What Are You Doing Right Now? (129 Viewers)
- Thread starter ßöмßäяðîëя
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oh I have no problem with it being a public post, i think it's a pretty regular thing for immigrants when they visit their parents country.
the thing is that it feels like I have two conflicting poles pulling me in differing directions at the moment. I've wandered around with these thoughts for some time, but this visit to Sarajevo / Belgrade / Podgorica really set something off that I'm not quite done thinking through or dealing with just yet.
The reality is:
I was born in 91 in Sarajevo and we arrived in Denmark in April 1992. This means that I have no recollection of that country or that period at all - everything I know about it is something I've heard / read. I know the language and my parents have done a very astute job at raising me in such a way that right about now I'd decide for myself how I feel, they just gave me all the tools so I could make that choice on my own rather than cramming something down my throat.
The problem:
I feel like I'm two different persona's, one guy when I'm here in Denmark, with this set of friends and this social circle, and a completely different guy when I'm down there (unspecified as I have mini-societies which I slip into where ever I go). Through this dual persona that I have going on, I've started asking my self questions and evaluating my surroundings much more - basically a question of "which one do I like more?". And this question is the one nagging me. The Danish state gave me everything ( my parents weren't treated that nicely, but aside from one or two incidents I can't say that I've been treated any different than a standard danish kid would've been ), and yet I don't really feel at home when I walk down a street in Copenhagen. The only time I feel at home or like I belong is when I'm with the friends I have here, who again are Danish - so why the hell wouldn't I feel at home in Denmark? I can't get past that one.
When I'm down there it's like heaven on earth for me. So many of the things that nag me about the danish society just do not exist down there, but then again my very rosy view on life in the central balkans might stem from the fact that I come down there with money from Denmark and have no material issues at all when I'm down there. I understand all this, the situation is shit in all the X-yugoslav republics and whoever tells you different is a fucking liar, yet I can't help but feel like I would like to pack my suitcases and go down there tomorrow, if I could.
So, that's just some of the very random thoughts I'm struggling with as of late, it might seem uncoherent to someone who is reading it, but I guess I'm just not skilled enough in the art of writing the English language to fully express how complex it is to me ,or perhaps it's because I'm not done chewing it. Anyways, there is a lot more, but I don't want to write a 36.000 character essay on my little existential crisis
.
the thing is that it feels like I have two conflicting poles pulling me in differing directions at the moment. I've wandered around with these thoughts for some time, but this visit to Sarajevo / Belgrade / Podgorica really set something off that I'm not quite done thinking through or dealing with just yet.
The reality is:
I was born in 91 in Sarajevo and we arrived in Denmark in April 1992. This means that I have no recollection of that country or that period at all - everything I know about it is something I've heard / read. I know the language and my parents have done a very astute job at raising me in such a way that right about now I'd decide for myself how I feel, they just gave me all the tools so I could make that choice on my own rather than cramming something down my throat.
The problem:
I feel like I'm two different persona's, one guy when I'm here in Denmark, with this set of friends and this social circle, and a completely different guy when I'm down there (unspecified as I have mini-societies which I slip into where ever I go). Through this dual persona that I have going on, I've started asking my self questions and evaluating my surroundings much more - basically a question of "which one do I like more?". And this question is the one nagging me. The Danish state gave me everything ( my parents weren't treated that nicely, but aside from one or two incidents I can't say that I've been treated any different than a standard danish kid would've been ), and yet I don't really feel at home when I walk down a street in Copenhagen. The only time I feel at home or like I belong is when I'm with the friends I have here, who again are Danish - so why the hell wouldn't I feel at home in Denmark? I can't get past that one.
When I'm down there it's like heaven on earth for me. So many of the things that nag me about the danish society just do not exist down there, but then again my very rosy view on life in the central balkans might stem from the fact that I come down there with money from Denmark and have no material issues at all when I'm down there. I understand all this, the situation is shit in all the X-yugoslav republics and whoever tells you different is a fucking liar, yet I can't help but feel like I would like to pack my suitcases and go down there tomorrow, if I could.
So, that's just some of the very random thoughts I'm struggling with as of late, it might seem uncoherent to someone who is reading it, but I guess I'm just not skilled enough in the art of writing the English language to fully express how complex it is to me ,or perhaps it's because I'm not done chewing it. Anyways, there is a lot more, but I don't want to write a 36.000 character essay on my little existential crisis
.
oh I have no problem with it being a public post, i think it's a pretty regular thing for immigrants when they visit their parents country.
the thing is that it feels like I have two conflicting poles pulling me in differing directions at the moment. I've wandered around with these thoughts for some time, but this visit to Sarajevo / Belgrade / Podgorica really set something off that I'm not quite done thinking through or dealing with just yet.
The reality is:
I was born in 91 in Sarajevo and we arrived in Denmark in April 1992. This means that I have no recollection of that country or that period at all - everything I know about it is something I've heard / read. I know the language and my parents have done a very astute job at raising me in such a way that right about now I'd decide for myself how I feel, they just gave me all the tools so I could make that choice on my own rather than cramming something down my throat.
The problem:
I feel like I'm two different persona's, one guy when I'm here in Denmark, with this set of friends and this social circle, and a completely different guy when I'm down there (unspecified as I have mini-societies which I slip into where ever I go). Through this dual persona that I have going on, I've started asking my self questions and evaluating my surroundings much more - basically a question of "which one do I like more?". And this question is the one nagging me. The Danish state gave me everything ( my parents weren't treated that nicely, but aside from one or two incidents I can't say that I've been treated any different than a standard danish kid would've been ), and yet I don't really feel at home when I walk down a street in Copenhagen. The only time I feel at home or like I belong is when I'm with the friends I have here, who again are Danish - so why the hell wouldn't I feel at home in Denmark? I can't get past that one.
When I'm down there it's like heaven on earth for me. So many of the things that nag me about the danish society just do not exist down there, but then again my very rosy view on life in the central balkans might stem from the fact that I come down there with money from Denmark and have no material issues at all when I'm down there. I understand all this, the situation is $#@! in all the X-yugoslav republics and whoever tells you different is a $#@!ing liar, yet I can't help but feel like I would like to pack my suitcases and go down there tomorrow, if I could.
So, that's just some of the very random thoughts I'm struggling with as of late, it might seem uncoherent to someone who is reading it, but I guess I'm just not skilled enough in the art of writing the English language to fully express how complex it is to me ,or perhaps it's because I'm not done chewing it. Anyways, there is a lot more, but I don't want to write a 36.000 character essay on my little existential crisis .
the thing is that it feels like I have two conflicting poles pulling me in differing directions at the moment. I've wandered around with these thoughts for some time, but this visit to Sarajevo / Belgrade / Podgorica really set something off that I'm not quite done thinking through or dealing with just yet.
The reality is:
I was born in 91 in Sarajevo and we arrived in Denmark in April 1992. This means that I have no recollection of that country or that period at all - everything I know about it is something I've heard / read. I know the language and my parents have done a very astute job at raising me in such a way that right about now I'd decide for myself how I feel, they just gave me all the tools so I could make that choice on my own rather than cramming something down my throat.
The problem:
I feel like I'm two different persona's, one guy when I'm here in Denmark, with this set of friends and this social circle, and a completely different guy when I'm down there (unspecified as I have mini-societies which I slip into where ever I go). Through this dual persona that I have going on, I've started asking my self questions and evaluating my surroundings much more - basically a question of "which one do I like more?". And this question is the one nagging me. The Danish state gave me everything ( my parents weren't treated that nicely, but aside from one or two incidents I can't say that I've been treated any different than a standard danish kid would've been ), and yet I don't really feel at home when I walk down a street in Copenhagen. The only time I feel at home or like I belong is when I'm with the friends I have here, who again are Danish - so why the hell wouldn't I feel at home in Denmark? I can't get past that one.
When I'm down there it's like heaven on earth for me. So many of the things that nag me about the danish society just do not exist down there, but then again my very rosy view on life in the central balkans might stem from the fact that I come down there with money from Denmark and have no material issues at all when I'm down there. I understand all this, the situation is $#@! in all the X-yugoslav republics and whoever tells you different is a $#@!ing liar, yet I can't help but feel like I would like to pack my suitcases and go down there tomorrow, if I could.
So, that's just some of the very random thoughts I'm struggling with as of late, it might seem uncoherent to someone who is reading it, but I guess I'm just not skilled enough in the art of writing the English language to fully express how complex it is to me ,or perhaps it's because I'm not done chewing it. Anyways, there is a lot more, but I don't want to write a 36.000 character essay on my little existential crisis
.
I'm a little skeptical to the claim that you don't feel Danish, though.
the majority is. To say that I don't enjoy it here is not the truth, but.. uhm - fuck .
I just don't feel it, and it's really nagging me that I don't because on paper there should be absolutely nothing but origin separating me from the people around me.
Also, I forgot to add in the written mess up there that I prefer "myself" when I'm in Belgrade or Sarajevo over the "me" when I'm here. Truth be told the only time I haven't been thinking of this the past few months has been under heavy intoxication, at that time I just plug out and like everything that's around me
---------- Post added 15.08.2012 at 20:10 ----------
more like identity crisis and me venting class, you're welcome to peak inside my head
it's a public post, read it if it interests you
. I just don't feel it, and it's really nagging me that I don't because on paper there should be absolutely nothing but origin separating me from the people around me.
Also, I forgot to add in the written mess up there that I prefer "myself" when I'm in Belgrade or Sarajevo over the "me" when I'm here. Truth be told the only time I haven't been thinking of this the past few months has been under heavy intoxication, at that time I just plug out and like everything that's around me
---------- Post added 15.08.2012 at 20:10 ----------
more like identity crisis and me venting class, you're welcome to peak inside my head
it's a public post, read it if it interests you
the majority is. To say that I don't enjoy it here is not the truth, but.. uhm - $#@! .
I just don't feel it, and it's really nagging me that I don't because on paper there should be absolutely nothing but origin separating me from the people around me.
Also, I forgot to add in the written mess up there that I prefer "myself" when I'm in Belgrade or Sarajevo over the "me" when I'm here. Truth be told the only time I haven't been thinking of this the past few months has been under heavy intoxication, at that time I just plug out and like everything that's around me
---------- Post added 15.08.2012 at 20:10 ----------
more like identity crisis and me venting class, you're welcome to peak inside my head
it's a public post, read it if it interests you
. I just don't feel it, and it's really nagging me that I don't because on paper there should be absolutely nothing but origin separating me from the people around me.
Also, I forgot to add in the written mess up there that I prefer "myself" when I'm in Belgrade or Sarajevo over the "me" when I'm here. Truth be told the only time I haven't been thinking of this the past few months has been under heavy intoxication, at that time I just plug out and like everything that's around me
---------- Post added 15.08.2012 at 20:10 ----------
more like identity crisis and me venting class, you're welcome to peak inside my head
it's a public post, read it if it interests you
I fit in pretty much everywhere. I don't really feel American though, I feel Aaron.
---------- Post added 15.08.2012 at 16:24 ----------
Are you not the debut album for the rock supergroup A Perfect Circle?
---------- Post added 15.08.2012 at 16:24 ----------
a huge one, to be honest. but i'm not sure that you're fishing for that kind of serious story with that particular post