What I did for my summer holiday by Theo Walcott Esq, aged 8 1/2 (8 Viewers)

Chxta

Onye kwe, Chi ya ekwe
Nov 1, 2004
12,088
#1
I went to a place called Germany with my Uncle Sven and some other grown ups. It is a country in Europe where a bad man called Adolf used to live with his nazties, he does not live there anymore, Uncle Owen does live there, and the grown up's say I can't talk about the bad man as it will make Uncle Owen cry if I do. In Germany there are lots of castles and some mountains. We are staying in a place called Baden Baden that's a silly name, Uncle Frank has the same name as his dad, that's silly too, his mum must get their underpants mixed up all the time.

On the airplane Uncle Sol sat next to me, he got me some toffee and wants to be my friend, he works at the place where I do my YTS, so does Uncle Freddy but him and Uncle Sol are not best friends anymore.

Uncle Owen met us at the airport, he talks foreign, Uncle Wayne, Uncle Steven and Uncle David also talk funny, my mum says Uncle David talks like Orville, he is a duck, Uncle Sol say's uncle David wears dresses and knickers, and asked me if I had ever worn them. Uncle Sol got me some pop.

In Germany the grown ups are going to play football, my granddad says we beat them in the olden days before my mum was born. That is a long time ago.

While the grown up's went to play football so I went shopping with Auntie Vicky and some other girls she bought me a big ice cream and got herself a little one but she said she was full before she had eaten any and threw it away. She bought lots of shoes and handbags and let me play with Brooklyn. She say's she used to be in a pop band and sang me one of her songs, I think she was telling fibs.

I told Uncle Sol about my day out with Vicky and he sulked, then he bought me an even bigger ice cream with lots of hundred's & thousands on it.

All the other grown up's have a girlfriend except Uncle Sol so he plays with me while they go out. Uncle Sven says I must keep Uncle Sol happy, that's why I got taken on holiday.

The grown up's went to play Football against somebody called Sweden, Uncle Sol was crying as Uncle Freddy played for them and would not talk to him. Uncle Sol bought me lots of toffee today and some crisps. Uncle Sven is from Sweden and I heard him on the phone to their boss last night. Uncle Michael hurt his knee and had to go home to his mum for a plaster. Uncle Peter is a giant, a proper giant like you see in books, he is rubbish at football though.

Uncle Wayne had a sore toe at the start of out holiday but it got better so they let him play football. Uncle Sol got me a present but I do not like it. He says all Germans wear leather underpants and I should while we are here, they are too tight for me.

All the grown up's started to call Uncle Wayne a potato head who stood on somebody’s spuds. He got shouted at by the referee. They are all saying that we have to go home now. Uncle Sol was crying again and I had to sit on his knee to make him stop. He had his mobile phone in his pocket, I think.
 

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Tom

The DJ
Oct 30, 2001
11,726
#3
Chxta said:
I went to a place called Germany with my Uncle Sven and some other grown ups. It is a country in Europe where a bad man called Adolf used to live with his nazties, he does not live there anymore, Uncle Owen does live there, and the grown up's say I can't talk about the bad man as it will make Uncle Owen cry if I do. In Germany there are lots of castles and some mountains. We are staying in a place called Baden Baden that's a silly name, Uncle Frank has the same name as his dad, that's silly too, his mum must get their underpants mixed up all the time.

On the airplane Uncle Sol sat next to me, he got me some toffee and wants to be my friend, he works at the place where I do my YTS, so does Uncle Freddy but him and Uncle Sol are not best friends anymore.

Uncle Owen met us at the airport, he talks foreign, Uncle Wayne, Uncle Steven and Uncle David also talk funny, my mum says Uncle David talks like Orville, he is a duck, Uncle Sol say's uncle David wears dresses and knickers, and asked me if I had ever worn them. Uncle Sol got me some pop.

In Germany the grown ups are going to play football, my granddad says we beat them in the olden days before my mum was born. That is a long time ago.

While the grown up's went to play football so I went shopping with Auntie Vicky and some other girls she bought me a big ice cream and got herself a little one but she said she was full before she had eaten any and threw it away. She bought lots of shoes and handbags and let me play with Brooklyn. She say's she used to be in a pop band and sang me one of her songs, I think she was telling fibs.

I told Uncle Sol about my day out with Vicky and he sulked, then he bought me an even bigger ice cream with lots of hundred's & thousands on it.

All the other grown up's have a girlfriend except Uncle Sol so he plays with me while they go out. Uncle Sven says I must keep Uncle Sol happy, that's why I got taken on holiday.

The grown up's went to play Football against somebody called Sweden, Uncle Sol was crying as Uncle Freddy played for them and would not talk to him. Uncle Sol bought me lots of toffee today and some crisps. Uncle Sven is from Sweden and I heard him on the phone to their boss last night. Uncle Michael hurt his knee and had to go home to his mum for a plaster. Uncle Peter is a giant, a proper giant like you see in books, he is rubbish at football though.

Uncle Wayne had a sore toe at the start of out holiday but it got better so they let him play football. Uncle Sol got me a present but I do not like it. He says all Germans wear leather underpants and I should while we are here, they are too tight for me.

All the grown up's started to call Uncle Wayne a potato head who stood on somebody’s spuds. He got shouted at by the referee. They are all saying that we have to go home now. Uncle Sol was crying again and I had to sit on his knee to make him stop. He had his mobile phone in his pocket, I think.
You are an absolute fucking dickhead, and that post has just confirmed it. Why people like you are welcomed here is beyond me, you add nothing but pointless inflammatory bullshit like that. What a pathetic life you must have if thats the best you can do.

Where were Nigeria in the world cup by the way, even Togo made it from your substandard qualifying group, you imbecile!!
 

Seven

In bocca al lupo, Fabio.
Jun 25, 2003
39,332
#5
The part about Sol Campbell offering Walcott leather underpants is quite funny though :D. And face it, selecting Walcott was a blunder.
 

Tom

The DJ
Oct 30, 2001
11,726
#6
Martin said:
Isn't that a big strong, Tommyboy?
sorry, don't think less of me, i'm just fed up with this sort of anti-english crap being banded about these forums constantly and nothing being done about it.
 

Slagathor

Bedpan racing champion
Jul 25, 2001
22,708
#7
Tom said:
sorry, don't think less of me, i'm just fed up with this sort of anti-english crap being banded about these forums constantly and nothing being done about it.
I read that on the BBC's website though. Or was it the Guardian... (great website, you familiar with "The Fiver"?)

But yeah, the anti-english sentiments are a bit omnipresent on these boards.
 

Seven

In bocca al lupo, Fabio.
Jun 25, 2003
39,332
#8
Tom said:
sorry, don't think less of me, i'm just fed up with this sort of anti-english crap being banded about these forums constantly and nothing being done about it.

Well that's true. Quite sick of it myself.
 

Tom

The DJ
Oct 30, 2001
11,726
#16
Erik-with-a-k said:
I read that on the BBC's website though. Or was it the Guardian... (great website, you familiar with "The Fiver"?)
We used to get the guardian delivered, until mother wanted a paper with more sudoku puzzles in :disagree:
 

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