Classy bit over here (the official Inter.. i mean joke thread) (6 Viewers)
- Thread starter Martin
- Start date
Four brothers left home for college, and they soon became successful doctors, stock brokers, and lawyers and they prospered.
Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together.
They discussed the Christmas gifts that they were able to give to their elderly mother who lived in another city.
The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama and she got moved in."
The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater system built in the house."
The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver her an SL600 on Christmas Eve."
The fourth said, "Listen to this. You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read it anymore because she can't see very well? Well, I met this priest who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty priests 12 years to teach him. Iad to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the Church, but it was worth it. I bought the parrot and had it delivered! Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."
The other brothers were noticeably impressed.
After the holidays Mama sent out her thank you notes. She wrote:
"Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I still have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."
"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I just stay home. I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was nice. Thanks."
"Melvin, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound. It could entertain 50 people, but all my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing, and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."
"Dearest Michael, You were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you so much!"
Love, Mama
Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together.
They discussed the Christmas gifts that they were able to give to their elderly mother who lived in another city.
The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama and she got moved in."
The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater system built in the house."
The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver her an SL600 on Christmas Eve."
The fourth said, "Listen to this. You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read it anymore because she can't see very well? Well, I met this priest who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty priests 12 years to teach him. Iad to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the Church, but it was worth it. I bought the parrot and had it delivered! Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."
The other brothers were noticeably impressed.
After the holidays Mama sent out her thank you notes. She wrote:
"Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I still have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."
"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I just stay home. I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was nice. Thanks."
"Melvin, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound. It could entertain 50 people, but all my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing, and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."
"Dearest Michael, You were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you so much!"
Love, Mama
universal truths. i thought it was cheesy but oh well
>1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
>
>
>2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
>
>
>3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
>
>
>4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
>
>
>5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
>
>
>6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
>
>
>7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
>
>
>8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
>
>
>10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
>
>
>11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
>
>
>12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
>
>
>13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
>
>
>14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
>
>
>15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
>
>
>16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
>
>
>17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
>
>
>18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
>
>
>19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
>
>
>20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
>
>
>21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.
>
>
>22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
>
>
>23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
>
>
>24) You never ever run out of salt.
>
>
>25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
>
>
>26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
>
>
>27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
>
>
>28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
>
>
>29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
>
>
>30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
>
>
>31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
>
>
>32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
>
>
>33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal his or her nose.
>
>
>34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
>
>
>35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
>
>
>36) Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
>1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
>
>
>2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
>
>
>3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
>
>
>4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
>
>
>5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
>
>
>6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
>
>
>7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
>
>
>8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
>
>
>10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
>
>
>11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
>
>
>12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
>
>
>13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
>
>
>14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
>
>
>15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
>
>
>16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
>
>
>17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
>
>
>18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
>
>
>19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
>
>
>20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
>
>
>21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.
>
>
>22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
>
>
>23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
>
>
>24) You never ever run out of salt.
>
>
>25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
>
>
>26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
>
>
>27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
>
>
>28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
>
>
>29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
>
>
>30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
>
>
>31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
>
>
>32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
>
>
>33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal his or her nose.
>
>
>34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
>
>
>35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
>
>
>36) Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
