If you're a Bundesliga coach, it might be a good idea to cross your legs. These days, if you nip out for a moment to take a tinkle, chances are you'll find somebody has nicked your job by the time you've flushed. Brian A. O'Driscoll explains the reasons why in his latest Bundesliga missive. Toilet roll is optional.
Behind The Wall: The Coaching Hokey-Cokey
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The Coaching Hokey-Cokey
Hamburger SV, Borussia Dortmund, and Borussia Mönchengladbach – three of German football’s biggest names. All have won European trophies and represented the Bundesliga with distinction in continental competition. All are in complete meltdown.
People sometimes wonder why Bayern Munich so dominate the German game. One of the reasons is because the Bavarians’ genetic rivals seem so incapable of even moderate bouts of stability.
While Felix Magath’s recent departure and Ottmar Hitzfeld’s re-introduction captured most headlines during the Bundesliga’s bloodiest week for coaching casualty, Gladbach and HSV were quietly dissolving their relationships with Jupp Heynckes and Thomas Doll, respectively.
The former claimed death threats had forced him out at Borussia-Park, while the latter simply found the twin obstacles of inflated expectation and on-field underachievement too much to surmount.
Modest Arminia Bielefeld were next on to the managerial merry-go-round with the highly-rated Thomas von Heesen resigning in February. Borussia Dortmund seemed a likely summer destination – but then the coaching carnival visited the Ruhr for the second time this season.
BVB had already parted with Dutchman Bert van Marwijk in December, and his replacement Jürgen Röber was always considered an interim choice. However, few would have predicted that the former Hertha BSC boss would last less than three months. Last Sunday, Röber departed the Westfalenstadion after seven defeats in eight matches plunged the 1997 European champions into a live relegation battle.
"In this difficult situation, what matters is not people, but first and foremost the future of Borussia Dortmund. Because of this, I have offered my resignation", said Röber. "After the loss in Bochum, I came to the conclusion that this team is not grasping how serious this situation is", he added by way of clarification. In truth, he was always on a hiding to nothing.
Dortmund have been grossly mismanaged since their Hitzfeld glory days. Despite drawing the biggest crowds in Europe, BVB are broke and also-rans in even the race for European qualification. And people still wonder why Bayern have it all their own way…
Röber’s replacement is Thomas Doll – the man who Hamburg jettisoned after a bad restart to the season in February. Doll was Kicker’s Man of the Year in 2005 and led HSV into the Champions’ League. By the start of 2007, he was a has-been, undermined by a crazy selling policy. Yet, such is the desperation in the Bundesliga that Doll has landed the ostensibly plum Dortmund job within a matter of weeks.
His case is one of several strange u-turns. Hitzfeld himself was unceremoniously discarded like last week’s rubbish in Munich three years ago. Now the man who sacked him, Karl-Heinz Rummenigge, has re-hired him and proclaims him the "perfect coach" in the wake of a minor upturn in fortunes.
Look at new HSV coach Huub Stevens. Hertha couldn’t wait to get rid of the man who took Schalke to within seconds of their first-ever Bundesliga crown in 2001. Now he’s a hero in Hamburg for rescuing a team that was momentarily looking Zweite Liga material. Mind you, Stevens only got the post after Magath – sacked 24 hours earlier by Rummenigge – turned down the chance to move north. In, out, shake it all about.
As for von Heesen, Bielefeld have gone into free-fall since his departure and look set for the drop. They’ve rehired Ernst Middendorp, a two-time coach of the club – and its most successful.
Essentially, one man’s poison seems to be another’s meat in the scary world of Bundesliga boardrooms. At Gladbach, general-manager Peter Pander was forced out in the wake of Heynckes’s departure. Jos Luhukay has assumed coaching duties and Christian Ziege has come in to bolster the backroom side of things.
However, with Magath and von Heesen among those looking for work, what are the odds on one of them eventually ending up at Borussia-Park? When the music stops, who’s going to be the odd one out? With fear provoking panicked boardrooms into drastic action, it’s not a good time to be a coach in the Bundesliga – unless you’re an out-of-work coach in the Bundesliga. One flush, and you could be back on the throne.
Brian A. O'Driscoll