Classy bit over here (the official Inter.. i mean joke thread) (55 Viewers)
- Thread starter Martin
- Start date
People who have played gta3 might be familiar with these. These are commercials from u'r car radio in Gta3
1j. Pets Overnight (4):
Man: "Are you bored with man's best friend?"
Boy: "Sorry Fido were gonna have to drown you."
Man: "Why not try mans first cousin? At PetsOvernight.com we've got every
primate in stock from spider monkeys to gorillas. You'll love your
new best friend."
Boy: "Mommy, Jim-Jim bit me."
Mom: "Oh ya, you just bite him back then. Ok honey?"
Man: "PetsOvernight.com, delivering little bundles of love in box, directly
to your door."
1j. Pets Overnight (4):
Man: "Are you bored with man's best friend?"
Boy: "Sorry Fido were gonna have to drown you."
Man: "Why not try mans first cousin? At PetsOvernight.com we've got every
primate in stock from spider monkeys to gorillas. You'll love your
new best friend."
Boy: "Mommy, Jim-Jim bit me."
Mom: "Oh ya, you just bite him back then. Ok honey?"
Man: "PetsOvernight.com, delivering little bundles of love in box, directly
to your door."
A group of guys and one girl are sitting together at a ball game. During the
game the guys notice the girl knew just as much about the game as
themselves, and are really impressed.
After the game they ask her, "How is it that you know so much about
baseball?"
She says, "Well, I used to be a guy and got a sex change."
The guys are amazed, but very curious about the process. "What was the most
painful part of the process? Was it when they cut 'It' off?"
"That was very painful, but was not the most painful part."
"Was it when they cut off your 'Other Stuff'?"
"That was very painful, but was not the most painful part."
"What was the most painful part?"
"The part that hurt the most was when they cut my salary in half!"
game the guys notice the girl knew just as much about the game as
themselves, and are really impressed.
After the game they ask her, "How is it that you know so much about
baseball?"
She says, "Well, I used to be a guy and got a sex change."
The guys are amazed, but very curious about the process. "What was the most
painful part of the process? Was it when they cut 'It' off?"
"That was very painful, but was not the most painful part."
"Was it when they cut off your 'Other Stuff'?"
"That was very painful, but was not the most painful part."
"What was the most painful part?"
"The part that hurt the most was when they cut my salary in half!"
There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his
money and was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more
than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife,"Now
listen. When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket
with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."
And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he
died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.Well, he died.
He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and
her friend was sitting next to her.
When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to
close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!' She had a box with
her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the
undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away. So her friend
said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there
with your husband."
She said, "Listen, I'm a GOOD WOMAN, I can't go back on my word. I promised
him that I was gonna put that money in that casket with him."
"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him?"
"I sure did," said the wife. "I wrote him a cheque."
Never Underestimate The Intelligence Of A Woman.
money and was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more
than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife,"Now
listen. When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket
with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."
And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he
died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.Well, he died.
He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and
her friend was sitting next to her.
When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to
close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!' She had a box with
her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the
undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away. So her friend
said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there
with your husband."
She said, "Listen, I'm a GOOD WOMAN, I can't go back on my word. I promised
him that I was gonna put that money in that casket with him."
"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him?"
"I sure did," said the wife. "I wrote him a cheque."
Never Underestimate The Intelligence Of A Woman.
Two camel (a mother and a baby) were lazing around, when suddenly baby camel
said. " Mother, Mother, can I ask you some question?"
Mother: "Sure! Why son, is there something bothering you?"
Baby: "Why do camels have humps?"
Mother: "Well son, we are desert animals, we need the humps to store water
and we are known to survive without water."
Baby: "Okay, then why are our legs long and our feet rounded."
"Son, obviously they are meant for walking in the desert. You know with
these legs I can move around the desert better than anyone",said the mother
proudly.
"Okay, said baby camel. "then why are our eye lashes long? Sometimes it is
bothering my sight."
"My son, those long thick eye lashes are your protective cover. They help to
protect your eyes from the desert sand and wind." Said mother camel with
eyes brimming with pride.
Baby: "I see. So the hump is to store water when we are in the desert, the
legs are for walking through the desert and these eye lashes protect my eyes
from the desert. Then what the hell are we doing here in the zoo?"
MORAL OF THE STORY :
SKILLS, KNOWLEDGE, ABILITIES AND EXPERIENCE ARE ONLY USEFUL IF THE
MANAGEMENT GIVES OPPORTUNITY.
said. " Mother, Mother, can I ask you some question?"
Mother: "Sure! Why son, is there something bothering you?"
Baby: "Why do camels have humps?"
Mother: "Well son, we are desert animals, we need the humps to store water
and we are known to survive without water."
Baby: "Okay, then why are our legs long and our feet rounded."
"Son, obviously they are meant for walking in the desert. You know with
these legs I can move around the desert better than anyone",said the mother
proudly.
"Okay, said baby camel. "then why are our eye lashes long? Sometimes it is
bothering my sight."
"My son, those long thick eye lashes are your protective cover. They help to
protect your eyes from the desert sand and wind." Said mother camel with
eyes brimming with pride.
Baby: "I see. So the hump is to store water when we are in the desert, the
legs are for walking through the desert and these eye lashes protect my eyes
from the desert. Then what the hell are we doing here in the zoo?"
MORAL OF THE STORY :
SKILLS, KNOWLEDGE, ABILITIES AND EXPERIENCE ARE ONLY USEFUL IF THE
MANAGEMENT GIVES OPPORTUNITY.
