Classy bit over here (the official Inter.. i mean joke thread) (184 Viewers)

[Zé Tahir]

Was that supposed to be a joke? Because I could actually live with everything except for the last 2 paragraphs. They don't make any sense..."th" is and shouldn't be pronounced with a "z".

 

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[Ahmedios]

Was that supposed to be a joke? Because I could actually live with everything except for the last 2 paragraphs. They don't make any sense..."th" is and shouldn't be pronounced with a "z".

Yeah, they told me that it is a joke.

 

[Cuti]

Yeah, they told me that it is a joke.

at the end usually there is a paragraph saying:

By the sixth year we will be speaking German like they wanted

 

[Ahmedios]

at the end usually there is a paragraph saying:

By the sixth year we will be speaking German like they wanted

Sorry, I haven't got the meaning.

 

[Midzata®]

what i sironic?
Inter winnig the Scudetto...

 

[Ahmedios]

what i sironic?
Inter winnig the Scudetto...

They haven't won it yet. And if they win it, it will be their last one in the first half of this century.

 

[Midzata®]

I was just suggestin what' igony, maybe tragedy more!? But I hope they won't win it, but if they win I hope it will be their first and last in this millenium[period]

 

[Midzata®]

damn my writing sucks... I'm not wering my glases now

 

[Ahmedios]

I was just suggestin what' igony, maybe tragedy more!? But I hope they won't win it, but if they win I hope it will be their first and last in this millenium[period]

I have the same hope. int:

damn my writing sucks... I'm not wering my glases now

Never mind, it works...

 

[Midzata®]

Anyway fuck Inter, i'm going to another thread... Bye!

 

[Phillip II]

Sorry, I haven't got the meaning.

Well, that's what the joke is about. With the changes , the new language looks more like German than English, and if you add the "By the sixth year we will be speaking German like they wanted" part, you have a joke.
The way you wrote it there's no funny ending

 

[Ahmedios]

I got confused because of the the word usually in his post.

Anyways, thanks Phillip II.

 

[Phillip II]

A man phones into work to tell his boss he can't come in because he's sick. "How sick are you?" the boss asked.
"Well at the moment I'm in bed f*cking my daughter!!!!!"

 

[Phillip II]

A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.

"I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies.

"O.K. Do you have a boyfriend?" asks the Midwife

"No, no boyfriend either."

"Do you have a partner then?"

"No, I'm not attached, I'll be having my baby on my own."

After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman.

"You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black".

"Well," replies the girl. "I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a porno movie. The lead man was black."

"Oh, I'm very sorry," says the midwife, "that's really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions butI must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair."

"Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see the co-star in the movie was this Swedish guy."

"Oh, I'm sorry," the midwife repeats, "that's really none of my business either and I hate to pry further but your baby also has slanted eyes."

"Yes," continues the girl, "there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice."

At this, the midwife again apologises, collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give baby a slap on the butt. The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims, "Thank god for that!"
"What do you mean?" says the midwife, shocked.
"Well," says the girl extremely relieved, "I had this horrible feeling that it was going to bark."

 

[Phillip II]

Two guys were swapping stories in the park one day and one guy (a war vet) mentioned that during the war he was captured and held for weeks without food.
The other guy asked, "How could you survive without food?"
"It wasn't easy," he said. "But I had a big meal before I was captured and learned to eat my own shit."
"WHAT? That's disgusting!" said the first guy. "I don't believe you!"
Without a second thought the vet reached into his pants, shit in his hand and promptly ate it on the spot.
The second guy said, "My God! If you can do that so easily, we can bet big money and rake in a fortune!"
"Sounds good to me," said the vet "I can use the money."
The next day the guy had set up a bet with two wealthy but unbelieving high rollers. "This I gotta see," said one of the gamblers.
"It ain't gonna happen," said the other. "No one can eat their own shit."
"Lets do it," said the vet's buddy as he set down a plate full of shit in front of the vet. The vet looks down ready to dig in, when all of a sudden he bolts from the table and projectile pukes a streak across the room right on the two gamblers.
In a rage the gamblers kick the living crap out of both the vet and his buddy, they take their winnings and leave.
"We lost it all!" said the buddy. "Why in the hell didn't you eat the shit?"
"There was a hair in it!" said the vet.

 

[Phillip II]

One day, in line at the works cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him "My elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'd better see a doctor!"

"Listen, don't waste your time down at the surgery," Mike replies.
"There's a diagnostic computer at Tesco. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong, and what to do about it.

It takes ten seconds and only costs five quid.....a lot quicker and
better than a doctor and you get Club Card points".

So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to
Tesco.

He deposits five pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample.He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
"You have tennis elbow".
Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will
improve in two weeks.

Thank you for shopping at Tesco ".

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure.

Jack hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen.
He deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the
results.

The computer prints the following:
1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will
never get better........

 

[Phillip II]

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party.

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids. The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes For his birthday."

The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to Flight School to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."

The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion."

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?" One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?"

The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub."

The three friends said: "What a shame... what a disappointment."

The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends."

 

[chester]

How you can tell when it's going to be a rotten day
===================================================
* You wake up face down on the pavement.
* You went to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and
there aren't any.
* You put your bra on backward and it fits better.
* You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
* You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of
the city.
* You see a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office.
* Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
* Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
* You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then you rea-
lize that you don't have a waterbed.
* Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you
follow a group of Hell's Angels on to the freeway.
* Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache.
* Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.
* The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.
* You wake up and your braces are locked together.
* You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of
your pantyhose.
* Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.
* Your income tax check bounces.
* You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of
your business.
* You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
* Your pet rock snaps at you.
* Your wife says, "Good morning, Bill," and your name is George.

 

[Azzurri7]

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party.

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids. The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes For his birthday."

The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to Flight School to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."

The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion."

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?" One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?"

The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub."

The three friends said: "What a shame... what a disappointment."

The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends."

 

[Falafel]

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party.

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids. The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes For his birthday."

The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to Flight School to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."

The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion."

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?" One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?"

The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub."

The three friends said: "What a shame... what a disappointment."

The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends."