Juvenile joke thread (1 Viewer)
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A Jamaican fireman came home from work one day and said to his wife, “Ya know sumptin, we have a wonderful new system at de fire station. Bell 1 rings - we put on our jackets. Bell 2 rings! - we slide down de pole. Bell 3 rings - we jump on de ingine and we’s ready to go. From now on, when I says ‘Bell one’ I want you to strip naked. When I says Bell two’, you jump on de bed. When I says ‘Bell tree’, we’s gonna mek love all tru de night.”
The next night he came home and shouted, ‘Bell One’ and she stripped naked. ‘Bell Two’ and she jumped on the bed. ‘Bell Tree’, and they started to make love.
After a few minutes the wife yelled out, “Bell Four.” “What de hell is ‘Bell Four”? She replied, “Roll out more hose, mon, yu ain’t nowhere near de fire!”
The next night he came home and shouted, ‘Bell One’ and she stripped naked. ‘Bell Two’ and she jumped on the bed. ‘Bell Tree’, and they started to make love.
After a few minutes the wife yelled out, “Bell Four.” “What de hell is ‘Bell Four”? She replied, “Roll out more hose, mon, yu ain’t nowhere near de fire!”
A 20 year old girl comes home from a walk in the park and is greeted by her father at the front door.
Hey how was your walk in the park darling the father says.
Girl replys- That ****ing faggot!¨
Excuse me!?
That ****ing faggot!
Whats wrong dear, what has happened?
That ****ing faggot!
The father tries to talk with her daughter but everything he says she replys
That ****ing faggot.
Father decides to take her to the doctor, when the doctor asks her what is wrong with her the girl once again replys- That ****ing faggot!
The doctor asks the father to step outside for a momemt because he is going to make some tests and it is crucial he be alone with her when the tests are done.
The father steps outside while the doctor once again asks whats wrong?
And again he gets the reply That ****ing faggot.
Doctor smacks her on the cheek and says- Tell me what the ****ing problem is!!
That ****ing faggot!.
Doctor again smacks her and adds, you better speak up or ilse ill **** u u undurstand?
That ****ing faggot.
Doctor starts ****ing girl in teh most hardcore way there is, im talking spanking and everything else.
Doctor who at this point is done ****ing says angry, now are you gonna tell me what the mother****ing problem is ot not!!
That ****ing Faggot!
Doctor goes at it again, im talking bondage, whips and just ultimate hardcore ****ing.
Doctor- Noe are you gonna tell me what the ****ing problem is!!
Girl replys- Ok but only because its you, when i was walking in the park a man raped me and told me that he had Aids!
Doctor starts- That ****ing faggot.
Hey how was your walk in the park darling the father says.
Girl replys- That ****ing faggot!¨
Excuse me!?
That ****ing faggot!
Whats wrong dear, what has happened?
That ****ing faggot!
The father tries to talk with her daughter but everything he says she replys
That ****ing faggot.
Father decides to take her to the doctor, when the doctor asks her what is wrong with her the girl once again replys- That ****ing faggot!
The doctor asks the father to step outside for a momemt because he is going to make some tests and it is crucial he be alone with her when the tests are done.
The father steps outside while the doctor once again asks whats wrong?
And again he gets the reply That ****ing faggot.
Doctor smacks her on the cheek and says- Tell me what the ****ing problem is!!
That ****ing faggot!.
Doctor again smacks her and adds, you better speak up or ilse ill **** u u undurstand?
That ****ing faggot.
Doctor starts ****ing girl in teh most hardcore way there is, im talking spanking and everything else.
Doctor who at this point is done ****ing says angry, now are you gonna tell me what the mother****ing problem is ot not!!
That ****ing Faggot!
Doctor goes at it again, im talking bondage, whips and just ultimate hardcore ****ing.
Doctor- Noe are you gonna tell me what the ****ing problem is!!
Girl replys- Ok but only because its you, when i was walking in the park a man raped me and told me that he had Aids!
Doctor starts- That ****ing faggot.
Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous.
A night of tall tales begins.
The first says, "I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground, by the horns, with my bare hands."
The second can't stand to be bested. "Why that's nothing. I was walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen foot rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands, bit its head off, and sucked the poison down in one gulp. And I'm still here today."
The third cowboy remained silent, slowly stirring the coals with his *****.
A night of tall tales begins.
The first says, "I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground, by the horns, with my bare hands."
The second can't stand to be bested. "Why that's nothing. I was walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen foot rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands, bit its head off, and sucked the poison down in one gulp. And I'm still here today."
The third cowboy remained silent, slowly stirring the coals with his *****.
Ok, this one is quite known, but I'll give it a go.
Michael Jackson, his personal pilot, and 15 of his young friends are on his private jet back to Neverland.
All of a sudden, the pilot calls Michael into the cockpit. "The engine is down, Mike. The plane is gonna crash down. We have only two parachutes, here take this one, I'll take the other."
"But what about the children?" asks Michael;
"ooh Fück the children" answers the pilot;
To which Michael answers: "Do you really think we've got time?"
Michael Jackson, his personal pilot, and 15 of his young friends are on his private jet back to Neverland.
All of a sudden, the pilot calls Michael into the cockpit. "The engine is down, Mike. The plane is gonna crash down. We have only two parachutes, here take this one, I'll take the other."
"But what about the children?" asks Michael;
"ooh Fück the children" answers the pilot;
To which Michael answers: "Do you really think we've got time?"
++ [ originally posted by mikhail ] ++
No need. This particular dinosaur needed to be given a blood infusion anyway. In case anyone's forgotten, the filth goes in here.
No need. This particular dinosaur needed to be given a blood infusion anyway. In case anyone's forgotten, the filth goes in here.
A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.
Q. What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't?
A. A navel.
Q. What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
A. You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won't call you a week later.
Q. Why did god create Adam before he created eve?
A. Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.
Q. What is a lesbian's favorite thing to eat?
A. A Klondike Bar
Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A. "How do you breath through something so small?"
Q. Why don't women wear watches?
A. There's a clock on the stove!
Q. What doesn't belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.
Q. Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?
A. They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.
Q. What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
A. Getting fingered by Captain Hook.
Q. What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.
Q. What's the difference between a wife and a wheelie bin?
A. You only have to take out a wheelie bin once a week.
Q. What did the two lesbian frogs say to each other?
A. WE DO TASTE LIKE CHICKEN!
Q. What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A. Why are you shaking she's going to eat me.
Q. What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?
A. We'd eat ***** every Thanksgiving.
Q. What's the difference between love and herpes?
A. Love doesn't last forever.
Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?
A. Call her and tell her.
Q. A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn't report it.
A. The thief was spending less then his wife.
Q. Why do women have small feet?
A. So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Q. Why do men die before their wives?
A. They want to.
Q. How do men sort out their laundry?
A. Filthy, and filthy but wearable.
Q. What's the difference between a man and ET?
A. ET phoned home.
Q. Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon yet?
A. It doesn't need cleaning.
Q. Why is a pap smear called a pap smear?
A. Because women wouldn't do them if they were called cunt scrapes.
Q. What's the difference between your paycheck and your cock?
A. You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!
Q. What do you call kids born in whorehouses?
A. Brothel sprouts.
Q. What's the difference between a 40 year-old man, and a 40 year-old woman?
A. A 40 year-old woman dreams of having children, a 40 year-old man dreams of dating them.
Q. What's white, smells, and can be found in panties?
A. ****ty litter
Q. I married Miss Right.
A. I just didn't know her first name was "Always."
Q. Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
A. When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
Q. How do you know when your cat's done cleaning himself?
A. He's smoking a cigarette.
Q. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
A. He worked it out with a pencil.
Q. Who's the world's greatest athlete?
A. The guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest.
Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A. Women don't get blow jobs while they're driving
Q. Why do schools in West Virginia only have Drivers Ed two days a week?
A. Because they need their cars for Sex Ed the other three days a week!
Q. Three words to ruin a man's ego...
A. "Is it in?"
Q. What is the cheapest meat?
A. Deer balls, there under a buck.
Q. How does a guy know if he has a high sperm count?
A. If the girl has to chew, before she swallows.
Q. What's in the toilet of the star ship enterprise?
A. The captains log.
Q. What do you call a woman with her tongue sticking out?
A. A lesbian with a hard-on.
Q. What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A. A red headed ***** with a yeast infection.
Q. Did you hear they came out with a new lesbian shoe?
A. They're called Dikes. They have an extra long tongue and only take one finger to get off!
Q. What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?
A. Cowboy hats are for ass holes.
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