From today's Fiver...
Although he ate up well after his morning gallop around the MU
Rowdies' training ground, Ruud van Nistelrooy's face looked even
longer than usual today. The reason for the equine-featured one's
unbridled disappointment? His trainer Sir Alex Ferguson's decision
not to saddle his thoroughbred with the Rowdies captaincy, choosing
instead to hand the armband to beret-wearing socialist revolutionary
icon Gary "Che" Neville.
"I've had a chat with Ruud but I think it's the right decision, given
the service Gary has given this club," announced Sir Fergie. "Ryan
[Giggs] was a consideration too, but Ryan is not going to play every
week. He will play a lot of games but we need to keep some freshness
in him. That is why I have reached the decision I have," he
continued, as one-time Rowdy vice-captain Rio Ferdinand hovered
forlornly in the background wondering where it all went wrong.
Removing his nose from his trainer's pocket where he'd been foraging
hungrily for sugar lumps and Polo mints, Ruud wasn't about to begin
neigh-saying: "I think Gary is the perfect captain for our team. You
can't wish for any more in a captain," he whinnied, getting the bit
between his teeth. Of course, the Rowdies wouldn't need a new skipper
if Roy Keane, the one they just parted company with, had known his
place, toed the party line and meekly agreed with everything his
manager said, like a good captain should.
And with his trusty Labrador Triggs's legs almost walked into stumps,
the time has come for the Irishman to find a new club where he can
play out his twilight years. Having decided that West Ham and West
Brom aren't for him, Keano has been listening to the overtures of
Everton manager David Moyes and looks set to make a decision
regarding his future by Monday. "I can confirm we have had talks with
Roy Keane," reported the Everton manager who already numbers Duncan
Ferguson among his players, but has clearly decided one ageing,
hot-tempered, injury-prone Celt with a peculiar accent just isn't
enough.