For the last couple of years, the Christmas time was my retreat: I was going off the grid, switching off my phone, and emails, and focusing on a couple of things that were "constant" during this time:
- playing Yakuza game,
- reading books I was saving up for this moment,
- watching all seasons of "Workaholics".
I don't mind being alone, I always felt so relieved that the whole world was slowing down at the end of the year and so was I. Most of the time I can not ease up as I feel I may miss a work opportunity or that someone is working harder than me.
My Dad died on the 2nd of January 2021 but - even though the memory is very vivid during this time - it didn't make me feel depressed back in '21 and '22. It was a part of life, I guess.
For some reason this year was different. I felt more lonely than alone and couldn't shake off memories of my Dad, especially the last Christmas we spent together: obviously, I never knew THAT Christmas would be our last one.
My "comfort" things didn't feel that much of a comfort. I found myself having trouble focusing on the books and didn't read as much as I had hoped to. STILL, this forum is such a great place to be. I fucking love all these tantrums, name-calling, and everything else. Love you guys.
I had a big problem with drugs ever since Dad died as I couldn't cope with it but got it under control, finally, this year. Yet in December, I did more drugs than I did over the last six months.
What I'm trying to say is that I asked myself: "what are you doing right now?" and I realized that I don't know, I don't care and I don't remember the last time I could answer this question with anything else but "hurting".
xxx
Sorry for the emo post, I guess I had to vent it all out somewhere. Considering the fact how we play this season, the ocean of misery I poured on all of you seems like an integral part of Juve these days.
Buy on AliExpress.com
