Tricky dilemma... please help me! (1 Viewer)

Dan

Back & Quack
Mar 9, 2004
9,291
#1
Ok i found out today i have a big problem that lies ahead and i want some opinions of the wise and perhaps not so wise here.

Please bear with me, this is going to be a bit lengthy. Please please, i beg you read it it may seem a bit boring but ill give you a beer :D (if i ever meet you in real life!!)

Ok, so a while ago, a very good friend of mine got together with a girl whom i used to like. At first i was not very pleased, but i learned to cope with it. It was hard for me because we have been the best of friends ever since i have moved to germany. He soon had less and less time for me, and eventually became totally invovled with her, and the only time i have seen him for along while was my birthday, but keep in mind we used to see each other almost every day. He eventually became VERY big headed about this whole situation, and thinks he is too good for me. He blocks me on MSN, (permenately) and we now hardly meet up outside of skool because of her. He also tells me how much he hates talking to me on msn when the subject is raised, and when i call him he is either busy with her or cuts the call very short. He even is becoming stingy on birthday presents, he gave me a cassette which he nicked on our holiday in ireland. (its a bit of a comical tape, prefab sprout if anyone has ever heard of them, we only laughed at them because they stink soooo much). His whole attitude has changed, and it feels like he cant do simple favours without so much of expecting something in return, or go a day without saying how stupid i look or am. So this whole ordeal has changed him. Which is very sad for me, because i only have a couple of really close friends, and one lives in england and the other lives here in germany. So that is the situation which i have had to face for 4 months. Watching my best friend turn into a jackass. Now here comes the tricky part. His G/F, i found out earlier on today, is an absolute fake. She tells him storys that are absolute [email protected] just so she can wear the boots in the relationship. I dont want to divulge into too much detail cos my friend has this website address, and could very well check in on it. Just think along the lines of 'sex, pregnancy, beatings etc', which her friends in back where she lives say it is not true and she is saying bullsh1t. I, now have a convo with one of her friends so i have proof, (actual proof, in majority that is not just one person, plus a hole in her stories which i could expose too) and have the oppurtunity to expose her for a fake person that she is, and end their relationship. Its in my hands right now. Now here is the problem. I know my friend would go defense and not accept it at first, and be angry if me and my friends were to confront him. Eventually, it would get back to the person who told me and he/she would be very angry and betrayed. ( i said i would keep it a secret). But, however, if i dont say anything, he will continue to go out with a fake girl and still be a self-righteous prick to me. So either way, im absolutely screwed. Its a matter of being a bad friend or a bad friend.


But the goods that come from this are simple, with choice 'a' comes the releif (or depending on how he acts sometimes, pain) of not telling him, and the satisfaction of knowing something he doesnt when he lives a facade with her. But keep a shitty friend who doesnt see me anymore.

Or with choice 'B', have my friend angry at me for a while, but eventually get him back the way he was, but it would hurt him. And have the friend of the girl he dates (who is very very nice) left betrayed.

What should i do???? Its a sticky situation.....

Opinions please.
 

Trezeguet_FC

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2003
1,888
#2
Don't do anything and let the universe unfold by itself. Don't get yourself in the middle of their relationship. If he treats you like a jackass, find another friend. I'm sorry, but I don't call a friend someone who ingnores me on MSN and doesn't like to talk to me.
 

Zlatan

Senior Member
Jun 9, 2003
23,032
#4
I say do it. For his sake. The truth shall set you free, they say. Even if you arent friends again, he still should know IMO. He probably wont accept it well, so be calm and patient, and ask him to try discover to himself. He might get interested enough just to do it.
 

gray

Senior Member
Moderator
Apr 22, 2003
30,096
#5
I'm with Z. I think you should tell your friend the truth, but only when you're sure that:

1) You know the truth for sure.

2) Your motives are correct. Don't just do it because you're bitter or because you want them to break up, so your friend will have more time for you. If you're still ready to be friends with the guy and you care for him, you should tell him before he gets hurt.
 

Minfana

Junior Member
Jul 15, 2003
101
#6
If he really is (was?) your close and good friend, I think you should reveal everything to him - just try to make sure he knows that you're not vindictive.

Good luck, mate!
 

mikhail

Senior Member
Jan 24, 2003
9,575
#9
++ [ originally posted by Minfana ] ++
If he really is (was?) your close and good friend, I think you should reveal everything to him - just try to make sure he knows that you're not vindictive.
Be sure you know you're not vindictive first. :p

Seriously, if telling your former friend the truth will put the girl who told it to you in a spot, don't do it without asking her. If she's okay, or if it won't affect her at all, go right ahead.
 
OP
OP
Dan

Dan

Back & Quack
Mar 9, 2004
9,291
#10
thanks for the opinions everyone... very appreciated! havent come to a choice yet, but i know i owe you all a beer!:D
 

Erkka

Senior Member
Mar 31, 2004
3,863
#11
your under-aged, aren't you?! :D

please buy me some of that Two Dogs Lemon brew, damn it's excellent, I wish that I lived in Australia, it would be much cheaper... :D
 

gray

Senior Member
Moderator
Apr 22, 2003
30,096
#12
++ [ originally posted by blackmint ] ++
thanks for the opinions everyone... very appreciated! havent come to a choice yet, but i know i owe you all a beer!:D
:D
++ [ originally posted by Poku ] ++
please buy me some of that Two Dogs Lemon brew, damn it's excellent, I wish that I lived in Australia, it would be much cheaper... :D
:D
 

Len

Senior Member
Feb 13, 2004
4,974
#14
In Australia, I think its about AU$2-4 for a bottle of beer....I'm not very sure...check with gray....;)
 

Erkka

Senior Member
Mar 31, 2004
3,863
#16
how much is AU$ worth then?! (in €s)

And blackmint, how surprising... :rolleyes: :D

well, I became an adult just few weeks ago, I shouldn't complain...
 

Lilianna

Senior Member
Apr 3, 2003
15,969
#17
if he was REALLY your BEST FRIEND he would NEVER treat you like shit...for any reason on this whole earth.

a girl CAN'T separete 2 BEST FRIENDS.

if i were you,i would tell him to go to hell i would forget the whole thing.

ask yourself if you deserve living through this,and then,ask yourself if this friend of yours deserves you back.

he did a huge thing.
if you have the power in your soul to carry on trying and forgive him,then do it.

i couldn't.
 
Aug 1, 2003
17,678
#18
if I were you I'd just keep quiet. When the girl has the upper hand on your best friend, he might be in denial when you tell him these things and would not accept it and things would be worse from there. She has more power than you do. So what I would advice you to do is just patiently wait until the truth reveals itself.

I have always been a strong believer in 'all good things comes to those who wait.' :D and since the girl is in the wrong here, sooner or later she'll be exposed, don't worry. only a matter of time.
 

River

Senior Member
Jun 15, 2004
2,261
#19
Fall out with him, and throw it in there in the argument. That way he'll find out from the girl himself, then he'll come back and apologise to you. Its win win :D

He sounds like a dick though, forget him.
 
Aug 1, 2003
17,678
#20
I dont think he's a dick. I mean, yes, he is, but everyone goes through a phase of stupidity where they do stupid things. he's not your best friend for nothing... this is probably just a bad patch for him. live through his bad moments and i'm sure things will be normal again soon. he's bound to realize his mistake.
 

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