What Are You Doing Right Now? (471 Viewers)

[sallyinzaghi]

I was once.

do tell

 

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[Seven]

Geez @Seven you're a tough cookie

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I'm not dismissing your emotions. When something like that happens to me, I like to acknowledge my emotions and try and decide whether they have any basis in reality. Although it is impossible to be completely rational at times like these, I find much solace in realising that the pain will pass and that other, almost certainly better things will arrive shortly.

Sometimes I am able to put this simple idea into practice, sometimes I am not.

 

[IliveForJuve]

Can you tell if someone is fat by speaking on the phone?

 

[Martin]

The dude is Australian? It's not one of our weirdo members, is it?

 

[sallyinzaghi]

Sorry to hear that Sally, good that you know what you want exactly, and that you both could discuss it honestly and make the tough call, its not common and seen lots of heartache down the line with couples that didnt have this talk before hand, hopefully you will not regret it and move past it quickly enough.


Regarding religion, religion and values is not allways the same thing, its a big deal if you are religious, but also quite possible to come to an understanding without sharing one. Most in my family/friends who married non-muslim generally goes the way of them converting (or them finding a convert etc), but also plenty I know who marry a non muslim, who they dont necessarily share the same religious belief but quite defenitely as individuals share the same values and understand what they want completely. Takes alot of comprise and sacrifice and honest dialogue to make it work, but its not impossible to make it work. It depends also on how religious one is, different between being culturally muslim and being strict practizing one ofcourse.

I think it depends on the individuals. I know plenty of muslims who don't mind and could accommodate marrying someone who does not practice, I just so happen to not be one of them.. I am quite certain about what I want. Anyway it's not so much of my partner/husband, but I just feel it gets quite complicated when one is fairly religious and the other isn't when it comes to raising kids. I know because I grew up in a similar household where both my parents are polar opposites.

It's not so much about societal/family pressure etc., it is just about what I want, and it is something he is not able to give at the moment. And I would not want to force his hand to do something he is uncomfortable with.

 

[Seven]

Can you tell if someone is fat by speaking on the phone?

Unfortunately you cannot.

 

[sallyinzaghi]

I'm not dismissing your emotions. When something like that happens to me, I like to acknowledge my emotions and try and decide whether they have any basis in reality. Although it is impossible to be completely rational at times like these, I find much solace in realising that the pain will pass and that other, almost certainly better things will arrive shortly.

Sometimes I am able to put this simple idea into practice, sometimes I am not.

I understand. I lost my 18 year old cat last year when she was dying in my room and I had to literally tell myself and imagine that happier days will come. It does work.

 

[Wings]

do tell

Fell in love with a pastor's daughter. Never thought religion would get between us. She just couldn't go through with it. Hurt like a mofo.

 

[sallyinzaghi]

The dude is Australian? It's not one of our weirdo members, is it?

No, he was my housemate in Australia. Moved here (Malaysia) to be with me when I left Aus.

 

[Wings]

I'm not dismissing your emotions. When something like that happens to me, I like to acknowledge my emotions and try and decide whether they have any basis in reality. Although it is impossible to be completely rational at times like these, I find much solace in realising that the pain will pass and that other, almost certainly better things will arrive shortly.

Sometimes I am able to put this simple idea into practice, sometimes I am not.

Rare talent you have there but don't go imposing

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Can you tell if someone is fat by speaking on the phone?

WTF?

 

[Jem83]

The dude is Australian? It's not one of our weirdo members, is it?

 

[Seven]

Rare talent you have there but don't go imposing

I think I did anything but.

 

[sallyinzaghi]

Fell in love with a pastor's daughter. Never thought religion would get between us. She just couldn't go through with it. Hurt like a mofo.

sorry to hear

 

[Osman]

I'm not dismissing your emotions. When something like that happens to me, I like to acknowledge my emotions and try and decide whether they have any basis in reality. Although it is impossible to be completely rational at times like these, I find much solace in realising that the pain will pass and that other, almost certainly better things will arrive shortly.

Sometimes I am able to put this simple idea into practice, sometimes I am not.

Its easier to observe it happening to others and be rational and not so much when its happening to you exactly and you should act on the rational advice you give to people in same sitautions, but you have hard time taking it in when you are in that emotional state at that very moment. Mainly about breakups.

For example I been advocating to friends long distance relationships can work every time it came up, but now myself strongly considering just calling it quits due to gf moving to the US to study for forseeable future. Is fairly new casual relationship, but I cant for the life of me consider seriously that we should still keep trying, better off trying to call it off before it gets messy/awkward due to all the distance. Gently bringing this up with her have been harder and harder every time

 

[Seven]

Its easier to observe it happening to others and be rational and not so much when its happening to you exactly and you should act on the rational advice you give to people in same sitautions, but you have hard time taking it in when you are in that emotional state at that very moment. Mainly about breakups.

For example I been advocating to friends long distance relationships can work every time it came up, but now myself strongly considering just calling it quits due to gf moving to the US to study for forseeable future. Is fairly new casual relationship, but I cant for the life of me consider seriously that we should still keep trying, better off trying to call it off before it gets messy/awkward due to all the distance. Gently bringing this up with her have been harder and harder every time

Which is why I said I can only sometimes put it into practice..

 

[Osman]

I think it depends on the individuals. I know plenty of muslims who don't mind and could accommodate marrying someone who does not practice, I just so happen to not be one of them.. I am quite certain about what I want. Anyway it's not so much of my partner/husband, but I just feel it gets quite complicated when one is fairly religious and the other isn't when it comes to raising kids. I know because I grew up in a similar household where both my parents are polar opposites.

It's not so much about societal/family pressure etc., it is just about what I want, and it is something he is not able to give at the moment. And I would not want to force his hand to do something he is uncomfortable with.

Then things are easy with you since you are so clearly sure, which is rare You should find someone who have the same beliefs and mindset for sure.

 

[Dostoevsky]

Sorry to hear that, sally. If you need an e-hug, I'm here.

 

[Osman]

Fell in love with a pastor's daughter. Never thought religion would get between us. She just couldn't go through with it. Hurt like a mofo.

In Kenya right? Because finding a pastors daughter here in Sweden is like finding a Unicorn being ridden by Fint/ a Leprechaun

 

[Wings]

I think I did anything but.

Imposing is probably not the right word. Insensitive maybe? Not that you'd see it that way.

sorry to hear

It was many years ago. The pain goes away, eventually.

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In Kenya right? Because finding a pastors daughter here in Sweden is like finding a Unicorn being ridden by Fint/ a Leprechaun

It was in Kenya.

 

[swag]

Wow. This is really something else.

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@aaron

How many hookers can I pick up with a bottle of wine and 247 pesos?

Dude, that don't look like the Philly airport!

I can't bring myself to tell anyone else, not friends, not families, so I will write it here.

My boyfriend and I, after a 2.5 yr relationship had decided to call it off. I wanted marriage, he wanted the same, however is not able to meet my condition to convert to Islam. I have no strength to entertain any "religion is stupid" argument etc., but why it is important to me is not because it is what is required as a Muslim, it is my own personal choice - I was brought up as one, and would like to live in a household that shared the same values. Religions or not, I think couples need to have common, shared values, especially when it comes to raising children.

Anyway on paper he could do it but he has told me he does not think he can live up to my expectations in practice, and he is not comfortable with the idea of raising mus kids in Australia (he is Australian.) So after many rounds of discussions, we both finally grew a pair and called it off after many, many tears.

It is such a shit feeling having to break up when you both really love each other but I don't think love can sustain a marriage and these issues need to be addressed now before it bites us both in the ass in the future (well HAD a future, not anymore I guess.)

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH can't stop crying. Farken can't imagine having to start all over again. We are, were, both each other's everything.

Very sorry to hear that, sallyi. I guess the upside -- as if you could even see any upside right now (yeah, right) -- is that this experience help confirms what you want for yourself and your own life in less uncertain terms for the future.

It sucks. But it also sounds like your bf was brutally honest about himself and things too, which is what you both need now rather than later.

You'll get through it, though it will take time. And you'll be better for it in life... you know that, but let me remind you for right now.

I disagree. It is very much the time. When people are heartbroken because they think they have lost the love of their lives, it is time to remind them that perhaps they have not. She sees it as impossible to raise children with this man. Either she made a mistake and mistook the same religion for sharing the same values or she was right in calling it off. If she was right, she clearly has not lost her everything.

OMG, Andries is kind of right.

Figure of speech man. This just happened hours ago give me a break

I understand that with everything else in life, this too shall pass. I have seen it many times, where people break up with their so called 'loves of their lives' and then move on to find someone else.

I just never thought I would end up as one, and boy it's painful as hell right now

The human condition likes the "love of our life" belief. But the fact is that everyone in life will 'leave' us at some point, if not us to them. We don't get a choice in that -- at least as long as we're mere mortals. So it's important to appreciate the people in your life when you have them in your life. But life is always about change...