Chxta's Space (5 Viewers)

[Chxta]

Acting Inspector General of Police (IGP), Mr. Sunday Ehindero, yesterday said over 40,000 Nigerian Passports, including official ones, were recovered during the recent raid on Oluwole, a notorious area in Lagos Island noted for document forgery and counterfeiting.

The IGP, who made the disclosure while briefing the press in Lagos said 1,500 foreign passports, including those of Libya, Liberia, Sierra Leone, Congo, Guinea Bissau, Cameroon, Senegal, Switzer-land., the Gambia, South Africa, United States, Jamaica, Costa Rica and Ghana were recovered. Also recovered from the raid were about 50,000 assorted foreign cheques and over 500 printing plates.

Other seizures made, according to Ehindero, include over 500 computers, about 10, 000 blank British Airways tickets, about 10, 000 United States Postal Money Order and blank certificates of occupancy.The IGP said 115 suspects were arrested. Seventy-seven of the suspects, he said, were later set free for lack of sufficient evidence to warrant their detention.

Ehindero said the police, the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) and the State Security Services (SSS) combined to conduct the Oluwole raid aimed at dismantling the notorious criminal black spot, where all forms of stolen and forged documents were openly traded in Central Lagos.

According to him, President Olusegun Obasanjo, who was concerned with the threat to security by the nefarious activities going on in the area had directed that a committee, comprising of the Police, the FCT Minister, SSS, Immigration and the EFCC clean up the area and other similar locations, where counterfeiting and forgery were prevalent in Lagos.

 

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[Dan]

Chxta- what about my suggestion? are you going to take that on board?

 

[Chxta]

Yes

 

[Chxta]

If you had seen the CIV-Cameroon game! The Camerooninans have what we don't have... mental strenght! The Nigerian team seems to hve given up! Where is the never say die attitude that was the hallmark of Nigerian teams in the late 80s and throughout the 90s?

 

[Chxta]

Kanu just gave me an orgasm...
He made the third Nigerian goal with the perfect pass!!!

 

[Dan]

Thats nice

 

[JCK]

Now THAT'S an orgasm

 

[Dan]

 

[JCK]

I would like to see this picture with sound effects.

I repeat, THIS picture, not a movie.

 

[Chxta]

You ill Jeeksie

 

[Chxta]

Plot summary: Last week, the Nigerian government implemented an increase in fuel prices that will only hit the Nigerian people very hard. This rant is about the effects of that increase on the majority of the population.

The operational definition of the masses in this article, shall include the unemployed, retired civil servants, pensioners and all those whose monthly income fall below N50,000 ($420) per month. It is expected that all who fall within this broad category must eat, clothe themselves, incur transportation expenses, pay all sorts of bills which would include rent, electricity, medical, and possibly school fees for their children or wards. Indeed, it would be fair to assume that over 70% of the Nigerian working class fall into the above category, and the larger percentage would be found in our urban centres with Lagos alone accounting for a sizeable proportion of the working class.

The nature of urbanization compels residents to devote a steady amount of their monthly income to transportation to and from their places of employment. The ratio of transport expenditure to total income would depend on factors relating to efficiency and cost of mass transportation generally. The excellent mass transit systems in existence in serious minded and focused economies ensure that personal transportation costs would form an insignificant portion of a worker’s income. In developing countries such as mine, where mass transit systems are often uncoordinated and chaotic, inefficiency thrives and urban residents invariably find that a greater portion of their meager income of between $1-$12 per day would go into the pocket of transport operators. Thus any increase in transportation costs would mean greater pressure on an already limited income as less money become available for other basic vital needs such as food, health and child education. The problem of the urban dweller is further compounded by the multiplier effects of increased transportation costs on even those same basic needs; thus, we have a situation where not only is less money available for food, for example, but the increase in food prices make it difficult to sustain an already battered diet plan.

The result is a mass of living dead in our urban centres, people who become so pauperized that they soon lose all sense of decency and civil behaviour; people who live just to get to work and back with dignity barely superior to slave labour. The masses of this country have witnessed about six increases in the price of automotive and domestic fuel in the last six years. The people of Nigeria have become poorer and poorer as a result of the effects of higher fuel prices on all facets of their lives and last week’s increase of over 25% on the previous price of N50.5/litre may have dealt a dastardly blow on an already emasculated populace. The death blow will surely come sooner than later, as the authorities have maintained that the new price of N65/litre includes a subsidy, which is not permissible in a deregulated market scenario. Nature has joined the conspiracy to compound our woes and expose the inefficiency and the illogicality in our current monetary framework, by bringing on Hurricane Katrina to major oil fields in the United States. The effect of this act of God can only mean higher crude oil prices which would invariably trigger higher pump prices of fuel in Nigeria in spite of the attendant blessings of increased dollar revenue and reserves from our oil exports.

The government is increasingly finding it difficult to satisfactorily explain why increasing revenue should mean increasing poverty for our people. The promises of the benefits of deregulation of the downstream sector of the oil industry remain a mirage; yet, we are admonished to exercise patience and assured that we would be better off as soon as international crude oil prices fall and our export earnings from crude oil start to drop! If the layman is confused by such logic, concerned economic analysts wonder if the dollars earned from oil exports is different from the dollar investments which our (dear) President has traversed the world to bring to Nigeria.

If our fuel prices will only come down when we begin to earn less and less export revenue from crude oil, analysts wonder at the extension of this logic, with the implication that we would be better of when crude oil prices fall as low as possible, maybe to less than $10/barrel, so that even though our export earnings will fall, we will at least enjoy cheaper fuel prices domestically and everyone will be happier! The above is, to say the least farcical, economic theory and commonsense dictate that you cannot be poorer when you have increasing wealth! Technically, increasing crude oil prices brings us increasing wealth, such that we can amass dollar reserves in excess of $32bn (including so called excess reserves). Our heavy dollar revenue should automatically strengthen the value of our local currency the naira such that our domestic cost of fuel will fall inversely with the rate of increase of crude oil prices and by extension our dollar reserves, factors which have induced the interest of even our shyllock creditors to want to parley with us! The earlier we call the operators of our monetary policies to question and stop them from deceiving Nigerians with a dream of better days to come with the current monetary framework, the earlier we can start enjoying God’s abundant blessings on us from the current unprecedented windfall we have received from rising crude oil prices.

It is painful when enlightened Nigerians hinge the problem of high domestic fuel prices on the limited capacity and poor state of our refineries! I reiterate that if 100 new and efficient refineries were in place, this would only affect the price of local petrol marginally; i.e. the difference with current prices would only be less than 10%, the freight cost of transporting crude oil overseas for refining and the cost of bringing back refined fuel in a deregulated system. It is also disturbing when eminent Nigerians ask for the sustenance of huge subsidies and palliatives in a deregulated market when the government can easily put in place a monetary system that is economics compliant, and which would automatically strengthen the naira value and bring down domestic fuel prices, with the attendant practicality of a petrol sales tax of between 10-20%.

The practical approach to bring this about is to discard the current process of infusing export dollar earnings into the system by first converting to naira before sharing. If dollar certificates were adopted for the infusion, the above benevolent economics compliant scenario would emerge, and we would all clap together and rejoice when God blesses us with higher crude oil prices and higher earnings! This makes more sense than the nonsense arrangement we have at the moment.

I will conclude this piece by sounding the warning that the government should stop and contemplate the severe hardship that would be imposed on the Nigerian masses if the adverse multiplier effects of higher fuel prices are compounded by the proposed increase in the rate of VAT from 5% to a flat rate of 10%, and the determination of the Lagos State Government to impose a 5% sales tax on goods and services produced and sold within the state. It is difficult to imagine how the government can hold down severe inflation and halt further pauperization of the Nigerian masses in view of the effects of these factors on spending power, industrial capacities, employment generation and ultimately survival of our people. However, if the intention of the government is to decimate the majority of our people, then there is no doubt that the current framework will achieve their purpose.

 

[Chxta]

 

[Turdhead]

++ [ originally posted by Chxta ] ++


Are you real?

er what?

 

[Chxta]

I am currently in Benin City, Edo, Nigeria, and I noticed that some parts of the town are overrun with goats. Got me thinking...

The notice that greets you as you enter the estate says:
“Straying of fowls, dogs and livestock on the Estate is strictly prohibited. Owners risk seizure and forfeiture”.
It doesn’t say whether a grand barbecue in an open field would follow the seizure and forfeiture of the livestock, with everyone invited. As you proceed further up the road it becomes clear that the unspecified “livestock” mentioned in the notice are mainly goats. There are no dogs in sight, and not enough fowls to be a nuisance.

It is a different matter with goats, five of whom decide to cross the road right in front of your car, causing you to stamp hard on your brakes. You take a good look at them, and decide that they are goats only by courtesy. If the reference books are to be believed, bona fide goats are “surefooted agile ruminant mammals that naturally inhabit rough stony ground in Europe, Asia and North Africa.” These ones that you see before you naturally inhabit the highways and alleys of Nigeria, and frequently stray onto private residential estates. Some of them may be surefooted, but they are never agile when it comes to vacating the comfortable place they have staked for themselves in the middle of your driveway.

Take the one now blocking the access to your gate. It sits there, goateed, black suited, solidly immovable, and deaf to the insistent tooting of your car horn. It is waiting for you to get out of the car and prod it with your toe before it gets up and ambles a few feet to another shady spot, where it sits down again. It needs no introduction. It is your neighbour’s goat, the very same that one of the Ten Commandments enjoins you not to covet, along with your neighbour’s wife, his house, his field, his manservant, his maidservant, his ox and his ass.

On the subject of coveting your neighbour’s manservant, one could say that a man who is too lazy to train a raw “houseboy” and make of him a superb valet may, with financial inducement, persuade his neighbour’s valet to make a switch. He may thereby be committing a sin, but only according to the strict standards of the Old Testament. On Judgment Day, when the goats shall be separated from the sheep, he may, with luck, get off with a slap on the wrist.

I believe that any man who covets his neighbour’s goat needs to have his head examined, considering how overwhelming the case against goats is. Here is the evidence:

Apart from blocking driveways and leaving their droppings all over the place, goats are excessively omnivorous. They eat shirts that the wind has blown off the clothesline, and have been known to chew up a twenty-dollar bill. That’s about three thousand and six hundred naira at today’s rate of exchange. The fact that the said dollar bill is green in colour, and was probably mistaken for a leaf is no excuse.
Goats are stubborn. You can’t head them off any goods and chattels of yours for which they have developed an appetite.

Most goats are deplorably unsuitable for use as four-footed lawn mowers. They nearly always overlook the overgrown Port Harcourt grass in your garden, preferring to devour your prized herbaceous border instead.

Since 1986, goat meat has acquired a notoriety after a young and outspoken police officer alleged that military coup plots are hatched by idle army officers in goat-pepper soup joints.

Neighbours seem to prefer to eat their goats in secrecy. All that alerts you to what they are up to is the smell of the hair being burnt off the goat’s skin, preparatory to chopping up the goat and cooking it.

Finally, a goat’s beard somehow appears to make a bolder statement than mine.
Goats have given us some very apt remarks, my favourite being the one about the he-goat who went out looking for a wife and came back pregnant.

The very word “goat” has some association with which no self-respecting man would want to be identified. There must be a good reason why a lecherous man is referred to as a goat (hence “old goat), although I have trouble making the connection myself.
“Scapegoat” is easier to understand, once its origin has been explained. In Biblical times (so the story goes) a goat was symbolically laden with the sins of the Israelites and allowed to escape into the wilderness. A version of the story, probably apocryphal, has it that this scapegoat now turns up in Nigeria every few years, usually in the guise of either a Technical Adviser, or a Chief Coach of the national team, and takes the blame for everything that goes wrong with Nigeria’s bid to qualify for the World Cup..

Goats, like just about everything else, feature regularly in stories involving the police. I collect such stories. The one that follows may sound improbable, but it is true in every material particular.

The first happened in Okene,Kogi, Nigeria some years ago, nd may be cited as The Case of the Vanishing Exhibit.

According to the report published in at least one newspaper, a man was arrested and charged with breaking one of the laws of the land by stealing his neighbour’s goat and converting same into goat meat stew. In the process he also disobeyed at least two of the Ten Commandments, although that did not appear on the charge sheet. The exhibit on which the police relied to get a conviction was an earthenware pot which contained the stew made from the erstwhile goat. The presiding magistrate took the plea (“not guilty”) and adjourned the case for two weeks. The police took the accused and the soup pot back into custody.

Two weeks later, the case was resumed, with everyone (and everything) present in court except the contents of the soup pot.
“What happened to the exhibit?” the magistrate asked.

The prosecuting police sergeant launched into an explanation about how, faced with the problem of keeping the soup from “turning sour” during the two weeks that the case was adjourned, the constables at the police station had been warming it twice a day, as demanded by good culinary practice.

“As a result of all that heating” the sergeant concluded, “the stew dried up.”
The long and short of it was that the magistrate, as reported by the newspapers, dismissed the case against the accused for want of evidence — which is why I believe the report.

 

[Lawnchair Bes]

it never ends doesnt it

 

[Chxta]

++ [ originally posted by Chxta ] ++
ZLATAN
Good for you. Lighten up a little. You been sittin' there all quiet.

CHXTA
I just been sittin' here thinkin'.

ZLATAN
About what?

CHXTA
The miracle we witnessed.

ZLATAN
The miracle you witnessed. I witnessed a freak occurrence.

CHXTA
Do you know that a miracle is?

ZLATAN
An act of God.

CHXTA
What's an act of God?

ZLATAN
I guess it's when God makes the impossible possible. And I'm sorry Chxta, but I don't think what happened this morning qualifies.

CHXTA
Don't you see, Zla, that shit don't matter. You're judging this
thing the wrong way. It's not about what. It could be God stopped the bullets, he changed Coke into Pepsi, he found my fuckin' car keys. You don't judge shit like this based on merit. Whether or not what we experienced was an according-to-Hoyle miracle is insignificant. What is significant is I felt God's touch, God got involved.

ZLATAN
But why?

CHXTA
That's what's fuckin' wit' me! I don't know why. But I can't go back to sleep.

ZLATAN
So you're serious, you're really gonna quit?

CHXTA
The life, most definitely.

From here.

That is just me being naughty with the movie Pulp Fiction which, I had the priviledge of watching (once again) yesterday. To really get a hold on this, it is the best film I have seen without doubt (save The Godfather) and I don't expect too many other films to beat it (what with the declining standards of scripts?). As they say, times change, and I agree that as a result of its violence and that particularly uncomfortable scene (the gay rape, remember American History X anyone) this film is not meant for everyody, but I still remember when I watched it the first time, and it rocked my world. Anyone who watches it now has to acknowledge that it actually changed the history of cinema.
Come to think of it, it came after a decade (or more) of action films that always ended with a car chase where Mr. Schwazzenegger (T2) saved the day - you could have written those films yourself! Pulp Fiction had you hooked and credited the audience with intelligence. There is not one line of wasted dialogue and the movie has a number of complexities that are not immediately obvious.
It also resurrected the career of John Travolta and exhibited the acting genius of Samuel Jackson. There are so many films now that are edited out of sequence (Sin City :thumb: ) and have multiple plots etc but this is the one they all want to be, or all want to beat, but IMHO, never will.

 

[Chxta]

When news of how blood of chickens, goats, pigeons and other cold blooded reptiles could not save the Elephants of Cote d’Ivoire from the hand of the Indomitable Lions of Cameroon in last Sunday’s World cup qualifier match played in Abidjan, all the chief priest of various shrines, medicine men and their voodoo counterparts that masterminded the slaughtering of harmless animals and coupled with their faulty predictions of the result of the match are now on the run.

After reading report on the wire on how the Ivorian fans filed out of the stadium in Abidjan after the defeat of team, there was another story of deaths, which still now had remained officially unconfirmed by the Ivorian soccer authorities.

However, the most intriguing story of how the houses of voodoo priest was torched for their bad verses escaped the international media, but as fate would have it, A Nigeria female soccer player who watched the encounter and things that went with it opened up and narrated how bitter local soccer fans felt and what they finally did on the day the Lions humiliated the Elephants in their backyard.

Cynthia C. Okonkwo plays for a female soccer outfit (name withheld) in Cote d’Ivoire and she witnessed the other side soccer hooliganism immediately the referee sounded the last whistle. But before then, every Ivorian soccer fan was mobilized with a point blank assurance that the Elephants would have the day and go ahead to qualify at the expense of Cameroon. Hopes were raised following heart pumping predictions by voodoo priests, there were also personal sacrifices by fans which was ordered by the juju priests for the arrest and to counter an opposing phenomenon which may have accompanied Cameroonians to the stadium.

A lot of money was spent in obedience to priests' orders.

As Okorokwo was narrating her story, she appeared ice-cold looking hypothenised and unwilling to continue, but she as soon as she was assured of some measure of protection as regards her real identity, she then relaxed and told the story.

“As a Nigerian I was thinking of what happens to us in Algeria where the Super Eagles would also face such task as the Cameroonians. My mind was off the Elephant’s match because I wasn’t giving much attention to it and with my emotions off, I was just managing to please my friends,”

Okoronkwo also said that before the match, most fans went through some rituals where they were given marks on their body before entering the stadium.

“What kept giving me nightmare was how fans here behaved before and after the match. I am a Catholic and I don’t believe I should go through rituals for a football match and when such fetish behaviour does not please God and for not agreeing to a ritual marks my club gave me some punishment because they said, evil can come through me to destroy their plans,”

The player had to escape from Ivory Coast to Nigeria when it was reported that those who did not go through the sacrifice were the cause for their defeat.

“I could not sleep the night after that match was played, my team mates were like suspecting that there was something I did that caused their defeat because I always have my rosary with me. And to make matter worse for me, Nigeria also defeated Algeria 5-2 and it was like I was planted in favour of Cameroon.

What was the fans reaction to the voodoo priest in Ivory Coast?

“Voodoo people are popular in Abidjan and they conduct their practice openly unlike Nigeria. Fans were angry and soon the match ended all the places the priests have their shrines was set ablaze and my friends who participated told me of how one was beaten to coma while others fled the capital city.

Okoronkwo noted that in the past a few voodoo priests had distinguished themselves and were used to predict matches correctly but on this occasion something went wrong, “even before that match some predicted that the Elephants would qualified with or without the match involving Cameroon, everyone was sure of at least a draw, a defeat was never imagined and when it happened, to local fans, behaved as if Jesus Christ have been crucified again, I had to escape with a Cameroonian female colleague to her country before coming down to Nigeria under the cover of the Lions football supporters club,” she said.

One pathetic thing that happened was burning of animals while alive, some would put live snakes into their mouth chanting some incantations and fumes from these things are poison to visitors like us but you dare not complain,” she said.

 

[Chxta]

Time and time again , you will get players that are club material but not National Team material. Aiyegbeni is one of them. Akpoborie used to be like that too. He could not muster up much on the National team. They should stop inviting him and let him concentrate on his club career.

 

[Chxta]

Groupe «4» des éliminatoires africaines combinées CAN-Mondial 2006 : le surprenant Angola tient la dragée haute aux super favoris, les «Super Eagles nigérians en partageant la 1ère place avec leurs illustres adversaires pour le seul ticket qualificatif pour l’Allemagne, étant entendu que pour la course à l’événement continental de la même année devant se dérouler au Caire, les trois sésames sont déjà acquis et devraient revenir à ce tandem en compagnie du Zimbabwe bien collé pour décrocher la timbale. L’Angola, qui a disposé dimanche dernier sur son terrain à Luanda et devant ses supporters du Gabon sur le score sans appel de 3-0, maintient intact et à son bénéfice le suspense et fait douter plus que jamais son concurrent le plus sérieux, le Nigeria pas encore fixé sur son sort et qui doit patienter jusqu’au bout (la dernière journée prévue à la fin de la première semaine du mois prochain) pour enfin souffler et éviter la désillusion, même si une victoire ne suffirait pas au cas où les Angolais, qu’un succès au Rwanda placera sur la voie royale pour signer (une première historique pour le football local) leur entrée officielle dans le gotha universel. Le Nigeria, qui compte à son palmarès plusieurs participations au rendez-vous quadriennal universel du ballon rond et qui doit accueillir à l’occasion le Zimbabwe (on ne voit pas comment ce dernier pourrait contrecarrer ses plans, c’est-à-dire un succès inscrit à l’ordre de la logique), pourrait ainsi tirer à blanc et voir ses espoirs s’envoler définitivement. Sur le plan sportif, la situation est donc loin de s’être décantée après l’avant-dernière journée qui a vu justement le Nigeria, avec ses stars, venir donner la leçon aux «Verts» à Oran et préserver, au moment où les Angolais disposaient aisément à domicile des Gabonais, ses chances de ne pas rater le voyage allemand mais devrait, au même titre que son adversaire du jour, l’Algérie, s’expliquer sur les accusations graves portées à leur encontre par l’entraîneur national angolais, Oliveira de Gonçalves, qui dénonçait dans la presse de son pays que «le match entre l’Algérie et le Nigeria [2-5] disputé à Oran, a été arrangé». Oliveira, qui accusait au passage le Nigeria d’avoir «suborné des joueurs gabonais en payant les billets d’avion des 12 joueurs et des primes de match pour qu’ils garantissent la victoire du Gabon face à l’Angola, croit déceler un complot (dans lequel il inclut l’Algérie) pour empêcher son équipe (il dira que malgré ce stratagème elle occupe la première place ex aequo mais avec un meilleur goal-average) et reste optimiste quant à sa qualification pour le Mondial, car elle n’a besoin que d’une victoire face au Rwanda pour transformer son rêve en réalité en ramenant l’unique place de qualification du groupe au Mondial 2006 de l’extérieur. La FAF, par l’entremise de son président, restera sans réaction qui engage, au-delà du football, l’image de tout le pays ? Une affaire qui risque de faire des vagues. A suivre.

My French is broken at best, but the gist here is that the Angolans are accussing us of bribing the Algerians to throw their match! Why can't Africans generally take results without resorting to such accusations?


Source

 

[Chxta]

Didier Drogba has threatened to stop playing for the Ivory Coast following the reaction of fans to their World Cup qualifying defeat to Cameroon.

The Ivory Coast players were insulted and threatened by some fans after losing 3-2 to Cameroon in Abidjan.

Drogba told French television channel TF1: "If such events should occur (again), I'd no longer take the risk to come and play for the national team."

The Chelsea stirker scored both his team's goals against Cameroon.

Cameroon will now qualify if they win their last match, a home fixture with Egypt, who have no chance of qualification.

The Ivory Coast must win their final fixture away to Sudan in Omdurman the day before and then wait to hear Cameroon's result.

Drogba has looked impressive in Chelsea's perfect start to the season, scoring three goals in their opening five league games.

Drogba, 27, was born in the Ivory Coast but spent most of his childhood in France and has dual nationality.

What a cunt. Doesn't he know that football fans everywhere over-react in the heat of the moment? One of the occupational hazards of playing the game.