What Are You Doing Right Now? (147 Viewers)

[Osman]

Sorry to hear that Sally, good that you know what you want exactly, and that you both could discuss it honestly and make the tough call, its not common and seen lots of heartache down the line with couples that didnt have this talk before hand, hopefully you will not regret it and move past it quickly enough.


Regarding religion, religion and values is not allways the same thing, its a big deal if you are religious, but also quite possible to come to an understanding without sharing one. Most in my family/friends who married non-muslim generally goes the way of them converting (or them finding a convert etc), but also plenty I know who marry a non muslim, who they dont necessarily share the same religious belief but quite defenitely as individuals share the same values and understand what they want completely. Takes alot of comprise and sacrifice and honest dialogue to make it work, but its not impossible to make it work. It depends also on how religious one is, different between being culturally muslim and being strict practizing one ofcourse.

 

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[sallyinzaghi]

I was once.

do tell

 

[Seven]

Geez @Seven you're a tough cookie

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I'm not dismissing your emotions. When something like that happens to me, I like to acknowledge my emotions and try and decide whether they have any basis in reality. Although it is impossible to be completely rational at times like these, I find much solace in realising that the pain will pass and that other, almost certainly better things will arrive shortly.

Sometimes I am able to put this simple idea into practice, sometimes I am not.

 

[IliveForJuve]

Can you tell if someone is fat by speaking on the phone?

 

[Martin]

The dude is Australian? It's not one of our weirdo members, is it?

 

[sallyinzaghi]

Sorry to hear that Sally, good that you know what you want exactly, and that you both could discuss it honestly and make the tough call, its not common and seen lots of heartache down the line with couples that didnt have this talk before hand, hopefully you will not regret it and move past it quickly enough.


Regarding religion, religion and values is not allways the same thing, its a big deal if you are religious, but also quite possible to come to an understanding without sharing one. Most in my family/friends who married non-muslim generally goes the way of them converting (or them finding a convert etc), but also plenty I know who marry a non muslim, who they dont necessarily share the same religious belief but quite defenitely as individuals share the same values and understand what they want completely. Takes alot of comprise and sacrifice and honest dialogue to make it work, but its not impossible to make it work. It depends also on how religious one is, different between being culturally muslim and being strict practizing one ofcourse.

I think it depends on the individuals. I know plenty of muslims who don't mind and could accommodate marrying someone who does not practice, I just so happen to not be one of them.. I am quite certain about what I want. Anyway it's not so much of my partner/husband, but I just feel it gets quite complicated when one is fairly religious and the other isn't when it comes to raising kids. I know because I grew up in a similar household where both my parents are polar opposites.

It's not so much about societal/family pressure etc., it is just about what I want, and it is something he is not able to give at the moment. And I would not want to force his hand to do something he is uncomfortable with.

 

[Seven]

Can you tell if someone is fat by speaking on the phone?

Unfortunately you cannot.

 

[sallyinzaghi]

I'm not dismissing your emotions. When something like that happens to me, I like to acknowledge my emotions and try and decide whether they have any basis in reality. Although it is impossible to be completely rational at times like these, I find much solace in realising that the pain will pass and that other, almost certainly better things will arrive shortly.

Sometimes I am able to put this simple idea into practice, sometimes I am not.

I understand. I lost my 18 year old cat last year when she was dying in my room and I had to literally tell myself and imagine that happier days will come. It does work.

 

[Wings]

do tell

Fell in love with a pastor's daughter. Never thought religion would get between us. She just couldn't go through with it. Hurt like a mofo.

 

[sallyinzaghi]

The dude is Australian? It's not one of our weirdo members, is it?

No, he was my housemate in Australia. Moved here (Malaysia) to be with me when I left Aus.

 

[Wings]

I'm not dismissing your emotions. When something like that happens to me, I like to acknowledge my emotions and try and decide whether they have any basis in reality. Although it is impossible to be completely rational at times like these, I find much solace in realising that the pain will pass and that other, almost certainly better things will arrive shortly.

Sometimes I am able to put this simple idea into practice, sometimes I am not.

Rare talent you have there but don't go imposing

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Can you tell if someone is fat by speaking on the phone?

WTF?

 

[Jem83]

The dude is Australian? It's not one of our weirdo members, is it?

 

[Seven]

Rare talent you have there but don't go imposing

I think I did anything but.

 

[sallyinzaghi]

Fell in love with a pastor's daughter. Never thought religion would get between us. She just couldn't go through with it. Hurt like a mofo.

sorry to hear

 

[Osman]

I'm not dismissing your emotions. When something like that happens to me, I like to acknowledge my emotions and try and decide whether they have any basis in reality. Although it is impossible to be completely rational at times like these, I find much solace in realising that the pain will pass and that other, almost certainly better things will arrive shortly.

Sometimes I am able to put this simple idea into practice, sometimes I am not.

Its easier to observe it happening to others and be rational and not so much when its happening to you exactly and you should act on the rational advice you give to people in same sitautions, but you have hard time taking it in when you are in that emotional state at that very moment. Mainly about breakups.

For example I been advocating to friends long distance relationships can work every time it came up, but now myself strongly considering just calling it quits due to gf moving to the US to study for forseeable future. Is fairly new casual relationship, but I cant for the life of me consider seriously that we should still keep trying, better off trying to call it off before it gets messy/awkward due to all the distance. Gently bringing this up with her have been harder and harder every time

 

[Seven]

Its easier to observe it happening to others and be rational and not so much when its happening to you exactly and you should act on the rational advice you give to people in same sitautions, but you have hard time taking it in when you are in that emotional state at that very moment. Mainly about breakups.

For example I been advocating to friends long distance relationships can work every time it came up, but now myself strongly considering just calling it quits due to gf moving to the US to study for forseeable future. Is fairly new casual relationship, but I cant for the life of me consider seriously that we should still keep trying, better off trying to call it off before it gets messy/awkward due to all the distance. Gently bringing this up with her have been harder and harder every time

Which is why I said I can only sometimes put it into practice..

 

[Osman]

I think it depends on the individuals. I know plenty of muslims who don't mind and could accommodate marrying someone who does not practice, I just so happen to not be one of them.. I am quite certain about what I want. Anyway it's not so much of my partner/husband, but I just feel it gets quite complicated when one is fairly religious and the other isn't when it comes to raising kids. I know because I grew up in a similar household where both my parents are polar opposites.

It's not so much about societal/family pressure etc., it is just about what I want, and it is something he is not able to give at the moment. And I would not want to force his hand to do something he is uncomfortable with.

Then things are easy with you since you are so clearly sure, which is rare You should find someone who have the same beliefs and mindset for sure.

 

[Dostoevsky]

Sorry to hear that, sally. If you need an e-hug, I'm here.

 

[Osman]

Fell in love with a pastor's daughter. Never thought religion would get between us. She just couldn't go through with it. Hurt like a mofo.

In Kenya right? Because finding a pastors daughter here in Sweden is like finding a Unicorn being ridden by Fint/ a Leprechaun

 

[Wings]

I think I did anything but.

Imposing is probably not the right word. Insensitive maybe? Not that you'd see it that way.

sorry to hear

It was many years ago. The pain goes away, eventually.

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In Kenya right? Because finding a pastors daughter here in Sweden is like finding a Unicorn being ridden by Fint/ a Leprechaun

It was in Kenya.