Was on a mixture for a while, they thought my shit was all anxiety until I told them I wasn't allowed to make a mistake at work and drink 15 beers a day. They asked if that was because I was told that and self-medicate or just because I'm a problematic drinker. After a lot of therapy, it turned out I genuinely have OCD with some OCPD and I drink because it makes me easy, psychologically. I went from (soft stuff) like Lexapro, to a bit more Lexapro, to blah blah, then I saw a Psychologist and a Psychiatrist simultaneously. That was what worked, honestly, I got on 20mg of Prozac, up to 30, up to 60, and back to 40. My doc wanted me to stay on 50 to make sure I wasn't chewing off my fingers, but my work took a hit. I stopped caring about deadlines and took an even more lesaiz [sic?] faire attitude where that is typically my drive, my personal life I joke. I dropped down to 40 about three months ago and I can feel the YOU FUCKING DID WHAT WITH THE DISHWASHER creep in every once in a while, but I can roll those hard edges away with OTC Diphenhydramine. It's a life saver, it's the active ingredient in most PM meds, but because I can get 4000 on Amazon, I sleep like a baby or am "nah, cool" when people sharpen my knives the wrong way. Was about a three-year process to where I am, but dude, it was bad.
I don't know if you're asking because you're curious or for some other reason, but what made me seek help was a podcast with former SEAL Andy Stumpf who said, "Asking for help is a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness." He has some serious PTS issues and medical issues. Made me rethink my life.
If you want to talk about it honestly, let me know. I'll PM you my number, we can talk at your leisure.
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