Juventuz joke thread (8 Viewers)

Cirillo

Cirillo

Senior Member
#121
Nov 10, 2009
3,034
#121
A husband and wife are talking about what they're going to buy each other for Christmas.

Wife: I think this year I'm going to buy you a new watch so you know what time to come home from the pub.
Husband: I think this year I'm not going to buy you anything.
Wife: Why not!
Husband: there's no point, you still haven't used what I bought you last year
Wife: didn't I? Sorry dear. I don't remember, what did you buy me last year?
Husband: A prepaid funeral package...
 

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Siamak

Siamak

╭∩╮( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)╭∩╮
#126
Aug 13, 2013
15,004
#126
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are going camping. They pitch their tent under the stars and go to sleep. In the middle of the night Holmes wakes Watson up: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce."
Watson: "I see millions of stars and even if a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth, and if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life."
Holmes: "Watson, you idiot, somebody's stolen our tent!"
 
Siamak

Siamak

╭∩╮( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)╭∩╮
#140
Aug 13, 2013
15,004
#140
A robber comes into the store & steals a TV.
A blonde runs after him and says, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"

- - - Updated - - -

ALC said:
A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.
Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"
The woman said, "That's okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned ☝her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."
So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you."
The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."
So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.
Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.
Male readers: Please scroll down.
The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife.
Moral of the story: Women think they're really smart.
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.
Note: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen.
Click to expand...
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
 
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