This just in: Juventus FC's third quarter profits given welcome boost by last-minute bidding in the E-Bay auction of club asset, Zlatan Ibrahimovic.
"It was touch and go there," said one analyst, "but about eighty-five bids in the last forty seconds saw the price go from €12.99 to €22,601,493.27."
The winning bid, from Luciano Moggi, topped the previous bid by just €0.04. It was Moggi's first bid.
We asked Moggi what he intended to do with his new acquisition, Moggi mumbled something about a dungeon, and payback for making it obvious that Juventus had been cheating. "I mean, clearly we weren't beating teams fairly, with a streak of piss like that up front," he said, before we blinked, and he disappeared, leaving only a billowing net curtain on the window.
Sources close to Juventus have responded to news of the sale with a joyous, "Yahoo!"