I don't expect to have "everything" on a plate or have everything figured out. But let me put it this way. I get what you're saying. Relationships work a certain way, and both men and the women have a role to play. Men are the ones who always gotta make the first move, be the initiators and all of that shit. All y'all do that so very well and truly deserve the illustrious experiences you've had. My problem is that I cannot play that role. I'm just not wired that way. I've tried to follow all of the advice I see here and ones given by friends and the internet. I've seen all of it and I really can't do it all. I used to feel like I was swimming up the river when I tried to do that. Felt like I was not being myself and just being someone else and following someone else's instructions, and I never liked that. The older I got and the more I tried, it just got worse. Like a fish out of water trying to climb a tree. There's just something wrong, or some disconnect due to which I just can't be like the rest of the menfolk.
I know you're gonna say that this is all BS, or that I'm overthinking it and I shouldn't. But I don't see any other way. I've always been an outcast and I have a feeling deep down inside that I'm not meant for relationships and that it's just futile to try. I obviously don't want it to be true cos I like anyone else have the evolutionary need to fuck and reproduce, but this is who I am and I need to accept it and work with it. I know it's just a matter of time before I completely lose interest in it all. This probably doesn't make sense to you all, but I see things very clearly.