The Emancipation Proclamation
February 27, 2012
By the President of the Marchisio Fan Club of the World:
A Proclamation.
Whereas, on the twenty-seventh day of February, in the year of our Lord two thousand and twelve, a proclamation is issued by the President of the Marchisio Fan Club of the World, containing, among other things, the following, to wit:
"That on the first day of March, in the year of our Lord two thousand and twelve, all persons held as fanboys within any State or designated part of a State, the people whereof shall then be in rebellion against the Marchisio Fanclub, shall be then, thenceforward, and forever free; and the Executive Government of the Marchisio Fanclub, including the military and naval authority thereof, will recognize and maintain the freedom of such persons, and will do no act or acts to repress such persons, or any of them, in any efforts they may make for their actual freedom.
"That the Executive will, on the first day of March aforesaid, by proclamation, designate the States and parts of States, if any, in which the people thereof, respectively, shall then be in rebellion against the Marchisio fanclub; and the fact that any State, or the people thereof, shall on that day be, in good faith, represented in the Congress of the Marchisio Fanclub by members chosen thereto at elections wherein a majority of the qualified voters of such State shall have participated, shall, in the absence of strong countervailing testimony, be deemed conclusive evidence that such State, and the people thereof, are not then in rebellion against the Marchisio Fanclub."
Now, therefore I, Cameron Husty, President of the Marchisio Fan Club of the World, by virtue of the power in me vested as Commander-in-Chief, of the Army and Navy of the President of the Marchisio Fan Club of the World in time of actual armed rebellion against the authority and government of the President of the Marchisio Fan Club of the World, and as a fit and necessary war measure for suppressing said rebellion, do, on this first day of February, in the year of our Lord two thousand and twelve, and in accordance with my purpose so to do publicly proclaimed for the full period of forever, from the day first above mentioned, order and designate as the States and parts of States wherein the people thereof respectively, are this day in rebellion against the United States, the following, to wit:
Klin, Deneb, JCK, Linebreak, adrianc_c, Kyle, Nenna, Trequartisa,Borriello Fanboy(Nzoric), Lo-Pan, and Raz, and which excepted parts, are for the present, left precisely as if this proclamation were not issued.
And by virtue of the power, and for the purpose aforesaid, I do order and declare that all persons held as fanboys within said designated States, and parts of States, are, and henceforward shall be free; and that the Executive government of the Marchisio Fanclub, including the military and naval authorities thereof, will recognize and maintain the freedom of said persons against all known enemies.
And I hereby enjoin upon the people so declared to be free to abstain from all violence, unless in necessary self-defence; and I recommend to them that, in all cases when allowed, they labor faithfully for reasonable posting.
And I further declare and make known, that such persons of suitable condition, will be received into the armed service of the Marchisio Fanclub to garrison forts, positions, stations, and other places, and to man vessels of all sorts in said service to protect Marchisio.
And upon this act, sincerely believed to be an act of justice, warranted by the Constitution, upon military necessity, I invoke the considerate judgment of mankind, and the gracious favor of Almighty Marchisio.
In witness whereof, I have hereunto set my hand and caused the seal of the Marchisio Fanclub to be affixed.
Done at the City of Washington DC, this 27th day of February, in the year of our Lord two thousand and twelve, and of the Independence of the President of the Marchisio Fan Club of the World.
By the President: CAMERON HUSTY
THIRD WORLD WONDER, Secretary of State.