing?"

Monkey: "Saying Hello! Good morning!"
Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"

Monkey: "Checking the system"

Officer: "What were you doing?"

Monkey: "Looking for my people"

Officer: "After 10' minutes what were the travelers doing?"

Monkey: "Having beverages and snacks"

Officer: "What were the airhostesses doing?"

Monkey: "Serving the travelers"

Officer: "What were the Pilots doing?"

Monkey: "Handling the steering"

Officer: "What were you doing?"

Monkey: "Eating & throwing"

Officer: "After 30 minutes what were the travelers doing?"

Monkey: "Some were sleeping and some were reading"

Officer: "What were the airhostesses doing?"

Monkey: "Make up"

Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"

Monkey: "Handling the steering"

Officer: "What were you doing?"

Monkey: "Nothing"

Officer: "Just before plane crash what were the travelers doing?"
Monkey: "All were sleeping"

Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"

Monkey: "Handling the air hostess"

Officer: What were you doing?

Monkey: Handling the steering!!!!!


No more Questions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[IlDivinCodino]

an indian named Kumarapan came to America for the 1st time and decided to go to a bar. After a minute or so,2 men came in

Bartender: so, what's it?
1st man: Jack Daniels, single
2nd man: Johnny Walker, single

the bartender turns to the Indian
Bartender: what about you?
Indian: Kumarapan, married

 

[ReBeL]

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday
evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler
he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring
and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you
understand, I want something very special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought
another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the
jeweler said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with
excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated,
by cheque. " I know you need to make sure my cheque is good, so I'll
write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and
I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man.

"There's no money in that account."

"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had
with her?".

 

[ReBeL]

Female Comebacks!

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing