Seven

In bocca al lupo, Fabio.
Jun 25, 2003
39,326
You're accusing me of what I found wrong about what you and others said :D I never said getting over someone is wrong lol. I'm the one here who is trying to stay away from generalizations when it comes to something as unique as love. Even the way I love differs from one person I love to another. To say you should be over everyone after a year is ridiculous. You might get over a person much faster than you will for another person, which means it's not so much about you or your coping mechanism as it is about the other person. And if you think you can and you should get over everyone in a year, you have yet to meet a person who is impossible to get over. Poor poor you



I agree :shocked:

Staying away from someone because you are getting too emotionally invested? :wth:



You DEFINITELY can't. You can decide how to act upon it though, which is often the difference between a responsible and irresponsible person. Things I read here :sergio:




Our emotions are ours. They're projections as much as they really are about the other person. For someone arguing that almost all behaviour is inherently selfish, it's funny that you can't see how self-centered we are.

The fact you, a woman in her thirties, still don't believe you have at least some degree over control over who you fall in love with speaks volumes. Either you really are that naive or you're just desperate to be special.

And I pity you. Because you have not yet reached the level of maturity to realise that making conscious decisions in the field of love does not devalue the human experience, but rather makes any connection stronger and more intimate.

But you go ahead and watch the notebook again.
 

Martin

Senior Member
Dec 31, 2000
56,913
Our emotions are ours. They're projections as much as they really are about the other person. For someone arguing that almost all behaviour is inherently selfish, it's funny that you can't see how self-centered we are.

The fact you, a woman in her thirties, still don't believe you have at least some degree over control over who you fall in love with speaks volumes. Either you really are that naive or you're just desperate to be special.

And I pity you. Because you have not yet reached the level of maturity to realise that making conscious decisions in the field of love does not devalue the human experience, but rather makes any connection stronger and more intimate.

But you go ahead and watch the notebook again.
how are you doing? are you still with that girl who plays footie?
 

king Ale

Senior Member
Oct 28, 2004
21,689
Our emotions are ours. They're projections as much as they really are about the other person. For someone arguing that almost all behaviour is inherently selfish, it's funny that you can't see how self-centered we are.

The fact you, a woman in her thirties, still don't believe you have at least some degree over control over who you fall in love with speaks volumes. Either you really are that naive or you're just desperate to be special.

And I pity you. Because you have not yet reached the level of maturity to realise that making conscious decisions in the field of love does not devalue the human experience, but rather makes any connection stronger and more intimate.

But you go ahead and watch the notebook again.
You know nothing of ethics of discussion, which is why I often avoid discussing things with you. But here's a last. The inferences that you are making are so poor I'd rather believe you do it intentionally only for the sake of thinking that you have won an argument.

The "all human act is selfish" bit was what you said. I said I agreed with it, we were not arguing over that. I do believe there are rare occasions in which people act extremely selflessly, and committing a suicide is not one of those occasions.

I made a distinction between how we feel and how we act. When someone spits at you, anger, shame, embarrassment, or all follow. You can decide whether to punch the aggressor or let it go. You can decide whether to make it about yourself or about the other person. There comes self-control: over feelings, emotions, whims, desires, impulses. You are dead if you don't feel those feels. You are powerful if you know how to act on them. You see and smell a chocolate cake and you feel like having it. Control is how you respond to that. You see a beautiful person and you fall for them. Power is about the move you make. That's why people are held responsible for their actions, and rightly so.

I have no intention of proving to you of all people anything about myself. So I finish with the fact that I have yet to watch the notebook.
 

GordoDeCentral

Diez
Moderator
Apr 14, 2005
70,789
You know nothing of ethics of discussion, which is why I often avoid discussing things with you. But here's a last. The inferences that you are making are so poor I'd rather believe you do it intentionally only for the sake of thinking that you have won an argument.

The "all human act is selfish" bit was what you said. I said I agreed with it, we were not arguing over that. I do believe there are rare occasions in which people act extremely selflessly, and committing a suicide is not one of those occasions.

I made a distinction between how we feel and how we act. When someone spits at you, anger, shame, embarrassment, or all follow. You can decide whether to punch the aggressor or let it go. You can decide whether to make it about yourself or about the other person. There comes self-control: over feelings, emotions, whims, desires, impulses. You are dead if you don't feel those feels. You are powerful if you know how to act on them. You see and smell a chocolate cake and you feel like having it. Control is how you respond to that. You see a beautiful person and you fall for them. Power is about the move you make. That's why people are held responsible for their actions, and rightly so.

I have no intention of proving to you of all people anything about myself. So I finish with the fact that I have yet to watch the notebook.
So you do agree falling for someone is not loving them but rather, like the word suggests, a slip up in our self control. The fact is the only reason we are attracted to each other is to procreate, and from a woman's perspective the couple is her best chance for survival.

 

king Ale

Senior Member
Oct 28, 2004
21,689
So you do agree falling for someone is not loving them but rather, like the word suggests, a slip up in our self control . The fact is the only reason we are attracted to each other is to procreate, and from a woman's perspective the couple is her best chance for survival.

No i don't agree with that and I didn't say that. Whether you feel you love this person or this chocolate cake is not a self control failure. Whether you sleep with a married person you feel you love or whether you eat the cake though you know you shouldn't cause you have diabetes are self control failures. This argument was in reference to what soren said about people who get involved with parents of their students and argue they cannot control who they fall for. My point was, this is the action you can control and are held responsible for.
 

GordoDeCentral

Diez
Moderator
Apr 14, 2005
70,789
No i don't agree with that and I didn't say that. Whether you feel you love this person or this chocolate cake is not a self control failure. Whether you sleep with a married person you feel you love or whether you eat the cake though you know you shouldn't cause you have diabetes are self control failures. This argument was in reference to what soren said about people who get involved with parents of their students and argue they cannot control who they fall for. My point was, this is the action you can control and are held responsible for.
Do you believe that these relationships are 'wrong'
 

Azzurri7

Pinturicchio
Moderator
Dec 16, 2003
72,692
I discussed this with some colleagues, when another collegaue of mine killed himself. We thought it is because more women don't want to kill themselves, but want to create attention.
It has nothing to do with attention (unless she's a bitch) but from my experience I can say that women are more mature than men, specially that once a relationship is over men tend to question their ego and that's not an easy thing to deal with in such a situation.


Exactly. Sometimes people need a bit of support. But if people become stuck in that grieve phase over some person they didn't even really know that well, it is often necessary for someone to tell them to stop crying like a baby.
I don't know if you're referring to Martin's case here but emotions are involved sometimes even if the person is mysterious. Many are attracted mentally/emotionally for the fact that they don't really know the person well, so that's a start.
 

Hængebøffer

Senior Member
Jun 4, 2009
25,185
It has nothing to do with attention (unless she's a bitch) but from my experience I can say that women are more mature than men, specially that once a relationship is over men tend to question their ego and that's not an easy thing to deal with in such a situation.




I don't know if you're referring to Martin's case here but emotions are involved sometimes even if the person is mysterious. Many are attracted mentally/emotionally for the fact that they don't really know the person well, so that's a start.
I was talking about suicide/suicide attempts.
 

Seven

In bocca al lupo, Fabio.
Jun 25, 2003
39,326
You know nothing of ethics of discussion, which is why I often avoid discussing things with you. But here's a last. The inferences that you are making are so poor I'd rather believe you do it intentionally only for the sake of thinking that you have won an argument.

The "all human act is selfish" bit was what you said. I said I agreed with it, we were not arguing over that. I do believe there are rare occasions in which people act extremely selflessly, and committing a suicide is not one of those occasions.

I made a distinction between how we feel and how we act. When someone spits at you, anger, shame, embarrassment, or all follow. You can decide whether to punch the aggressor or let it go. You can decide whether to make it about yourself or about the other person. There comes self-control: over feelings, emotions, whims, desires, impulses. You are dead if you don't feel those feels. You are powerful if you know how to act on them. You see and smell a chocolate cake and you feel like having it. Control is how you respond to that. You see a beautiful person and you fall for them. Power is about the move you make. That's why people are held responsible for their actions, and rightly so.

I have no intention of proving to you of all people anything about myself. So I finish with the fact that I have yet to watch the notebook.

First of all I would like to point out that I don't believe arguments about these subjects can be 'won'. We are not in debate class. We are offering our opinion based on our experiences as human beings, possibly and preferably backed up by facts or science. There is no judge deciding which side is right and which side is wrong. The only way I can see myself truly winning this argument is if I manage to convince you. Clearly I have not done so, so clearly I have not 'won'.

As for ethics of discussion, you might want to enlighten me by pointing out what exactly I did wrong here. I know that I can be ruthless during a debate. If I have offended you, I apologise. I know that I belittled you with my post. I admit to doing so. But I did so as a response to this:

And if you think you can and you should get over everyone in a year, you have yet to meet a person who is impossible to get over. Poor poor you :p
I don't appreciate that at all.

And as for the distinction between how we feel and how we act, that is what's at the very core of this debate. How we act influences how we feel. That's why behavioural therapy exists. And I'm sure you have the necessary experience to know that there are always moments when you choose to either walk away or let yourself fall in love. To suggest you have no control over your actions and the emotions that are the direct consequence of those actions, is childish in my opinion.

There is always a point where you can deliberately choose to let things go. And people do this all the time.

- - - Updated - - -

No i don't agree with that and I didn't say that. Whether you feel you love this person or this chocolate cake is not a self control failure. Whether you sleep with a married person you feel you love or whether you eat the cake though you know you shouldn't cause you have diabetes are self control failures. This argument was in reference to what soren said about people who get involved with parents of their students and argue they cannot control who they fall for. My point was, this is the action you can control and are held responsible for.
The love for a cake and the love for a person are two very different things. No one loves cake. People like cake. Unless of course you're saying you have decided to spend the rest of your life with cake.

- - - Updated - - -

how are you doing? are you still with that girl who plays footie?
Yes I still am. Love her very much. Unfortunately due to a congenital foot disorder her playing days are virtually over..
 

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