Nick Against the World (51 Viewers)
- Thread starter IncuboRossonero
- Start date
What you said is exactly what I keep telling everyone. Islam is going through the same phase as Christianity went through at one time. What I don't agree with is the idea, well fear rather, that this dispute is going to spill over into the West. I've, personally, never heard of any kind of disputes between Shia's and Sunni's outside of the Muslim world. The only thing that can happen and is already happening are attacks against America and it's allies. Those attacks are political, no matter what kind of religious verse they use to legitimize it.
What Altair said. My point is that these people are not just against people on the 'outside' but they're also pretty busy attacking their 'own'. Therefore all those theories people have about these people not liking the Western ideals/morals is a bunch of garbage. These people have nothing better to do but to stop development and continue with their barbaric ways. They want to continue to disobey the word of their book (The Qur'an).
Let me explain the sect I belong to and what the others have against it. The sect which I belong to, the Ahmadiyya sect in Islam, has three main differences from the others.
So somewhere in the 1950's, under pressure from the Saudi government and the mulla's (the same people fueling this shit today against the West) of Pakistan, Pakistan began a movement to declare us officially "non-Muslim" under the constitution. Not only does that go against the purpose of Pakistan, but it is also against Islam. So in 1974 we were declared non-Muslim and we were no longer allowed to anything related to Islam. My family has had relatives and family friends jailed and killed just because they were Ahmadi.
I hope you get my point, sorry if I've confused you
What Altair said. My point is that these people are not just against people on the 'outside' but they're also pretty busy attacking their 'own'. Therefore all those theories people have about these people not liking the Western ideals/morals is a bunch of garbage. These people have nothing better to do but to stop development and continue with their barbaric ways. They want to continue to disobey the word of their book (The Qur'an).
Let me explain the sect I belong to and what the others have against it. The sect which I belong to, the Ahmadiyya sect in Islam, has three main differences from the others.
- That Prophet Muhammad (saw) was the last law bearing prophet but not the last prophet
- We believe that Jesus didn't die on the cross, nor was he replaced by a look-a-like, or taken up to the heavens by God
- The 2nd of coming of Jesus Christ, which almost every major religion is waiting for, whether it be Jesus himself, Buddha, Guru Nanak of the Sikhs, Krishna of the Hindu's, Messiah of the Jews, etc. has already come
So somewhere in the 1950's, under pressure from the Saudi government and the mulla's (the same people fueling this shit today against the West) of Pakistan, Pakistan began a movement to declare us officially "non-Muslim" under the constitution. Not only does that go against the purpose of Pakistan, but it is also against Islam. So in 1974 we were declared non-Muslim and we were no longer allowed to anything related to Islam. My family has had relatives and family friends jailed and killed just because they were Ahmadi.
I hope you get my point, sorry if I've confused you
So you're the ones that killed Jesus, huh?
As you know, Glasgow will be applying to host the Commonwealth Games in 2014.
What you may not know is that many of the famous events which go to make up this spectacular event, are to be especially altered for 2014 to boost Glasgow's bid. A copy of these changes has been leaked, and is reproduced below:
OPENING CEREMONY
The flame will be ignited by a petrol bomb thrown by a native of Castlemilk, in the traditional dress of Burberry baseball cap and a white shell suit.
The flame will be contained in a large overturned police van situated on the roof of the stadium.
THE EVENTS
In previous Commonwealth Games, Scotland's competitors have not been particularly successful. In order to redress the balance, some of the events have been altered slightly to the advantage of local athletes.
100 METRES SPRINT Competitors will have to hold a DVD player and microwave oven (one in each arm) and on the sound of the starting pistol, a police Dog will be released from a cage 10 yards behind the athletes.
110 METRES HURDLES
As above but with added obstacles (I.e. Car bonnets, hedges, garden fences, Walls etc)
HAMMER
Competitors in this event may choose the type of hammer they wish to use (claw, sledge etc) the winner will be the one who can cause the most physical damage within three attempts.
FENCING
This event shall be sponsored by Cash Converters who shall also provide the hardware. The contest itself shall be based outside kebab shops in Baillieston, Riddrie, Drumchapel, and Easterhouse....the winner shall be the one who can leave A & E first.
SHOOTING
A strong challenge is expected from local men in this event. The first target will be a moving police van. In the second round, competitors will aim at a post office clerk, bank teller or Securicor-style wages delivery man.
The traditional .22 rifle has been replaced in this event by a choice of either a Browning automatic handgun or Sawn-off 12-bore shotgun.
BOXING
Entry to the boxing will be restricted to husband and wife teams and will take place on a Friday night. The husband will be given 15 pints of lager while the wife will be told not to make him any tea when he gets home. The bout will then commence.
CYCLING TIME TRIALS
Competitors will be asked to break into the Glasgow University bike shed and takes an expensive mountain bike owned by some mummy's boy on his first trip away from home. All against the clock.
CYCLING PURSUIT
As above, but the bike will be owned by a visiting member of the Australian rugby team, who will witness the theft.
MODERN PENTATHLON
Amended to include mugging, breaking and entering, flashing, joyriding, underage drinking and arson.
SWIMMING EVENTS
All waterways are currently being tested for toxicity levels, once one is found that can support human life, swimming events will be organised, please note that the Synchronised Swimming event for this year will comprise of dropping acid and watching all the funky ripples on the pool, the specific musical support to this event will be provided by "Belle & Sebastian".
THE MARATHON
A safe route has yet to be decided.
MEN'S 50KM WALK
Unfortunately this will have to be cancelled, as the police cannot guarantee the safety of anyone walking the streets of Glasgow, especially anyone that appears to be mincing...
THE CLOSING CEREMONY
Entertainment will include formation rave dancing by members of the Govan Health in the Community, anti-drug campaigners, synchronised rock throwing, and music by the Dennistoun community choir. The flame will be extinguished by police riot water cannon following inevitable pitch invasion by confused old firm fans.
The stadium itself will then be boarded up before the local athletes break into it and remove all the copper piping and the central heating boiler.
What you may not know is that many of the famous events which go to make up this spectacular event, are to be especially altered for 2014 to boost Glasgow's bid. A copy of these changes has been leaked, and is reproduced below:
OPENING CEREMONY
The flame will be ignited by a petrol bomb thrown by a native of Castlemilk, in the traditional dress of Burberry baseball cap and a white shell suit.
The flame will be contained in a large overturned police van situated on the roof of the stadium.
THE EVENTS
In previous Commonwealth Games, Scotland's competitors have not been particularly successful. In order to redress the balance, some of the events have been altered slightly to the advantage of local athletes.
100 METRES SPRINT Competitors will have to hold a DVD player and microwave oven (one in each arm) and on the sound of the starting pistol, a police Dog will be released from a cage 10 yards behind the athletes.
110 METRES HURDLES
As above but with added obstacles (I.e. Car bonnets, hedges, garden fences, Walls etc)
HAMMER
Competitors in this event may choose the type of hammer they wish to use (claw, sledge etc) the winner will be the one who can cause the most physical damage within three attempts.
FENCING
This event shall be sponsored by Cash Converters who shall also provide the hardware. The contest itself shall be based outside kebab shops in Baillieston, Riddrie, Drumchapel, and Easterhouse....the winner shall be the one who can leave A & E first.
SHOOTING
A strong challenge is expected from local men in this event. The first target will be a moving police van. In the second round, competitors will aim at a post office clerk, bank teller or Securicor-style wages delivery man.
The traditional .22 rifle has been replaced in this event by a choice of either a Browning automatic handgun or Sawn-off 12-bore shotgun.
BOXING
Entry to the boxing will be restricted to husband and wife teams and will take place on a Friday night. The husband will be given 15 pints of lager while the wife will be told not to make him any tea when he gets home. The bout will then commence.
CYCLING TIME TRIALS
Competitors will be asked to break into the Glasgow University bike shed and takes an expensive mountain bike owned by some mummy's boy on his first trip away from home. All against the clock.
CYCLING PURSUIT
As above, but the bike will be owned by a visiting member of the Australian rugby team, who will witness the theft.
MODERN PENTATHLON
Amended to include mugging, breaking and entering, flashing, joyriding, underage drinking and arson.
SWIMMING EVENTS
All waterways are currently being tested for toxicity levels, once one is found that can support human life, swimming events will be organised, please note that the Synchronised Swimming event for this year will comprise of dropping acid and watching all the funky ripples on the pool, the specific musical support to this event will be provided by "Belle & Sebastian".
THE MARATHON
A safe route has yet to be decided.
MEN'S 50KM WALK
Unfortunately this will have to be cancelled, as the police cannot guarantee the safety of anyone walking the streets of Glasgow, especially anyone that appears to be mincing...
THE CLOSING CEREMONY
Entertainment will include formation rave dancing by members of the Govan Health in the Community, anti-drug campaigners, synchronised rock throwing, and music by the Dennistoun community choir. The flame will be extinguished by police riot water cannon following inevitable pitch invasion by confused old firm fans.
The stadium itself will then be boarded up before the local athletes break into it and remove all the copper piping and the central heating boiler.
That would be amazing.
@ Bozi - LOL, I love your Modern Pentathalon. Good post.
@ Sockpenis - I thought Andy was the one fapping the blue sock.
@ Erik - If Jesus died in Amsterdam, then I was right --- all those fucking Mormons got duped by the horniest man in the history of North America (Brigham Young, not Barry Kelly).
@ Sockpenis - I thought Andy was the one fapping the blue sock.
@ Erik - If Jesus died in Amsterdam, then I was right --- all those fucking Mormons got duped by the horniest man in the history of North America (Brigham Young, not Barry Kelly).
