Nick Against the World (48 Viewers)

The Pado

Filthy Gobbo
Jul 12, 2002
9,939
Martin said:
I think I could give you a run for your money. I've heard people talk about bowling over the years and I finally tried it once. I discovered it's really boring, so I tried making it more interesting. Failed at that too, the game is rigged :( Like tossing the ball all the way across doesn't work, it's too heavy. Kicking it doesn't work cause it's too hard. Sliding it with your (like a hockey shot) foot doesn't work cause it's too heavy. I did once get an interesting effect as the ball bounced into the left lane, back into the right one, then back into mine. Sending two balls down the lane at the same time doesn't work either, timing never gets right. Bowling balls would be so much more fun if they were softer and bouncy.
Martin, when you get your ball, you select the one you want by weight, with 16 lbs. being the standard for professionals and 13 to 16 lbs. for regualr folk, depending on your strength. But, the key is, you get your hand measured, and then the ball has 3 holes drilled in it to match the measurements of your own hand. So, using your feet is not really an option if you expect to succeed. :pumpkin:
 

swag

L'autista
Administrator
Sep 23, 2003
84,779
IncuboRossonero said:
Closest I have come to bowling is playing Bocce with my grandfather ...
I always believed bowling much like Bridge, being a tourist and tupperware parties should be banned. Too "commonfolk-ish" ..tsk tsk
Bocce rules! :weee:

I love that stuff...
 

swag

L'autista
Administrator
Sep 23, 2003
84,779
Padovano said:
Martin, when you get your ball, you select the one you want by weight, with 16 lbs. being the standard for professionals and 13 to 16 lbs. for regualr folk, depending on your strength. But, the key is, you get your hand measured, and then the ball has 3 holes drilled in it to match the measurements of your own hand. So, using your feet is not really an option if you expect to succeed. :pumpkin:
I don't know... I've always followed the Fred Flintstone technique of walking the ball up the alley on my bare toes, making this tinkling sound as I go. The thing is that whenever I do it, cool shit happens like the ball breaks in 10 pieces when it hits the center of the lane, the pieces make a flying-V formation, and each piece knocks out a pin for a sum total strike.

You don't know what you're missing, Pado.
 

The Pado

Filthy Gobbo
Jul 12, 2002
9,939
swag said:
I don't know... I've always followed the Fred Flintstone technique of walking the ball up the alley on my bare toes, making this tinkling sound as I go. The thing is that whenever I do it, cool shit happens like the ball breaks in 10 pieces when it hits the center of the lane, the pieces make a flying-V formation, and each piece knocks out a pin for a sum total strike.

You don't know what you're missing, Pado.
Every Thursday night, from January to April, for the last seven years, I have been trying to do exactly that move. But my god be damned ball never breaks into any pieces.
 

The Pado

Filthy Gobbo
Jul 12, 2002
9,939
One of the local drug rehab facilities sent me a gift for Christmas and I've left it sitting around on my desk for the last month. Finally I opened it and it was one of the gift baskets stuffed with that scary cheese and a bunch of "summer sausages" that require no refrigeration. Well, I don't eat that sort of stuff, so I took the three sausages with me to the DSW Shoe Warehouse for a litte shoe shoppping and left the sausages in three of the shoes. Long distance fapping, if you will. Anyway, I would love to see the reaction when people try on the sausage shoes and find a surprise waiting for them.
 

swag

L'autista
Administrator
Sep 23, 2003
84,779
You should have added a GPS device or a wireless cam in the sausages. I always thought that long-distance shoe fetish voyeurism never got enough credit. Then put it on a Web site behind credit card payments and you could bid a hostile takeover of Prada.

And while I like the new title, I was expecting more of a declaration of lewdness in offense to women's footwear.
 

The Pado

Filthy Gobbo
Jul 12, 2002
9,939
swag said:
And while I like the new title, I was expecting more of a declaration of lewdness in offense to women's footwear.
That would be proper, but too late - I'm vCash poor. Perhaps I can do an exchange and receive an in-store credit?
 

swag

L'autista
Administrator
Sep 23, 2003
84,779
I figured you must be the master of returning women's shoes... how far a stretch should this be to return a title?

Me? I'd like to return my lunch. In its current pre-digested form. Never trust a Japanese place that sells udon that really turns out to be fettuccine. :sick:
 

Martin

Senior Member
Dec 31, 2000
56,913
Padovano said:
Martin, when you get your ball, you select the one you want by weight, with 16 lbs. being the standard for professionals and 13 to 16 lbs. for regualr folk, depending on your strength. But, the key is, you get your hand measured, and then the ball has 3 holes drilled in it to match the measurements of your own hand. So, using your feet is not really an option if you expect to succeed. :pumpkin:
I grabbed the lightest one they had, it was still much to heavy to throw all the way down the lane, I got about 1/3 of the way. I want a ball that's a bit heavier than a soccer ball. And forget the holes, I hate those things, fingers tend to get jammed in there.
 

swag

L'autista
Administrator
Sep 23, 2003
84,779
Martin said:
I grabbed the lightest one they had, it was still much to heavy to throw all the way down the lane, I got about 1/3 of the way. I want a ball that's a bit heavier than a soccer ball. And forget the holes, I hate those things, fingers tend to get jammed in there.
Where's Don Bes when I need him for bad sexual innuendo?
 

The Pado

Filthy Gobbo
Jul 12, 2002
9,939
Martin said:
I grabbed the lightest one they had, it was still much to heavy to throw all the way down the lane, I got about 1/3 of the way. I want a ball that's a bit heavier than a soccer ball. And forget the holes, I hate those things, fingers tend to get jammed in there.
Ahh, bowling with a house ball. When you get your own ball the holes are drilled to your own specifications and you don't have to worry about getting stuck.
 

The Pado

Filthy Gobbo
Jul 12, 2002
9,939
swag said:
I figured you must be the master of returning women's shoes... how far a stretch should this be to return a title?
No, I've never returned any women's shoes. That would be funny though. "May I please exchange these? They are a bit loose around my testicles."
 

swag

L'autista
Administrator
Sep 23, 2003
84,779
Padovano said:
Ahh, bowling with a house ball. When you get your own ball the holes are drilled to your own specifications and you don't have to worry about getting stuck.
This is a fantastic euphemism just waiting for a definition...
 

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